Without much doubt, for the majority of us, 2020 has unfolded, and continues to play-out in ways nobody could have thought possible. All the hopes, dreams, and well thought out plans for this year were soon to laid to waste by the fear, paranoia and the realities caused by COVID-19, as well as the fallout from our respective government's actions, reactions, and/or inactions. As people we know and love took ill and/or died, there was, and also is, a huge financial toll on both businesses and individuals throughout the World. No one could have expected all that has happened since late February, nor does anyone have a Crystal Ball to show them what is to come in the near future. Will there be a Vaccine??? Will there be a Second Wave during the Flu Season???

On a certain level, this strangely reminds me of how 2007 was for my family. The year began with a small sense of optimism, with Darrel working with a tutor to potentially go back to school, not as many extended hospital stays, and all five of us spending more time under the same roof than apart for the first time in a long time. We all were aware that there would be many hurdles still to overcome, but for an ever brief time, we almost came to believe that we could be one of the more fortunate families battling against neuroblastoma. The Scan results from early February, and even worse information at Easter time were both brutal and devastating reminders that childhood cancer knows no limits, and rarely shows any mercy.

I have discussed much of what happened during those last few months in previous Blogs, but needless to say, a great many of those hours, days and months are full of moments that blur together in a soupy haze, while others consist of memories that I can still remember in every precise and painful detail 13 years later. After Darrel's death on September 9, 2007, as we attempted to pick up the shambles of our forever broken family, we had no idea how we would cope, or what a "new normal", a normal missing Darrel, could/would/or should even look like. How would this affect my marriage??? How would Kira and Lauren be able to come to terms with losing their brother??? Questions without Answers...for many of us, that is what 2020 has become, much like 2007 was for my family. And just as there will be potential repercussions of COVID to our society for many years to come, adapting to having Darrel taken far too early from us drastically altered the path our lives seemed to be heading before we ever heard the word "neuroblastoma". Both of these are years that I would much sooner forget ever existed, but that is not the way of things. Time does NOT heal ALL wounds, and it seldom lets you choose what to remember and what it allows you to forget.

On Monday, Darrel's dog Lady celebrated her 15th Birthday! I never was much of a "Dog Person", but shortly after he was diagnosed, Darrel, said he wanted a dog, so that is when Lady came into our family. She may be partially blind now, has a few medical issues customary to small breed dogs, and not as sure of her footing as she once was, but Lady is still pretty much the same dog she was when Darrel with still with us. I often think back to Darrel's Visitations at the Funeral Home, and how Lady just curled up on one of Darrel's blankets we had placed up by his Urn. You could almost tell that she knew that she would never ever see her Best Friend again, and she was trying to remain as dignified and calm as she could, for fear of being taken elsewhere. Every once in a while she would wander around and check out, and even greet some of the long line-up of visitors, but would slowly and quietly make her way back to Darrel's side...one last time. I don't recall her ever barking, growling, becoming unsettled or even needing out during that time, but that was one of the more blurry moments after Darrel's passing for me. To this day, I am still so amazed and thankful that the Funeral Home had been so accommodating and insightful from the moment they heard that Darrel had died (and even before, as one of the Funeral Directors lived just down the street from us, and could tell by the comings and goings from our place that we would be contacting him soon).  I have never heard of or seen a dog present at a Funeral before or since. It may seem like a small and insignificant gesture, but for my family, it a huge difference.

Later this month, on September 25, it will mark 3 years since my mother passed away. The Love and Bond between a parent and a child is unmatched by anything, but a close second is that between a grandparent and their grandchildren. My Parents (Grandpa and Grandma with the Car according to Darrel) had been there to help us with each of the kids whenever we needed them.  It was a bit more difficult at first, when we lived in Brantford and Barrie with Kira, but we were back in Fergus again before Lauren and Darrel were born. There was Pure Joy in their faces every opportunity they had to share with my kids. This was even more true after Darrel was diagnosed with cancer. My Parents took a more active role in keeping a regular routine for my girls when Darrel and his mother were at SickKids in Toronto. As I was working steady Nights, the girls would sleep and spend a great deal of their time with my mother and father. My mother would also help out with the cooking, cleaning, and laundry duties, while still being at her work Full Time, and maintaining their own house too. For some families this would be way too much to ask, but not for mine...and I never even had to ask. They were there then, they were there when things fell apart with Darrel's mother in 2014, and are still there continuing to look out for me and the girls in 2020! Miss You Mom!!

In closing, I encourage everyone to try and find some Positive in all that happens in their daily lives. Whatever it is, there is a good chance that it may never happen exactly like that again. Things can occur beyond our ability to control, fix, or even avoid. If I were to have focused solely on the Negative, I would be bitter, and of little use my daughters or to anyone else...including myself! This is often easier said than done, but I can speak from experience, it is a worthy goal to try and achieve.  Thank You.

Love and Miss You Little Man

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September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Please consider turning your Social Media Profile Gold to honour, remember, and support all the children who are literally in a fight for their lives. 

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Today should be the day I officially no longer have a teenager to call my own, but in reality, because of neuroblastoma, that happened when Lauren turned 20 back in November 2018.  With the COVID-19 Pandemic we are currently going through, there would not have been much of a party allowed to happen now, but I'm sure Darrel would found a way to celebrate his 20th Birthday with his friends (probably not Gavin..The Boy with the Dinosaur shirt), possible girlfriend, and hypothetically my future daughter-in-law...but none of this was meant to be. But I do clearly remember the day he was born: the warm May afternoon at Groves Memorial Hospital; the fact that I got quite dizzy standing beside his mother (which was odd because I was perfectly fine with Kira and Lauren {though Grandma Webers passed out in the Delivery Room with Kira}...so I'll blame the heat in the Room...it's my Blog, so I can say that if I want to); the surprise and joy from Grandma and Grandpa Robb when we arrived with him back at the House (they were looking after Kira and Lauren) so soon after he was born (we weren't kept at the hospital afterwards long enough to even call them to let them know about his arrival...Cell phones still weren't that common of a thing back in 2000); and the wonder and awe as his sisters got to hold him for the very first time.  Of course, these memories have been tainted by those of September 9, 2007, when the Amazing Journey that started 20 years ago today came to an abrupt and unforgettable conclusion. In between those two dates, there were many times of joy and sadness, laughter and tears, and a wide range of every other emotion a person could possibly feel. Each moment will be with me forever, because those brief 7 years were all I was given with him, therefore every little story packs so much more meaning than it probably would otherwise.

Since my last Blog, Kira has completed her first year at Teachers College, though it was prematurely shortened due to the Coronavirus Outbreak. Much like with everyone else, this has caused confusion and uncertainty over how things will unfold for her in the future.  It is impossible for her to find the answers to the questions she has, because nobody knows what might happen tomorrow, next week, or next month.  We, as a Society, are all in Limbo, but for young people who were just beginning to embark on the next phase of their lives, this lack of any clear direction and focus can be even more unsettling.

Speaking of diving into the unknown, before the World was sent into all this turmoil, Lauren and Jacob bought a house in Guelph last Fall! This was a major step for both of them, and I would like to once again congratulate them on how they have handled things thus far. Fortunately they both have jobs where they were able to keep working through all that has happened over the past two months...the expenses and bills after such an undertaking have most likely been quite staggering.  Never been one to keep things the same for long, Lauren also adopted a dog shortly after moving into their new Home, welcoming Bailey to our extended family.

Being deemed an "Essential Worker" has also been quite the experience for me since March. Nobody would have predicted how important being employed at a grocery store would become through this Pandemic.  Other than in the Medical Field, very few businesses were allowed to remain open, so it was quite stressing emotionally and mentally through those early days and weeks. Society had to learn how to adapt and react as the situation evolved on an almost daily basis. Some people were able to make and deal with changes better than others, and we had to contend with both nearly every Shift at Work.  There are many stories I could tell, but this is hardly the Forum in which to do so. With Ontario doing a partial Re-Open last week, the lessons learned by the Food Retail Sector will now be applied in other sectors of the Economy. The Virus can only be controlled so much through social distancing and closures, so the road ahead will probably still have many more bumps for us all.

In conclusion, I'd like to once again say "Thank You" to all the people who have helped me along the way, and continue to support Darrel's Playground on the Website, on Facebook, and on Twitter (though I don't use it that much anymore).  It is greatly appreciated!


Happy Birthday Darrel!!!

Love and Miss You Little Man!!!


I'll keep with Tradition, and  I am still planning to have some Chicken McNuggets today, though I will need to go through the Drive-Thru. Due to COVID-19, customers are still not allowed inside McDonald's in Canada as of yet. Hoping this may change sooner rather than later.


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In Other News:

- The Darrel's Playground Website surpassed the 50,000 Hits mark on March 11th, which also happens to be Kira's Birthday. Thank You!

- Kira recently picked up The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild for her new Nintendo Switch. Darrel's love with the Zelda Series started from playing it during his many long stays in the Hospital, so I'm always somewhat pleased when another of Link's adventures finds it's way into the family setting.

- The International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week is just around the corner once more, running from June 15th to June 21st, 2020.  Please consider visiting and joining our Facebook Page:  http://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek 


- COVID-19 has had an impact on everyone, especially those with loved ones with pre-existing medical conditions and/or in the high-risk demographics. Maintaining an acceptable Social Distance is a challenge enough for the rest of us, but for those in more delicate situations, it is truly a Life or Death necessity.  I still communicate with people in the Childhood Cancer Community, so I know firsthand what new and unfortunate dynamics this has meant to them, and how they battle their child's cancer treatments. Big Hugs of Support to each and every one of you!


WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER...STAY SAFE AND THINK SMART!!!

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​What are "Essential Services"?

With the ongoing Coronavirus Pandemic, there are more and more people being quarantined, cancellations of Sporting and Entertainment events, closures of schools....and the list keeps getting longer. When any crisis hits, we automatically hear that "Essential Services" will remain functioning throughout whatever the situation happens to be. At first glance, such positions as Doctors, Nurses, Paramedics, and Police come to mind. This would surely be followed by at least some Power Infrastructure, Public Transit, and Road Maintenance Personnel (especially during Winter Storms). Whether we like them or not, we will still need some Politicians/Government Officials to co-ordinate all this too.

But this time around, things are a bit different. As the Outbreak stretches on, it is both comforting and somewhat disconcerting to know that Grocery Stores will remain Open (whether there will be any Toilet Paper left is another unsettling matter). The Public needs to know that the Supply Lines are there for them and their families, though some things may no longer be available. Since I am employed by a Grocery Store, it is good to know that there should still be a Pay Cheque coming in until this is all resolved. Odd though it may be, am I now considered "Essential" to helping our Society overcome COVID-19???
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The "Essential Services" label has also been used recently to my daughter's position at University. It has been decided that all the courses and exams will be conducted Online for the rest of this Semester, and that Students have been told they do not need attend classes or stay on Campus...BUT the Residences will remain functioning as planned. This is good, as many Students are unable to go Home or anywhere else with little or no notice. On the other hand, being in the position of a Head Resident, my daughter, as well as those who are Dons have been deemed "Essential" to maintaining the order and structure of Residence Life until the end of the Semester. On the surface, this is both reasonable and understandable, but somewhat troubling at the same time. She is still there, while so many others are being permitted and encouraged to leave as soon as possible. Definitely something any parent would think about.

​All I'm really saying is that for the time being, the "Front Lines" in this Outbreak seem to be expanding like never before, so please be considerate and patient. The people you come in contact are doing what they can, when they can...the best they can! Everyone would rather be at Home protecting themselves and their families too.


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These times are even more of a concern to pre-existing health compromised Loved Ones.  Whether they be old or young, they require access to certain resources now, more than ever before:

A More Serious Side of the Coronavirus...
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It has always been difficult enough to the Needed Supplies when they are needed before this Pandemic, but even more so now.
Please Buy What You Need...and NEED What You Buy

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Darrel is remembered every minute of every day of the year, but mostly on September 9th.  Over the other 364 days, I can often find some happy memories to focus on about his brief 7 years with us, but today...today I allow myself to be sad...and I am fully entitled to be!  Parents who have lost a child NEVER "Get Over It", and Society's inability to understand this is THEIR loss...which THEY need to Get Over!  Though most are good intentioned, there are some that are really more concerned about THEIR Comfort Level than the well being of the person they are claiming to support.  If listening to me talk about my son makes someone feel that uncomfortable, which one of us actually has a problem???  Many of the World's Problems today could be easily solved if people would only worry about how they live their own lives, and not oppose and/or dictate the choices made by others whom they will never even meet. Sounds almost too simple, doesn't it.

It's now been 12 years since the day Darrel was taken from us, and I still take this week off for vacation every September.  I don't expect to be overwhelmed by emotion, but if it does bubble to the surface, I have a right to feel the way I feel.  I have a good idea what my triggers are, but a stray comment, or a familiar sight, sound or smell (especially at) this time of year could affect me in unforeseen ways, so I put a little safe distance in there as a buffer zone.  Being Sad is not unhealthy, unwise, unmanly, or uncommon...it is Human.  The day I wake up and don't feel a sense of loss...THAT will be the day I will seek professional assistance.  

I have 3 children...Kira, Lauren and Darrel. I think about each of them all the time. Like most parents, I fondly recall the day they were born, their first words and the many other firsts that would follow. Like most parents (should), I have had dreams and aspirations for each of my children, and have always looked forward to sharing the dreams and goals that they have set for themselves.  Neuroblastoma may have limited the time I was given to share with Darrel, but it certainly will never negate the fact that he is still as much a part of me today as he was the first time I held his small, frail and innocent hand...or the very last time I held his small, frail and innocent hand, twelve years ago today. I will NEVER "Get Over It", and I will NEVER Let Go!

Love and Miss You Little Man 

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Please consider changing your Social Media Profiles to Gold for this month. Anything you can do to help make a difference is greatly appreciated. Together Towards A Cure

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Speaking of Darrel's sisters: Kira has returned to Brock University for her firth year/first year of Teacher's College. She has also been accepted to serve as a Campus Head Resident for the second time.  Good Luck and Congratulations Kira!

Lauren is continuing her apprenticeship at Linamar in Guelph, as well as taking courses at Conestoga College.  She has also recently purchased a house with her boyfriend, and is looking forward to all the adventures that are in her future.  Good Luck and Congratulations Lauren!

It should be added that Darrel's dog Lady celebrated her 14th Birthday a couple of days ago, on September 7th.

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The 2019 International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week was held on June 10 - 16, 2019.  Darrel's Playground was once again proud to assist in this Global Effort as on the Administrators.  Thank You to all who joined us this year.

This Website recently surpassed 48,000 Hits on August 30, 2019.  Thank You All!

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On September 1, 2019, I was at City Hall in Cambridge for the Official Childhood Cancer Awareness Month Flag being raised, as well as the City Sign turning Gold for September.  Thank You to Anita and everyone involved in organizing this event.  It is both unfortunate (that it is needed) and somewhat comforting (that such a resource is available) to have a group like Go Gold Cambridge so close to my area.

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I will be selling Raffle Tickets to help support Go Gold Cambridge and their families all through September...which of course is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!

1st Prize: All Inclusive Trip for 4 (Value $8,000.00)

2nd Prize: Sunwing Travel Voucher (Value $2,000.00)

3rd Prize: Weekend away at Niagara on the Lake

Tickets are: 1 for $10, 3 for $20 or 10 for $50

If you are interested, please let me know. For Out of Area people, it is possible to do an eTransfer, and I can send you a photo of your numbered Tickets. Thank You

More Information at: https://www.facebook.com/GoGoldCambridge/

Email me: darrelsplayground@yahoo.ca

​Another May 26th has arrived, with no Birthday Boy to celebrate it with...but if Darrel was still here, he would certainly be a Birthday Man! Though I'm sure he would have snuck a beer (or more) before today, he would be able to go out to a bar and legally drink with his friends for the first time legally tonight.  I've never been a Drinker myself (except for that one weekend at Sauble Beach...Thanks Michelle), so the stereotypical Father and Son sharing a drink together likely wouldn't have happened anyways, but I probably would have made an exception on this particular day.  Like so many things, I'll never know.

Many people On-Line have been complaining recently about how they feel cheated and disappointed about the Games of Thrones Series Finale last weekend...but at least the characters from Westeros were given some kind of a conclusion to their saga over the eight Season run of the show (whether you were satisfied with it or not).  Darrel was not even given eight years with us...leaving us with Pages..No...Chapters...No...BOOKS left unwritten!  The Series often foreshadowed what was to come further down the road, but when Darrel was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at only the age of 5, there was so much potential that was to remain hidden, and never given a chance to reveal itself to anyone.  There will be no Brienne to complete Jaime's entry in the Kingsguard Chronicle, or no hope that George R.R. Martin will give the story arc a different ending when he finishes writing his final two books.  I've always had high aspirations for Kira, Lauren and Darrel, but with my son's journey coming to such a premature end,  it is almost impossible to guess what the roads he was meant to travel down could, would, and more importantly...SHOULD have been. 

Since my last Blog, both Kira and Lauren, as always, have continued to make me proud, as they blaze a trail on their own into the future.  Kira has now completed her fourth year at Brock University, with Honours, and will be back in St. Catharines in the Fall to attend Teacher's College.  With all the recent cuts to education by the Ontario Government, I hope the situation has reversed itself, or at least been stabilized by the time she graduates in two years time.  Lauren is continuing her Millwright Apprenticeship in Guelph, and has been enrolled in more courses at Conestoga College for the Fall Semester.  Keeping her passion for the Sport alive, Lauren's Baton Evolution from Athlete, to Coach to Judge has happened since my last entry.  Though she no longer needs me to drive her to the Competitions, or be there in the Stands to cheer her on, I still pop in to the odd event to catch up with the extended Superstar Family, and see Judge Lauren in action too. THAT is what Family is about...being there in the Good Times and the Bad, regardless if you are asked to be around, or if your presence is really required at all.

Today will be a day of McNuggets and Memories, and a day of Tears and Smiles.  Remembering the day Darrel was born is forever linked with the day he died...and all the far too short time in between those dates are treasured memories to me, and my family.  So Raise Your Glass to Darrel today.  Though he could legally have a beer now, I'll stick to his old favourite...Apple Juice.

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

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Our Darrel's Playground Website surpassed 47,000 Hits on May 21, 2019.  Thanks to everyone who has stopped by.  Obviously there isn't much new content anymore, but the Visits are appreciated all the same. 


International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week is coming soon: June 10th - June 16th, 2019

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It is often difficult to put into words unceasing and ever lingering pain a parent feels when they lose a child. Like most of you, I have had my share (perhaps more than my fair share) of highs and lows...physically, financially, and emotionally.  People usually try to categorize and compare events they deem to be of the "Life Defining" variety. As time goes on, their ranking of these moments will no doubt change...as there will be new adventures (both good and bad) to add, while others no longer will hold to be as important as they once did. For me, the Top of the List never changes, and probably never will.  After all that I've been personally been through, a significant part of all that I was, and all that I would be will be is forever frozen at 4:10 PM on September 9, 2007.  How can being there at the end of a Life you helped to create, and were duty bound to guide and protect, not alter everything about what makes/made you...you? Knowing that whatever I may face in the future, there is little likelihood anything will ever have such an enormous and lasting effect as having my son die in my arms. On that day, I learned what true pain could be.  

For the past 11 years, I've had to contend with my memories of that day.  There is no escape from what happened, nor do I want there to be one. I have (so far) been able to cope (for the most part) with losing Darrel, but not everyone is able to process such a traumatic outcome as balanced as I apparently have.  I still experience good days and bad days...it's just I am better adapting when possible triggers present themselves before me.  It is certainly not my position, or anyone else's, to pass any kind of judgment on how a parent chooses to address what they are going through.  There is no direct correlation between how a person reacts and the depth of their loss, or the underlining love behind it all.  There is no one right or one wrong solution to move forward, but having a strong Support System in place can often play a significant role in the pace of a person's recovery timetable. We are all individuals, and a proven path taken by one person in no way can necessarily translate into a successful route for someone else.

With the death of my mother last year, I've also had to reflect on another life of someone else close to me.  While the family dealt with all the financial issues of her estate in the first few months of her passing, there remains much of her personal belongings and mementos untouched. Every once in a while, my father and I pick a few drawers or boxes to sift through.  Pictures and letters comprise the majority of what we have reorganized so far, but there have been a few unexpected finds.  One of the biggest surprises was the several certificates for her from the Royal Conservatory of Music!  In all my 47 years, I never once had heard my mother play a piano...yet she was quite (apparently) accomplished at the instrument in her younger years. How is it possible that I never had any inkling that she had once had such a talent?  It made me feel a bit better when my father said he had only heard her play once throughout their many years together.  Truly amazes me that someone who knew me so well, and I thought I knew everything about, had such an interesting aspect to them that I was totally unaware of.


Loss is a strange thing, but it is something we all will have to contend with on one level sooner or later.  It is not a weakness, but a part of life.  Hopefully we can grow and learn from our losses.  It is never easy, but who said life was meant to be easy?


With that, I'd like to thank you all for your continued support of my family and this website.


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The 2018 International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week was held on June 11 -17, 2018.  Darrel's Playground was once again proud to assist in this Global Effort as one of the Administrators.  Thank You to all who participated.

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September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Please consider changing your Social Media Profiles to Gold for this month.  Anything you can do to help make a difference will be greatly appreciated. 

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​Eighteen is often a milestone age for a young adult: High School is behind them;  a possible year off to travel or work; saying goodbye to old friends that are no longer going in the same direction as them anymore; and/or preparing to meet new people that may become friends as they set off into a life filled with new experiences that will help define what life may have in future for them.  I was there to guide, assist and hopefully provide some helpful insights when this time arrived both of Darrel's sisters, but on days like his birthday, I am painfully reminded (though it is impossible for me to ever forget the other 364 days of the year) that this is a moment I have been denied sharing with my son.  For almost 11 years now, Darrel has not been physically here to be a part of our daily lives, but he has never, nor will he ever be absent from my thoughts on any given day.  Some might view that as a curse or unpleasant thing, but I am thankful for it.  Though I can not change anything that happened to Darrel, I most certainly will not deny it either.  To forget any part of that journey would be a disservice to his memory, and that of the countless children that have, are, and will face off against childhood cancers like neuroblastoma.

Since my last entry, I attended a group session with a couple of Mediums that was held in the area.  I have always been somewhat curious about such things, so I figured I would see first hand what it was all about.  The Mediums took turns connecting to any spirits that were in the Hall, then tried to find out who the messages they were receiving were meant for.  Some of the information was rather abstract, and could have really been applied to nearly any of us there, while in a few instances, the detailed and pinpoint accuracy of the connections clearly moved specific audience members to tears.  I was both relieved and disappointed that none of the messages in any way could be interpreted as holding a relevance my situation with either Darrel or my mother, who passed away last Fall.  I haven't ruled out having a private session with a Medium sometime down the road, but the possibility of sharing such a personal experience with a bunch of strangers would be much more unnerving to comprehend.

With Kira now completed her third year at Brock University, it's nice to once again have someone to keep me company here, other than Lady and Bella.  Lady gave us quite a scare a few months ago.  Darrel's dog developed a rather intense internal infection, and for a while, the outlook was about as grim as it could get.  Given her age (she will be 13 in September), there was only so much that could be done with any reasonable chance of success.  It got to the point where even the vet believed Lady was not going to recover, and that appropriate measures might need to be considered.  Surprisingly and fortunately, Lady did in fact pull through, and is back to where she was healthwise as she was when the year began. Both dogs, along with myself, of course, are happy to have Kira back for the Summer.  Lauren still pops in regularly to see us, but it took awhile to adjust not seeing her every day.

As I always post a Blog on May 26th and September 9th, quite often there isn't anything new and relevant to add, but I still find the need to do so anyways.  I have countless stories about Darrel, but almost all have been mentioned, some more than once.  Rereading my older entries helps to keep these memories fresh in my mind, and even the odd time, I am surprised by a detail that I somehow haven't recalled so clearly.  They often say that it's the "Little Things That Matter The Most"...I couldn't agree more.

Thank You again for your continued support and interest.


Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man


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***Reminder*** The International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week will be held June 11-17, 2018.  Darrel's Playground will once again be proud to serve as one of the Canadian Administrators for this event.   Please feel free to visit our Facebook Page at:

https://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek


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On September 25, 2017, my mother, Helen Robb, passed away, after a short but intense battle with Cancer.  What started as uncomfortable stomach issues earlier last Spring would soon set her and my family on a similar emotional roller coaster that we had gone through with Darrel just over ten years previously. While we had nearly two years after diagnosis to come to terms with what was happening to Darrel, we only had mere months when it came to my mother.  There are those who would argue that the cancer moving quickly is always preferable to a more long and drawn out process, but at the end of the day, and especially THAT day, my mother was still taken from her family far too soon.

We have done the best we can to rally around my father these past months, as his loss was greater than probably the rest of ours combined.  My parents would have celebrated their 50th Anniversary later this year, but of course, my father knew and loved her for much longer than that.  She was his wife, his best friend, his beacon, and his EVERYTHING.  Adjusting to every second of every day without her by his side has been no easy task for him to contend with, but we try to help out and support him whenever and however we can. Thanksgiving and Christmas were significant challenges for all of us to get through without her guidance, supervision, and her smile and laugh at the Dinner Table with us.  Moving forward, it will be a delicate matter to decide which Family Traditions should remain untouched, which should be adapted, and which should not be continued any longer without my mother to oversee them.  Ahead of my family this year will be many such occasions where the "First Without Mom" will add a new emotional component to the event that was not there before now.

There are countless memories that I could share about my mother, but they could not possibly convey fully how much she meant to myself and her family and friends.  I'm still attempting to process this loss, and most likely will for some time to come.  I know firsthand that people can deal with their grief in a different way, but I am also discovering that I have many varying layers of grief when I've lost someone so close to me.  This does not feel the same as when we lost Darrel. I'm not saying that it should, and I'm not saying it shouldn't, but I just assumed they would be on a similar level. Could it be the internal dynamics of the relationship make that much more of an impact than just looking at it from it being a single generational standpoint? A Father/Protector losing his Son going against a Son losing his Mother/Protector?  I've been through a lot over these past ten years, and perhaps they have changed me a bit more than I thought.  Whether I find out or not, only time will tell I guess.

The concept of how to differentiate between my parents and Rebecca's parents had confounded all my kids when they were younger, but especially Darrel.  Since his Robb grandparents always drove a car, and his Webers grandparents always had a truck, he assigned labels to them on terms he could more easily understand. The handles of 'Grandpa/Grandma With The Car' and 'Grandpa/Grandma With The Truck' would continue to be used long after Darrel was taken from us.  Darrel had several other nicknames for people close to him, and phrases he liked to use.  While I don't go out of my way to use them, they seem to work themselves into conversations I am having with someone from time to time.  It always brings a little smile to my face when I get a knowing and reassuring response from the other person that remembers that those words originally came from Darrel.

Another substantial change around here recently has been Lauren moving out on her own at the beginning of January.  It is a big step for her, but it is one that I am confident and proud that she has decided to undertake.  While the commute from Fergus to Guelph isn't very long, with the amount of extra hours she puts in, along with the unpredictable road conditions throughout the winter, it does make sense to be closer to where she needs to be most of the time.  It has/will no doubt been quite an adjustment for Lauren, as well as for me too.  With Kira off at university, it will be just me and the dogs now for much of the year.  And so the Adventure Continues...


Thank You for visiting Darrel's Playground

​Rest In Peace Mom

​What can I say about Darrel that I haven't mentioned many times over the past ten years?  YES, IT HAS BEEN TEN YEARS! Judging by the size of this Blog, apparently quite a bit!  Darrel's smile, wit, laugh, and wisdom beyond his years are always with me in the present day, even though in reality this happened more and more in my distant past.  That is the way it is when we lose someone close to us...we try to hold on tightly to the memories we shared with that person.  Of course, being a bereaved parent, this process is greatly intensified.  This is not to say our grief is necessarily greater to losses suffered by others, but it is certainly different. Parents in my situation are more or less the sole caretakers of all that child was, of all that child will ever be, and held the greatest dreams of what that child could have been.  Whoever said "Time heals all wounds" has never dealt with what many of us have had to endure.  but some days it feels like 10 minutes ago. This all seemed to be having an effect on me earlier this year than in the past. Just because the Calendar tells me September 9th is around the corner, and 2007 was a decade ago, I have been waking up feeling a bit different lately. The Mind is a mysterious thing...a certain day, a certain place, a certain sound, or a certain smell will bring it all flooding back with no way of controlling it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, as much as these times upset me, a part of me is glad they do...if they ever don't, I won't have only lost Darrel, I'll have lost myself as well. 

No one will ever spend more time, or know more about that child than his/her parents.  We were their World, and they were ours.  Because of this, many parents like myself often struggle and go to great lengths to safeguard all of the precious and brief moments that were spent with that child.  Some say that the Greatest Fear a Grieving Parent has is that their child will be forgotten, even by themselves in some way. I believe this to be true, and very much the case.  That is why I do these blogs.  Darrel is always with me in the here and now.  I retell stories that will often make me sad, and miss him more, but at the same time can bring a smile to my face, as I know I had a Front Row seat to the life of such a remarkable young man...from the very beginning until the far too soon conclusion.  Only his mother and I will ever to able to say that.  My Blogs may introduce Darrel to those who will never get to meet him, but they also serve as a back-up memory for me.  Try as I might, I can not possibly remember it all that happened over the years.  Revisiting older Posts also gives me insights into what was going through my own mind as the events continued to unfold. I am thankful they are a resource I can call upon now, and in the future.

Cancer, in its many forms, has no doubt touched the lives of almost everyone reading this Post.  Currently, I have two people close to me who are under going treatments at Grand River Hospital in Kitchener. I have found myself walking the halls of a hospital that I haven't been in for 10 years.  For 2 years, if Darrel wasn't at Home, he was either at the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto, or at Grand River Hospital.  The Staff in Kitchener treated him like a King every time he was there, and this is greatly appreciated by me still to this day (Special thanks to Dr. Wilson and Nurse Patti for even making a special visit to Fergus on Darrel's last day).  I know that these people I care about are in excellent hands at this facility.


With the discussion that central venous catheter might need to be put in place for one of them to receive their chemotherapy, Darrel's voice immediately shouted in my mind "It's A Hickman!!" There are several kinds of Central Line ports that are commonly used during cancer treatments, such as a Double-Lumen or a Hickman.  For Darrel, it was a Hickman Line.  He was always very observant when the nurses came in to give him medications or flush his line while in the hospital,  and Darrel could easily tell if a nurse was not entirely sure how to proceed. This was mainly at Grand River, as they did not have a separate Ward for Children's Oncology (therefore the Staff wouldn't be as familiar with all the equipment), but it did happen occasionally in Toronto as well.  If Darrel felt the nurse was hesitating for too long, he would not so calmly let her know that she was in fact dealing with a Hickman!  The nurse would then look at either parent in the room for confirmation, then continue to complete the tasks at hand. He was never too shy to inform them if he believed something wasn't being done properly, as they literally had his life in their hands.  As Doctor Darrel's intuition was usually correct, I couldn't really tell him not to voice his concerns.

In moments of personal reflection, I think most of us look back upon our lives, regardless of how old we are at the time, and try and pinpoint the turning points that happened to us, and that set us off in a new direction.  These could range from the Happy: Graduation; New Job; Marriage; Birth of your First Child...to the Sad: Medical Issue; Accident; Divorce; or Death of a Loved One.  Having contended with all of these, in varying degrees, losing Darrel ten years ago today has, and will always have the greatest impact on all that I am, and all that I will be.  I am NOT living in the past, though I've been told that more than once, but the memories of the loss and pain thrust upon myself and my family that day can not be overlooked or understated!  I am confident that there are many more Highs and Lows ahead of me, but I sincerely doubt any will match far reaching scope of THAT day.  I continue to move forward and move on, but to close the Door on that part of my past would be impossible to achieve, not that I would ever try to. 


Love and Miss You Little Man

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Other Things To Mention


- For another year, Darrel's Playground was pleased to serve as the Canadian Administrator for the International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week, which ran from June 12 - June 18, 2017.  Thank You to everyone who Liked, Shared, and/or Posted on our Facebook and Twitter Pages.

​https://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek/

- Childhood Cancer Canada relaunched their Hero Shirt Program this year, and Darrel once again was included (in the "E").  Thank You to everyone who purchased a shirt.  Orders can still be made at:

https://teesforthepeople.com/products/i-love


- The remaining Legal Matters between Darrel's mother and I were finally resolved this past July.  Though not everything turned out the way I had hoped, having Kira, Lauren and Darrel all under the same roof as me once again makes the entire drawn out procedure worthwhile in the long run.


Here is a Link to an Article I found on Grieving Parents:

https://themighty.com/2016/01/the-greatest-fear-of-a-grieving-parent/




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Please remember to Go Gold in September for Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  With your support, we can move Together Towards A Cure!

"As my memory rests 
But never forgets what I lost 
Wake Me Up When September Ends" ~ Green Day

Today, Darrel would and should be celebrating his 17th Birthday.  For 10 years now, May 26th has come and gone without the kind of celebrations that should mark your child's birthday...No Cake...No Candles...No Gifts...No Song...and No Darrel.  I will be making my semi-annual pilgrimage to McDonald's for Chicken McNuggets and Apple Juice later today, but other than personal reflection and recollection, there is little more left for me to do.  Writing this Blog is a way to keep myself grounded in the here and now, as well as in the past at the same time.  On September 9th, it will be a full decade without my son by my side.  So very much has changed in that time, and I often wonder how things might have turned out differently if I had never heard the word neuroblastoma.  The arrival of each of my children had profound effects on everything I would ever do from that point on, but in light of all that would follow far too soon afterwards, Darrel would and does still have the greatest impact.  Every one of us has lost a family member or other loved one, but losing a child IS different, and watching your child take his last breath right before your very eyes is most devastating of all.  Knowing all that you did just wasn't enough, and all that you can ever do will not change what has happened stays with you in ways impossible to describe. But for today, I can and will remember that smile, that laugh, and that love that was and always will be Darrel.

Since I haven't blogged in awhile, there are a few things to mention...

- Back in November, I had a surreal experience one night. When I was walking by the Girls' room, Lauren was sitting on the floor cleaning up things (that almost never happens, but that's not what I'm talking about). When she glanced up at me, for a second I thought, and it most certainly felt like it was Darrel looking back at me! I think I must have lost some of the colour in my face, as Lauren asked me if I was feeling sick. Being brother and sister, there were always some similarities, but for a brief time that day, there seemed to be so much more of a connection. After not seeing his face in front of me in over 9 years, it was both a happy and sad moment. Regardless, I'm glad it happened.

- Each Winter, the Township usually floods a Park or two, and makes them ready for Public Skating.  I can't recall them ever doing Stait Park before, but that did indeed happen a few months ago.  Stait Park had always been under-used and under-appreciated before the renovations took place, and knowing that our fund raising in Darrel's name helped to make that transformation possible is somewhat heartwarming.  The Park is now active year around, and continues to thrive.  People passing by might not know who the Darrel Robb on the sign was, but I do!

- In March, Darrel's big sister Kira turned 20!  It continues to be a shame that Darrel will never be with us again to share in these family milestones.

- Although the legal process is still ongoing with Darrel's mother, there was a significant step forward, with a resolution concerning Darrel's cremated remains.  With the Status Quo, the remains staying solely in the House, being unacceptable to me, I had sought to have the matter legally dealt with.  I am more than pleased to say, Darrel is once again under the same roof as his sisters and me.  A Sort of Homecoming happened on April 20th, which I am grateful for.  The way this matter was dealt with, and the fact that it had to be legally dealt with at all, is most unfortunate, but the end result is one that allows me to move on.  

- Childhood Cancer Canada has revived their Childhood Cancer Hero Program, and Darrel's name will be included once again on the latest shirts.  I have not received mine as of yet, but it should be arriving shortly.

https://teesforthepeople.com/products/i-love


- I usually at this time repost the "Missing Darrel" video I made years ago, but can not today.  Warner Music has had YouTube block the video, due to the use of Fleetwood Mac's "Songbird".  This has happened 5 times now, and then it is periodically unblocked.  Perhaps I'll be able to Share it again in the future.

- The Darrel's Playground website passed 38,000 Hits threshold yesterday.  Thank You!

- Thoughts and Prayers for a Dear Friend who is now on their own journey fighting against Cancer.  Big Hugs!


In conclusion, I'd like to once again say thank you to everyone who helps to keep Darrel's memory alive by visiting this page, or following us on Facebook or Twitter.  It means a great deal to me that he still resonates in some way with friends, family, and strangers alike after all these years.  While Darrel was certainly most unique, far too many children share a similar journey as my son did.  Please consider doing what you can, when you can, and make a difference in the lives of the countless children that have, and will follow down a road that no one ever asks to be on.  Anything you do will be appreciated in ways you will never know.


Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

                                               Made by Christine Pagliassotti