Darrel's Memorial Playground
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There's An Elephant In The Room

7/31/2011

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There’s an elephant in the room.            
It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it.          
Yet, we squeeze by with, “How are you?” and “I’m fine”. . .
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.          

We talk about the weather.         
We talk about work.         
We talk about everything else —           
Except the elephant in the room.         

We all know it is there.         
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk.         
It is constantly on our minds,         
For you see, it is a very big elephant.         

But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.         
Oh, please, say her name.         
Oh, please, say ‘Michelle’ again.         
Oh, please, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.         

For if we talk about her death,         
Perhaps we can talk about her life.         
Can I say ‘Michelle’ and not have you look away?         
For if I cannot, then you are leaving me

Alone. . . in a room . . .With an elephant.


To all of us who have had to experience the "Elephant" in the room....

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Poem: Ask My Dad How He Is

7/14/2011

1 Comment

 
Poem: Ask My Dad How He Is
Category: Writing and Poetry

My Dad, he tells alot of lies,
He never did before,
But from now until he dies,
He'll tell a whole lot more...

Ask my Dad how he is,
And because he can't explain,
He will tell a little lie,
Because he can't describe the pain...

Ask my dad how he is,
And he'll say "alright",
But if that's really the truth,
Tell me why does he cry each night...

Ask my Dad how he is,
He seems to cope so well,
He didn't have a choice you see,
Or the strength to yell...

Ask my Dad how he is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping",
For God's sake Dad, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken...

He'll love me all his life,
I loved him all of mine,
But if you ask him how he is,
He'll lie and say "just fine"...

I am here in Heaven,
I can not hug from here,
So if he lies...don't listen,
Hug him and hold him near...

On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold,
I'll say "You're lucky to get in here Dad,
With all the lies you told".

Author Unknown
1 Comment

Poem: My Daddy is a Survivor Too

7/10/2011

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My daddy is survivor too...
Category: Writing and Poetry

My daddy is a survivor too,
Which is no surprise to me.
He's always been like a lighthouse
That helps you cross a stormy sea.

But I walk with my daddy each day to lift him when he's down.
I wipe the tears he hides from others;
He cries when no one's around.

I watch him sit up late at night with my picture in his hand.
He cries as he tries to grieve alone,
And wishes he could understand.

My daddy is like a tower of strength.
He's the greatest of them all!
But, there are times when he needs to cry...
Please be there when he falls.

Hold his hand or pat his shoulder...
And tell him it's okay.
Be his strength when he's sad,
Help him mourn in his own way.

Now, as I watch over my precious dad from the
Heavens up above...
I'm so proud that he's a survivor...
And, I can still feel his love.

Author Unknown
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Poem: Dads Hurt Too

7/10/2011

9 Comments

 
Dads Hurt Too
Category: Writing and Poetry

Dads Hurt Too

People don't always see the tears a dad cries,
His heart is broken too when his child dies.

He tries to hold it together and be strong,
Even though his world's gone wrong.

He holds his wife as her tears fall,
Comforts her through it all,

He goes through his day doing what he's supposed to do,
But a piece of his heart has been ripped away too.

So when he's alone he lets out his pain,
And his tears come like falling rain.

His world has crashed in around him,
And a world that was once bright, has gone dim.

He feels he has to be strong for others,
But Dads hurt too, not just the Mothers,

He searches for answers but none are to be found,
He hides behind a mask when he is feeling down.

He smiles through his tears,
He struggles and holds in his fears.

But what you see on the outside is not always real,
Men don't always show how they really feel.

So I'd like to ask a favor of you,
The next time you see a mother hurting over the loss of her child,

Please remember.....Dads Hurt Too!

Author Unknown
9 Comments

The Invisible Man

7/10/2011

1 Comment

 
There are still days (like today) that I feel like the Invisible Man.  While talking to someone at work today about Darrel for the first time, they immediately wanted to know how Rebecca and the girls handled the entire situation (seemingly oblivious to the fact I suffered a devastating blow and loss as well!!)  I just found this on a Facebook group this afternoon.  So many truths in here that I had to repost it.

*************************
The Invisible Man

It didn’t take long to realize that grief for the father of a child was going to be different. When the first people started coming to the house after the death of our baby, the question seemed to ring, 'Where is your wife'? 'How is she doing?'
 
In their minds they realized she had lost a child. She would be grieving the loss. She would be having a hard time, but as for me, the father, they seemed to think I wouldn’t miss
him/her at all. There seemed to be a consensus that the mother suffers the loss but the
father doesn’t. Neighbours would walk by me on their way to see my wife. They would
comfort her. “We are so sorry,” they would say. “Is there anything we can do? How hard this
must be for you.” All this time I stood there too. Standing there as if I was invisible. Yes, right from the start it was obvious grief for the father was going to be different. The death had
been sudden. It was unexpected. No warning, no way for us to know our son was going
to bed that night so happy and full of life not to wake up in the morning. It hit hard. Added to
the overwhelming feeling of loss was the weight of guilt I carried. Unceasing guilt that
plagued the mind. It has many names but for most it is called the “if only.” “If only” I would have, “if only” I would have seen, “if only, if only, if only....”

The father is the protector of the family. As protector of the family I should have been able to
prevent the death. It was my responsibility to see the subtle changes.  I really knew these
statements weren’t true but so many questions filled my mind. Questions that have no
answers but questions that are so hard to say the least. Most don’t want to hear the father
ask these questions so he has to carry them all by himself. “If only ” are a terrible disease.
They result in an added burden to those who let them run their course. They run to wrong
conclusions, an unneeded addition to the feelings of guilt. There I stood, the Invisible Man. I hurt, hurt so very deep but it was soon obvious I would be unnoticed. Unnoticed with a
barrage of questions to fill my mind.

The father who wrote this is unknown 
1 Comment

Poem: It Must Be Difficult To Be A Man In Grief

7/10/2011

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It must be very difficult To be a Man in Grief
Since "Men don't cry"; and "Men are strong" No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult to stand up to the test,
Screen calls and visitors, So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's alright
But seldom take his hand and ask...
My friend, but how are you?

He hears her crying in the night and thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her, But 'stays strong' for her sake.

It must be very difficult to start each day brand new
And try to be so very brave, when he lost his child too

Author Unknown
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July 7/11 - Boundless Playgrounds?

7/7/2011

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Boundless Playgrounds?
Category: Life

As some of you may know, this week I purchased the domain name
www.darrelsplayground.com , and the site is now officially online!!!  Between the Facebook
issues when the Group Formats recently switched  over, the fate of MySpace (with or without
Justin Timberlake) being still up in the air, and the crash of our home computer's hard-drive, I decided that I needed another fallback in case something else unexpected were to occur.  A friend on mine (Hi Tanya) introduced me to Weebly "Build Your Own Website", and I have used it as a launching pad to create a stand alone (or so I thought) Darrel's Playground.

Whether searching on Google, or even just on Facebook, it isn't that hard to see that very few personal names are entirely unique.  I've come across different individuals with the same first, last and middle initial as  myself, but know of others who have found people with the same middle name as their own too.  However, it did surprise me that even the title Darrel's  Playground had more than one match!  I came up with the "Darrel's Playground" one day after returning from the school park with Darrel and the girls.  Little did I know
that it wasn't so original in the greater scope of things. 

A few hours after purchasing the domain name, I went on Google to see if, how and/or where my new website was listed on the database.  The majority of those entries were from sites I had posted something in the past, or a reference made to my Darrel by other person I was in contact with.  Four of the more interesting other Darrel's Playgrounds I found were:

Darrell's Dream Boundless Playground -  Located in Kingsport, Tennessee (Hi Lori), this park is one of over 200  ( www.boundlessplaygrounds.org )  creations scattered throughout North America (there is actually one in Orangeville, not far from where we live).  Boundless
Playgrounds hope "to build truly inclusive playgrounds where children — and adults — of all abilities can play and learn together in a fun and welcoming environment....[and to] create a world where ALL children have the opportunity to gain the developmental and health benefits 
derived from unstructured play in an inclusive environment."  Darrell's Dream opened in
2002, and was named after Darrell Rice, a past local  Kiwanis President, who was a driving force behind the structure in Warriors Path State Park.        

http://www.kingsportkiwanis.org/joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=33&Itemid=41

Darrel's Math Playground -  There was several connected webpages that comprise the Math
Playground Network, and Darrel Duenas has one of these sites.

http://darrelduenas.multiply.com/links/item/2
 
Darrell Brown's Playground - Brown, an acclaimed songwriter and producer released his
"Playground" CD in 2010.  In the past he has worked with Keith Urban, LeAnn Rimes, Bon Jovi and Faith Hill.  Much of "Playground" has featured in EA's The Sims 3 video game.

Deanna and Darrell's Playground - As this exists only on MySpace (where I first set up
Darrel's webpage), it's kind of odd I have not come across this one before.  I know little about
this page, as it is a private account, and only shows a scantily clad couple (Deanna and
Darrell I would assume) in an embrace. Considering MySpace usually monitors such things it probably isn't too risque, but I'll never know regradless.

Since I know that there perhaps could be web-surfers looking for those other sites coming my way, I have relabelled my site "Darrel's Memorial Playground" to hopefully avoid any
confusion.  One would hope that this would suggest to such people that it might not be what they were searching for.  For now both the Facebook and MySpace accounts will remain open, but I have closed Darrel's 'Believe For Boey' and CarePages webpages.  Now that I have
established  a more independent base, I should not need to stretch myself out as much.

P.S. On another note, in keeping with tradition, we went to see Transformers 3: Dark of the
Moon during its opening weekend a few days ago.  The first movie will always have a special place for me and my time with Darrel.  Unfortunately, this film, much like Revenge of the
Fallen, was a disappointment for me.  I've always been more about a strong storyline than
the kind of 'Bay'hem and destruction Michael Bay is famous for.  The addition of 3D was
a nice touch, but it just wasn't enough to impress me.  It was Less 'than meets the eye".

I don't think I've mentioned on here yet, but Darrel's dog Lady is currently very pregnant, and should be having puppies by the end of the month.  Even though I never was a 'dog person', Darrel asked for one after he was diagnosed back in the Fall 2005, and Lady arrived shortly after that. I'm sure he would have loved to have seen this moment...and all the others leading up to it and afterwards as well.
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Poem: No Word

7/5/2011

0 Comments

 
Poem: No Word
Category:

A child that loses a parent is an orphan ...

A man who loses his wife is a widower ...

A woman who loses her husband is a widow ...

There is no name for a parent that loses a Child ...

For there is no word to describe the pain.

Author Unknown
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Poem: Slow Dance

7/1/2011

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Please read comments below about the controversy surrounding this poem.

*************************

S L O W  D A N C E:

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

Do you run through each day on the fly
When you ask "How are you?"do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
'Cause you never had time to call and say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away...

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

*************************
 
This poem originally was sent as a chain email saying there was a little girl who has six
months to live. People are asked to forward the email about her to as many people as
possible because the American Cancer Society will give 3 cents per email to support her 
treatment. It starts with a poem titled SLOW DANCE. The email is signed with the name of  professor at Yeshiva University in New York.
 
The Truth: 

According to  the American Cancer Society, the email is a hoax. The girl in the story is never
identified (though often said to be called 'Amy Bruce'), the American Cancer  Society has not
made any such commitment, there is no way for forwarded emails to be accounted for even if
someone wanted to make a donation for each one, and  the professor named at Yeshiva
University, Dr. Dennis Shields, says he never  had anything to do with any such story. If you
dial his number, you get a recording saying the story is not true. 

There are several versions of this email making the rounds of the Net. Some simply say this
is a poem written by a dying girl. Others say the little girl gave it to a medical student.
Others say the poem is being circulated by a doctor.

The poem is actually from  the pen of psychologist and writer David L. Weatherford

*************************

Though ironic, the Guelph based band Blind Colour has written and recorded a song based on this very poem.  Though labelled as a hoax because of its sorted history, the message it
sends is mostly accurate and worthy of repeating.  Blind Colour has partnered with the Canadaian Cancer Society, and will donate 50 cents from every 99 cent download of the song from iTunes.  I went to high school with the band's Paul Cook, so I am sure that this time
Slow Dance is legitimate.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=10150675092850018
 
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/album/slow-dance-single/id447212076?ign-mpt=uo%3D4
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    The majority of all these entries were written by Darrel's father, Stephen.  For those that are not, efforts have been made to give proper credit where it is due.

    The bulk of the posts are in the June 2011 Archives Section, as that is when I transferred them over to this site.  Category Tags should allow you to find entries easier.

    I've tried to correct spacing issues on many of the entries, as most of the older ones have been copied from different sites I've used in the past. I apologize if some have been overlooked.

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