Fourteen years ago today, everything changed, and my personal world would never be the same again. As our immediate and extended families were being overwhelmed by emotions with the loss of Darrel, word of his passing slowly made its way outside the walls of our Home. Friends called friends, who in turn called other friends. Back in 2007, Social Media and the way most people use the Internet were in their infancy, so even though Facebook may have existed, it certainly wasn't the inter-connected information network that it has become today. At times, I wish that I had had access to all the resources the Internet can provide back during Darrel's treatments...but these weren't readily available to me back then. I am now part of many Support Groups on Facebook, as they have assisted me in getting through some issues I have faced, and I'd like to think my insights have helped others along the way too. Talking with other parents who have travelled down the same unpleasant road as you can provide some solace, as well as guidance to possibilities you had not considered. That being said, there is an Ugly Side to Social Media, which seems to be growing stronger and more prevalent as of late. People who know basically nothing about a given situation hide behind their computer keyboards to weigh in with their unsolicited opinions and advice, as though they are experts on the matter at hand. And for this reason, I'm quite glad that Social Media was not the intrusive behemoth it is today.

This has been especially true lately here in Fergus, after an incident in the very Apartment Building that I live in. Without going into all the details, I'll just say that there was a disturbance with a young man contending with varying levels of mental illness that resulted in a stabbing, a Police shooting, and the death of the young man in question. In a world where Social Media is everywhere, Posts about what people "believed" had happened were on Newsfeeds around the town, country, and even world before this individual's family were aware of anything at all. This is not the way to find out about something befalling your Loved Ones.  Their personal tragedy was made even worse by the Comments and Opinions by people, with absolutely no first-hand knowledge of the altercation (or those physically involved in it) on these Social Media Pages. I was at Work the day everything unfolded, but I have since talked to many of those that WERE here, and even now, I don't have a perfectly clear understanding, yet there are those claiming they have all the data they need to make an "informed opinion". There are those that question how the Police handled the confrontation, but most are extremely harsh on the family of the young man...claiming they could and should have done more, without having a clue as to what steps they had taken, and the struggles they had been dealing with before these 'Know-It-Alls' had ever heard of the young man's name! Talk about kicking someone when they are already down!

As I Grieving Parent, I can certainly sympathize with what an emotional upheaval they are going through, and will probably continue to go through for the rest of their lives. Of course, the way Darrel was taken from us is drastically different from how they lost their son, yet the end result is a young life was lost far too soon, and the questions of "Why" and "What If" will always be with them every waking moment, and linger in their subconscious minds while they sleep. I know we did everything we could for Darrel, but that doesn't stop me from believing that there could have been something...seemingly big or insignificantly small, that if we had proceeded differently, we could have saved him. This has been a part of my daily existence for the last 14 years. Fortunately, my internal struggle with this are not constantly being piled onto like this poor man's family is enduring. Only they know what steps they took, when they took them, and why they took them. They definitely don't need some strangers questioning and second-guessing their decisions, and being accused of not caring enough to act by those who seem to feel they know better...after the fact.

I am by no means against Social Media, as I would be the first to admit I spend far too much time on Facebook, YouTube, and TikTok every day, but I do wish there would be some boundaries that Commenters wouldn't cross. In some of my Blogs, I do probably open-up, and share more than I should, but there are ways they can respond both honestly and respectfully at the same time. People are entitled to holding different opinions, but preaching about them with some kind of false and absolute authority is totally unacceptable. Perhaps, during this COVID era, much of society has forgotten how to interact with others in a civilized and decent manner, if that ever really existed in the first place. Whether the debate is on Politics, Religion, or what to have for dinner, we can agree to disagree without degrading those who have another perspective on an issue.

In the greater scheme of things, there is usually more that unites us than divides us. You would think that supporting childhood cancer research would be one such cause, but many would rather turn their heads, and hope it goes away on its own. This is both foolish and counter-productive, but also one of the reasons we hold Childhood Cancer Awareness Month every September, along with International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week every June. We all have viewpoints that we support, and these are definitely two close to my heart.

Thank You for remembering Darrel today.

Love and Miss You Little Man


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As COVID-19 continues to evolve, mutate, and alter what societies around the world consider to be the "New Normal" for their populations, I still constantly cast my gaze back to May 26, 2000...the day Darrel was born. While I am not stuck in the past, a large part of my conscious and unconscious mind will remain firmly placed within those brief seven years Darrel was with us. I would certainly never try to diminish anyone's grief over their loss of a loved one, but losing a child is on a completely different scale. A parent's sole purpose is to protect and nurture their child, through all that may come their way, all the joys and pains...and every moment in between. The death of a child, especially at a young age, is utterly devastating, but the grief also comes layered with a sense of guilt and defeat. What could and should I have done differently??? What if this action was taken or not taken....Would the outcome have been changed...Would my son still be with me today???  I know we did everything we could for Darrel, but there will always be the same nagging question...Could we have done more???  These are the thoughts that I live with daily, but I allow myself to openly consider them at least every May 26th and September 9th.  It may not be healthy to always dwell on those times, but I truly feel that to not think about them at all would definitely cause more harm to me in the long run.

On a happier note, I am pleased to announce (for those of you not on Facebook) that Darrel's sister Lauren got engaged back in November 2020! This was/is Great News, and I certainly wish to congratulate Lauren and Jacob, and offer them All My Best for their Future together!!  As with almost everything nowadays, COVID will play a significant role in deciding how and when their  forthcoming wedding will unfold. Regardless of all that is happening around them, it is reassuring to see that people are still living in the moment, and dreaming of their futures the way only young couples in love can do.

Kira has been accepted to the Masters Program at Brock University, and will continue her studies there in the Fall. Thanks to her excellent grades, she has received many Scholarships and Grants along the way, so her hard work on her educational endeavours has provided some financial benefits along the way too. Another Proud Father Moment to be sure! When all that is said and done, she will have actually spent 21 consecutive years in School!! Don't think she really appreciated that fact after I pointed it out, but it's True (Funny how it seems...Optional). 

I could also not escape the passage of time and personal reflection last month, as I celebrated my 50th Birthday! I remember how old I thought my father was when he turned 50 in 1996, but reaching that milestone myself...it isn't that old at all! I should add, that even to this day, my father expects a call to tell him I've made it Home safely if I've been driving a long distance out of town! He is still always looking out for me now, regardless of how old I get, or even how old he gets.

While so much is behind me (The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly), there is so much to look forward to as well. With the Love and Support of my family and friends, I embark ready to embrace whatever Life happens to send my way...but not so many Curve Balls please! A Special Thanks go out to Kim, Kira, and Lauren for the Birthday/Easter Combo Party they held for me that weekend. With all the COVID Restrictions in place, I'm sure it was more of a challenge than it otherwise would have been. 

On what would have /could have/should have been Darrel's 21st Birthday, it is hard to even begin to imagine what his life would look like today...along with how all of our lives would have been dramatically different if he had not been taken from us back in 2007. All that we ever were, and all that we would ever be was set on a different course on the day in 2005 when he was diagnosed with neuroblastoma. But today is his birthday, so I'll focus on happier times, yet be saddened that the opportunity to make new memories with my son were forever stolen from me and our family.

A Parent's Love should not change with the passage of time. Kira, Lauren and Darrel are as much in my heart and in my thoughts as the day each of them were born. Of course, Blogs like this are really only express those emotions as far as Darrel is concerned, but that certainly does not mean they are any greater or lesser than for my daughters. For those that would say different...they don't really know me, or know what being a true parent actually is all about!

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

"In the back of my mind
You live all the time
In the back of my mind
Every night, Every day
That's where you still play
In the back of my mind"

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Just a Reminder that International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week is just around the corner: June 14th - June 20th, 2021

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Darrel's Playground is just about to reach 55,000 Hits. Thank You for your continued Support.

Without much doubt, for the majority of us, 2020 has unfolded, and continues to play-out in ways nobody could have thought possible. All the hopes, dreams, and well thought out plans for this year were soon to laid to waste by the fear, paranoia and the realities caused by COVID-19, as well as the fallout from our respective government's actions, reactions, and/or inactions. As people we know and love took ill and/or died, there was, and also is, a huge financial toll on both businesses and individuals throughout the World. No one could have expected all that has happened since late February, nor does anyone have a Crystal Ball to show them what is to come in the near future. Will there be a Vaccine??? Will there be a Second Wave during the Flu Season???

On a certain level, this strangely reminds me of how 2007 was for my family. The year began with a small sense of optimism, with Darrel working with a tutor to potentially go back to school, not as many extended hospital stays, and all five of us spending more time under the same roof than apart for the first time in a long time. We all were aware that there would be many hurdles still to overcome, but for an ever brief time, we almost came to believe that we could be one of the more fortunate families battling against neuroblastoma. The Scan results from early February, and even worse information at Easter time were both brutal and devastating reminders that childhood cancer knows no limits, and rarely shows any mercy.

I have discussed much of what happened during those last few months in previous Blogs, but needless to say, a great many of those hours, days and months are full of moments that blur together in a soupy haze, while others consist of memories that I can still remember in every precise and painful detail 13 years later. After Darrel's death on September 9, 2007, as we attempted to pick up the shambles of our forever broken family, we had no idea how we would cope, or what a "new normal", a normal missing Darrel, could/would/or should even look like. How would this affect my marriage??? How would Kira and Lauren be able to come to terms with losing their brother??? Questions without Answers...for many of us, that is what 2020 has become, much like 2007 was for my family. And just as there will be potential repercussions of COVID to our society for many years to come, adapting to having Darrel taken far too early from us drastically altered the path our lives seemed to be heading before we ever heard the word "neuroblastoma". Both of these are years that I would much sooner forget ever existed, but that is not the way of things. Time does NOT heal ALL wounds, and it seldom lets you choose what to remember and what it allows you to forget.

On Monday, Darrel's dog Lady celebrated her 15th Birthday! I never was much of a "Dog Person", but shortly after he was diagnosed, Darrel, said he wanted a dog, so that is when Lady came into our family. She may be partially blind now, has a few medical issues customary to small breed dogs, and not as sure of her footing as she once was, but Lady is still pretty much the same dog she was when Darrel with still with us. I often think back to Darrel's Visitations at the Funeral Home, and how Lady just curled up on one of Darrel's blankets we had placed up by his Urn. You could almost tell that she knew that she would never ever see her Best Friend again, and she was trying to remain as dignified and calm as she could, for fear of being taken elsewhere. Every once in a while she would wander around and check out, and even greet some of the long line-up of visitors, but would slowly and quietly make her way back to Darrel's side...one last time. I don't recall her ever barking, growling, becoming unsettled or even needing out during that time, but that was one of the more blurry moments after Darrel's passing for me. To this day, I am still so amazed and thankful that the Funeral Home had been so accommodating and insightful from the moment they heard that Darrel had died (and even before, as one of the Funeral Directors lived just down the street from us, and could tell by the comings and goings from our place that we would be contacting him soon).  I have never heard of or seen a dog present at a Funeral before or since. It may seem like a small and insignificant gesture, but for my family, it a huge difference.

Later this month, on September 25, it will mark 3 years since my mother passed away. The Love and Bond between a parent and a child is unmatched by anything, but a close second is that between a grandparent and their grandchildren. My Parents (Grandpa and Grandma with the Car according to Darrel) had been there to help us with each of the kids whenever we needed them.  It was a bit more difficult at first, when we lived in Brantford and Barrie with Kira, but we were back in Fergus again before Lauren and Darrel were born. There was Pure Joy in their faces every opportunity they had to share with my kids. This was even more true after Darrel was diagnosed with cancer. My Parents took a more active role in keeping a regular routine for my girls when Darrel and his mother were at SickKids in Toronto. As I was working steady Nights, the girls would sleep and spend a great deal of their time with my mother and father. My mother would also help out with the cooking, cleaning, and laundry duties, while still being at her work Full Time, and maintaining their own house too. For some families this would be way too much to ask, but not for mine...and I never even had to ask. They were there then, they were there when things fell apart with Darrel's mother in 2014, and are still there continuing to look out for me and the girls in 2020! Miss You Mom!!

In closing, I encourage everyone to try and find some Positive in all that happens in their daily lives. Whatever it is, there is a good chance that it may never happen exactly like that again. Things can occur beyond our ability to control, fix, or even avoid. If I were to have focused solely on the Negative, I would be bitter, and of little use my daughters or to anyone else...including myself! This is often easier said than done, but I can speak from experience, it is a worthy goal to try and achieve.  Thank You.

Love and Miss You Little Man

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September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Please consider turning your Social Media Profile Gold to honour, remember, and support all the children who are literally in a fight for their lives. 

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Today should be the day I officially no longer have a teenager to call my own, but in reality, because of neuroblastoma, that happened when Lauren turned 20 back in November 2018.  With the COVID-19 Pandemic we are currently going through, there would not have been much of a party allowed to happen now, but I'm sure Darrel would found a way to celebrate his 20th Birthday with his friends (probably not Gavin..The Boy with the Dinosaur shirt), possible girlfriend, and hypothetically my future daughter-in-law...but none of this was meant to be. But I do clearly remember the day he was born: the warm May afternoon at Groves Memorial Hospital; the fact that I got quite dizzy standing beside his mother (which was odd because I was perfectly fine with Kira and Lauren {though Grandma Webers passed out in the Delivery Room with Kira}...so I'll blame the heat in the Room...it's my Blog, so I can say that if I want to); the surprise and joy from Grandma and Grandpa Robb when we arrived with him back at the House (they were looking after Kira and Lauren) so soon after he was born (we weren't kept at the hospital afterwards long enough to even call them to let them know about his arrival...Cell phones still weren't that common of a thing back in 2000); and the wonder and awe as his sisters got to hold him for the very first time.  Of course, these memories have been tainted by those of September 9, 2007, when the Amazing Journey that started 20 years ago today came to an abrupt and unforgettable conclusion. In between those two dates, there were many times of joy and sadness, laughter and tears, and a wide range of every other emotion a person could possibly feel. Each moment will be with me forever, because those brief 7 years were all I was given with him, therefore every little story packs so much more meaning than it probably would otherwise.

Since my last Blog, Kira has completed her first year at Teachers College, though it was prematurely shortened due to the Coronavirus Outbreak. Much like with everyone else, this has caused confusion and uncertainty over how things will unfold for her in the future.  It is impossible for her to find the answers to the questions she has, because nobody knows what might happen tomorrow, next week, or next month.  We, as a Society, are all in Limbo, but for young people who were just beginning to embark on the next phase of their lives, this lack of any clear direction and focus can be even more unsettling.

Speaking of diving into the unknown, before the World was sent into all this turmoil, Lauren and Jacob bought a house in Guelph last Fall! This was a major step for both of them, and I would like to once again congratulate them on how they have handled things thus far. Fortunately they both have jobs where they were able to keep working through all that has happened over the past two months...the expenses and bills after such an undertaking have most likely been quite staggering.  Never been one to keep things the same for long, Lauren also adopted a dog shortly after moving into their new Home, welcoming Bailey to our extended family.

Being deemed an "Essential Worker" has also been quite the experience for me since March. Nobody would have predicted how important being employed at a grocery store would become through this Pandemic.  Other than in the Medical Field, very few businesses were allowed to remain open, so it was quite stressing emotionally and mentally through those early days and weeks. Society had to learn how to adapt and react as the situation evolved on an almost daily basis. Some people were able to make and deal with changes better than others, and we had to contend with both nearly every Shift at Work.  There are many stories I could tell, but this is hardly the Forum in which to do so. With Ontario doing a partial Re-Open last week, the lessons learned by the Food Retail Sector will now be applied in other sectors of the Economy. The Virus can only be controlled so much through social distancing and closures, so the road ahead will probably still have many more bumps for us all.

In conclusion, I'd like to once again say "Thank You" to all the people who have helped me along the way, and continue to support Darrel's Playground on the Website, on Facebook, and on Twitter (though I don't use it that much anymore).  It is greatly appreciated!


Happy Birthday Darrel!!!

Love and Miss You Little Man!!!


I'll keep with Tradition, and  I am still planning to have some Chicken McNuggets today, though I will need to go through the Drive-Thru. Due to COVID-19, customers are still not allowed inside McDonald's in Canada as of yet. Hoping this may change sooner rather than later.


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In Other News:

- The Darrel's Playground Website surpassed the 50,000 Hits mark on March 11th, which also happens to be Kira's Birthday. Thank You!

- Kira recently picked up The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild for her new Nintendo Switch. Darrel's love with the Zelda Series started from playing it during his many long stays in the Hospital, so I'm always somewhat pleased when another of Link's adventures finds it's way into the family setting.

- The International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week is just around the corner once more, running from June 15th to June 21st, 2020.  Please consider visiting and joining our Facebook Page:  http://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek 


- COVID-19 has had an impact on everyone, especially those with loved ones with pre-existing medical conditions and/or in the high-risk demographics. Maintaining an acceptable Social Distance is a challenge enough for the rest of us, but for those in more delicate situations, it is truly a Life or Death necessity.  I still communicate with people in the Childhood Cancer Community, so I know firsthand what new and unfortunate dynamics this has meant to them, and how they battle their child's cancer treatments. Big Hugs of Support to each and every one of you!


WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER...STAY SAFE AND THINK SMART!!!

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​What are "Essential Services"?

With the ongoing Coronavirus Pandemic, there are more and more people being quarantined, cancellations of Sporting and Entertainment events, closures of schools....and the list keeps getting longer. When any crisis hits, we automatically hear that "Essential Services" will remain functioning throughout whatever the situation happens to be. At first glance, such positions as Doctors, Nurses, Paramedics, and Police come to mind. This would surely be followed by at least some Power Infrastructure, Public Transit, and Road Maintenance Personnel (especially during Winter Storms). Whether we like them or not, we will still need some Politicians/Government Officials to co-ordinate all this too.

But this time around, things are a bit different. As the Outbreak stretches on, it is both comforting and somewhat disconcerting to know that Grocery Stores will remain Open (whether there will be any Toilet Paper left is another unsettling matter). The Public needs to know that the Supply Lines are there for them and their families, though some things may no longer be available. Since I am employed by a Grocery Store, it is good to know that there should still be a Pay Cheque coming in until this is all resolved. Odd though it may be, am I now considered "Essential" to helping our Society overcome COVID-19???
​
The "Essential Services" label has also been used recently to my daughter's position at University. It has been decided that all the courses and exams will be conducted Online for the rest of this Semester, and that Students have been told they do not need attend classes or stay on Campus...BUT the Residences will remain functioning as planned. This is good, as many Students are unable to go Home or anywhere else with little or no notice. On the other hand, being in the position of a Head Resident, my daughter, as well as those who are Dons have been deemed "Essential" to maintaining the order and structure of Residence Life until the end of the Semester. On the surface, this is both reasonable and understandable, but somewhat troubling at the same time. She is still there, while so many others are being permitted and encouraged to leave as soon as possible. Definitely something any parent would think about.

​All I'm really saying is that for the time being, the "Front Lines" in this Outbreak seem to be expanding like never before, so please be considerate and patient. The people you come in contact are doing what they can, when they can...the best they can! Everyone would rather be at Home protecting themselves and their families too.


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These times are even more of a concern to pre-existing health compromised Loved Ones.  Whether they be old or young, they require access to certain resources now, more than ever before:

A More Serious Side of the Coronavirus...
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It has always been difficult enough to the Needed Supplies when they are needed before this Pandemic, but even more so now.
Please Buy What You Need...and NEED What You Buy

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Darrel is remembered every minute of every day of the year, but mostly on September 9th.  Over the other 364 days, I can often find some happy memories to focus on about his brief 7 years with us, but today...today I allow myself to be sad...and I am fully entitled to be!  Parents who have lost a child NEVER "Get Over It", and Society's inability to understand this is THEIR loss...which THEY need to Get Over!  Though most are good intentioned, there are some that are really more concerned about THEIR Comfort Level than the well being of the person they are claiming to support.  If listening to me talk about my son makes someone feel that uncomfortable, which one of us actually has a problem???  Many of the World's Problems today could be easily solved if people would only worry about how they live their own lives, and not oppose and/or dictate the choices made by others whom they will never even meet. Sounds almost too simple, doesn't it.

It's now been 12 years since the day Darrel was taken from us, and I still take this week off for vacation every September.  I don't expect to be overwhelmed by emotion, but if it does bubble to the surface, I have a right to feel the way I feel.  I have a good idea what my triggers are, but a stray comment, or a familiar sight, sound or smell (especially at) this time of year could affect me in unforeseen ways, so I put a little safe distance in there as a buffer zone.  Being Sad is not unhealthy, unwise, unmanly, or uncommon...it is Human.  The day I wake up and don't feel a sense of loss...THAT will be the day I will seek professional assistance.  

I have 3 children...Kira, Lauren and Darrel. I think about each of them all the time. Like most parents, I fondly recall the day they were born, their first words and the many other firsts that would follow. Like most parents (should), I have had dreams and aspirations for each of my children, and have always looked forward to sharing the dreams and goals that they have set for themselves.  Neuroblastoma may have limited the time I was given to share with Darrel, but it certainly will never negate the fact that he is still as much a part of me today as he was the first time I held his small, frail and innocent hand...or the very last time I held his small, frail and innocent hand, twelve years ago today. I will NEVER "Get Over It", and I will NEVER Let Go!

Love and Miss You Little Man 

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Please consider changing your Social Media Profiles to Gold for this month. Anything you can do to help make a difference is greatly appreciated. Together Towards A Cure

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Speaking of Darrel's sisters: Kira has returned to Brock University for her firth year/first year of Teacher's College. She has also been accepted to serve as a Campus Head Resident for the second time.  Good Luck and Congratulations Kira!

Lauren is continuing her apprenticeship at Linamar in Guelph, as well as taking courses at Conestoga College.  She has also recently purchased a house with her boyfriend, and is looking forward to all the adventures that are in her future.  Good Luck and Congratulations Lauren!

It should be added that Darrel's dog Lady celebrated her 14th Birthday a couple of days ago, on September 7th.

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The 2019 International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week was held on June 10 - 16, 2019.  Darrel's Playground was once again proud to assist in this Global Effort as on the Administrators.  Thank You to all who joined us this year.

This Website recently surpassed 48,000 Hits on August 30, 2019.  Thank You All!

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On September 1, 2019, I was at City Hall in Cambridge for the Official Childhood Cancer Awareness Month Flag being raised, as well as the City Sign turning Gold for September.  Thank You to Anita and everyone involved in organizing this event.  It is both unfortunate (that it is needed) and somewhat comforting (that such a resource is available) to have a group like Go Gold Cambridge so close to my area.

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I will be selling Raffle Tickets to help support Go Gold Cambridge and their families all through September...which of course is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!

1st Prize: All Inclusive Trip for 4 (Value $8,000.00)

2nd Prize: Sunwing Travel Voucher (Value $2,000.00)

3rd Prize: Weekend away at Niagara on the Lake

Tickets are: 1 for $10, 3 for $20 or 10 for $50

If you are interested, please let me know. For Out of Area people, it is possible to do an eTransfer, and I can send you a photo of your numbered Tickets. Thank You

More Information at: https://www.facebook.com/GoGoldCambridge/

Email me: darrelsplayground@yahoo.ca

​Another May 26th has arrived, with no Birthday Boy to celebrate it with...but if Darrel was still here, he would certainly be a Birthday Man! Though I'm sure he would have snuck a beer (or more) before today, he would be able to go out to a bar and legally drink with his friends for the first time legally tonight.  I've never been a Drinker myself (except for that one weekend at Sauble Beach...Thanks Michelle), so the stereotypical Father and Son sharing a drink together likely wouldn't have happened anyways, but I probably would have made an exception on this particular day.  Like so many things, I'll never know.

Many people On-Line have been complaining recently about how they feel cheated and disappointed about the Games of Thrones Series Finale last weekend...but at least the characters from Westeros were given some kind of a conclusion to their saga over the eight Season run of the show (whether you were satisfied with it or not).  Darrel was not even given eight years with us...leaving us with Pages..No...Chapters...No...BOOKS left unwritten!  The Series often foreshadowed what was to come further down the road, but when Darrel was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at only the age of 5, there was so much potential that was to remain hidden, and never given a chance to reveal itself to anyone.  There will be no Brienne to complete Jaime's entry in the Kingsguard Chronicle, or no hope that George R.R. Martin will give the story arc a different ending when he finishes writing his final two books.  I've always had high aspirations for Kira, Lauren and Darrel, but with my son's journey coming to such a premature end,  it is almost impossible to guess what the roads he was meant to travel down could, would, and more importantly...SHOULD have been. 

Since my last Blog, both Kira and Lauren, as always, have continued to make me proud, as they blaze a trail on their own into the future.  Kira has now completed her fourth year at Brock University, with Honours, and will be back in St. Catharines in the Fall to attend Teacher's College.  With all the recent cuts to education by the Ontario Government, I hope the situation has reversed itself, or at least been stabilized by the time she graduates in two years time.  Lauren is continuing her Millwright Apprenticeship in Guelph, and has been enrolled in more courses at Conestoga College for the Fall Semester.  Keeping her passion for the Sport alive, Lauren's Baton Evolution from Athlete, to Coach to Judge has happened since my last entry.  Though she no longer needs me to drive her to the Competitions, or be there in the Stands to cheer her on, I still pop in to the odd event to catch up with the extended Superstar Family, and see Judge Lauren in action too. THAT is what Family is about...being there in the Good Times and the Bad, regardless if you are asked to be around, or if your presence is really required at all.

Today will be a day of McNuggets and Memories, and a day of Tears and Smiles.  Remembering the day Darrel was born is forever linked with the day he died...and all the far too short time in between those dates are treasured memories to me, and my family.  So Raise Your Glass to Darrel today.  Though he could legally have a beer now, I'll stick to his old favourite...Apple Juice.

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

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Our Darrel's Playground Website surpassed 47,000 Hits on May 21, 2019.  Thanks to everyone who has stopped by.  Obviously there isn't much new content anymore, but the Visits are appreciated all the same. 


International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week is coming soon: June 10th - June 16th, 2019

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It is often difficult to put into words unceasing and ever lingering pain a parent feels when they lose a child. Like most of you, I have had my share (perhaps more than my fair share) of highs and lows...physically, financially, and emotionally.  People usually try to categorize and compare events they deem to be of the "Life Defining" variety. As time goes on, their ranking of these moments will no doubt change...as there will be new adventures (both good and bad) to add, while others no longer will hold to be as important as they once did. For me, the Top of the List never changes, and probably never will.  After all that I've been personally been through, a significant part of all that I was, and all that I would be will be is forever frozen at 4:10 PM on September 9, 2007.  How can being there at the end of a Life you helped to create, and were duty bound to guide and protect, not alter everything about what makes/made you...you? Knowing that whatever I may face in the future, there is little likelihood anything will ever have such an enormous and lasting effect as having my son die in my arms. On that day, I learned what true pain could be.  

For the past 11 years, I've had to contend with my memories of that day.  There is no escape from what happened, nor do I want there to be one. I have (so far) been able to cope (for the most part) with losing Darrel, but not everyone is able to process such a traumatic outcome as balanced as I apparently have.  I still experience good days and bad days...it's just I am better adapting when possible triggers present themselves before me.  It is certainly not my position, or anyone else's, to pass any kind of judgment on how a parent chooses to address what they are going through.  There is no direct correlation between how a person reacts and the depth of their loss, or the underlining love behind it all.  There is no one right or one wrong solution to move forward, but having a strong Support System in place can often play a significant role in the pace of a person's recovery timetable. We are all individuals, and a proven path taken by one person in no way can necessarily translate into a successful route for someone else.

With the death of my mother last year, I've also had to reflect on another life of someone else close to me.  While the family dealt with all the financial issues of her estate in the first few months of her passing, there remains much of her personal belongings and mementos untouched. Every once in a while, my father and I pick a few drawers or boxes to sift through.  Pictures and letters comprise the majority of what we have reorganized so far, but there have been a few unexpected finds.  One of the biggest surprises was the several certificates for her from the Royal Conservatory of Music!  In all my 47 years, I never once had heard my mother play a piano...yet she was quite (apparently) accomplished at the instrument in her younger years. How is it possible that I never had any inkling that she had once had such a talent?  It made me feel a bit better when my father said he had only heard her play once throughout their many years together.  Truly amazes me that someone who knew me so well, and I thought I knew everything about, had such an interesting aspect to them that I was totally unaware of.


Loss is a strange thing, but it is something we all will have to contend with on one level sooner or later.  It is not a weakness, but a part of life.  Hopefully we can grow and learn from our losses.  It is never easy, but who said life was meant to be easy?


With that, I'd like to thank you all for your continued support of my family and this website.


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The 2018 International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week was held on June 11 -17, 2018.  Darrel's Playground was once again proud to assist in this Global Effort as one of the Administrators.  Thank You to all who participated.

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September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Please consider changing your Social Media Profiles to Gold for this month.  Anything you can do to help make a difference will be greatly appreciated. 

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​Eighteen is often a milestone age for a young adult: High School is behind them;  a possible year off to travel or work; saying goodbye to old friends that are no longer going in the same direction as them anymore; and/or preparing to meet new people that may become friends as they set off into a life filled with new experiences that will help define what life may have in future for them.  I was there to guide, assist and hopefully provide some helpful insights when this time arrived both of Darrel's sisters, but on days like his birthday, I am painfully reminded (though it is impossible for me to ever forget the other 364 days of the year) that this is a moment I have been denied sharing with my son.  For almost 11 years now, Darrel has not been physically here to be a part of our daily lives, but he has never, nor will he ever be absent from my thoughts on any given day.  Some might view that as a curse or unpleasant thing, but I am thankful for it.  Though I can not change anything that happened to Darrel, I most certainly will not deny it either.  To forget any part of that journey would be a disservice to his memory, and that of the countless children that have, are, and will face off against childhood cancers like neuroblastoma.

Since my last entry, I attended a group session with a couple of Mediums that was held in the area.  I have always been somewhat curious about such things, so I figured I would see first hand what it was all about.  The Mediums took turns connecting to any spirits that were in the Hall, then tried to find out who the messages they were receiving were meant for.  Some of the information was rather abstract, and could have really been applied to nearly any of us there, while in a few instances, the detailed and pinpoint accuracy of the connections clearly moved specific audience members to tears.  I was both relieved and disappointed that none of the messages in any way could be interpreted as holding a relevance my situation with either Darrel or my mother, who passed away last Fall.  I haven't ruled out having a private session with a Medium sometime down the road, but the possibility of sharing such a personal experience with a bunch of strangers would be much more unnerving to comprehend.

With Kira now completed her third year at Brock University, it's nice to once again have someone to keep me company here, other than Lady and Bella.  Lady gave us quite a scare a few months ago.  Darrel's dog developed a rather intense internal infection, and for a while, the outlook was about as grim as it could get.  Given her age (she will be 13 in September), there was only so much that could be done with any reasonable chance of success.  It got to the point where even the vet believed Lady was not going to recover, and that appropriate measures might need to be considered.  Surprisingly and fortunately, Lady did in fact pull through, and is back to where she was healthwise as she was when the year began. Both dogs, along with myself, of course, are happy to have Kira back for the Summer.  Lauren still pops in regularly to see us, but it took awhile to adjust not seeing her every day.

As I always post a Blog on May 26th and September 9th, quite often there isn't anything new and relevant to add, but I still find the need to do so anyways.  I have countless stories about Darrel, but almost all have been mentioned, some more than once.  Rereading my older entries helps to keep these memories fresh in my mind, and even the odd time, I am surprised by a detail that I somehow haven't recalled so clearly.  They often say that it's the "Little Things That Matter The Most"...I couldn't agree more.

Thank You again for your continued support and interest.


Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man


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***Reminder*** The International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week will be held June 11-17, 2018.  Darrel's Playground will once again be proud to serve as one of the Canadian Administrators for this event.   Please feel free to visit our Facebook Page at:

https://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek


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On September 25, 2017, my mother, Helen Robb, passed away, after a short but intense battle with Cancer.  What started as uncomfortable stomach issues earlier last Spring would soon set her and my family on a similar emotional roller coaster that we had gone through with Darrel just over ten years previously. While we had nearly two years after diagnosis to come to terms with what was happening to Darrel, we only had mere months when it came to my mother.  There are those who would argue that the cancer moving quickly is always preferable to a more long and drawn out process, but at the end of the day, and especially THAT day, my mother was still taken from her family far too soon.

We have done the best we can to rally around my father these past months, as his loss was greater than probably the rest of ours combined.  My parents would have celebrated their 50th Anniversary later this year, but of course, my father knew and loved her for much longer than that.  She was his wife, his best friend, his beacon, and his EVERYTHING.  Adjusting to every second of every day without her by his side has been no easy task for him to contend with, but we try to help out and support him whenever and however we can. Thanksgiving and Christmas were significant challenges for all of us to get through without her guidance, supervision, and her smile and laugh at the Dinner Table with us.  Moving forward, it will be a delicate matter to decide which Family Traditions should remain untouched, which should be adapted, and which should not be continued any longer without my mother to oversee them.  Ahead of my family this year will be many such occasions where the "First Without Mom" will add a new emotional component to the event that was not there before now.

There are countless memories that I could share about my mother, but they could not possibly convey fully how much she meant to myself and her family and friends.  I'm still attempting to process this loss, and most likely will for some time to come.  I know firsthand that people can deal with their grief in a different way, but I am also discovering that I have many varying layers of grief when I've lost someone so close to me.  This does not feel the same as when we lost Darrel. I'm not saying that it should, and I'm not saying it shouldn't, but I just assumed they would be on a similar level. Could it be the internal dynamics of the relationship make that much more of an impact than just looking at it from it being a single generational standpoint? A Father/Protector losing his Son going against a Son losing his Mother/Protector?  I've been through a lot over these past ten years, and perhaps they have changed me a bit more than I thought.  Whether I find out or not, only time will tell I guess.

The concept of how to differentiate between my parents and Rebecca's parents had confounded all my kids when they were younger, but especially Darrel.  Since his Robb grandparents always drove a car, and his Webers grandparents always had a truck, he assigned labels to them on terms he could more easily understand. The handles of 'Grandpa/Grandma With The Car' and 'Grandpa/Grandma With The Truck' would continue to be used long after Darrel was taken from us.  Darrel had several other nicknames for people close to him, and phrases he liked to use.  While I don't go out of my way to use them, they seem to work themselves into conversations I am having with someone from time to time.  It always brings a little smile to my face when I get a knowing and reassuring response from the other person that remembers that those words originally came from Darrel.

Another substantial change around here recently has been Lauren moving out on her own at the beginning of January.  It is a big step for her, but it is one that I am confident and proud that she has decided to undertake.  While the commute from Fergus to Guelph isn't very long, with the amount of extra hours she puts in, along with the unpredictable road conditions throughout the winter, it does make sense to be closer to where she needs to be most of the time.  It has/will no doubt been quite an adjustment for Lauren, as well as for me too.  With Kira off at university, it will be just me and the dogs now for much of the year.  And so the Adventure Continues...


Thank You for visiting Darrel's Playground

​Rest In Peace Mom