For the last couple of years, I've reduced myself to doing Blogs only twice a year...Darrel's Birthday in May, and of course, every September 9th. Over the past 16 years, making these entries, along with occasionally re-reading Blogs I've made in the past, have sustained me in ways I can not possibly describe. That being said, I am finding it difficult to have anything new and/or relevant to write about at this time. Being "The Gatekeeper", more or less, of Memories of Darrel will always be a role I take great pride and care in fulfilling, and that will never change. Not a day goes by without some thoughts of Darrel entering my mind. The fact that his Urn sits on a dresser in my bedroom literally means he is the first and last thing I see every day, not to mention his scattered presence in my dreams throughout the week. For the most part, I find this strangely comforting. Keeping him in the here and now is almost as important (to me at least) as reflecting on everything about who he was to me, and to all those who knew and loved him.
I think most of us have an event or memory that is impossible for us to forget. These could be times of joy and/or personal achievement, or of sadness, personal loss, or even anger. My memories of Darrel embody all of these emotions, and so much more. Even now, a mere stray thought from back then can cause an unexpected wave of feelings to overcome me. This certainly does not mean that people should "walk on eggshells" around me, or avoid mentioning Darrel for fear of upsetting me. SAY HIS NAME...my son is as much a part of me today as he was during his ever so brief 7 years with us. There are so many happy things to recall about those years, and I try to dwell on them as much as I do on how and where it all concluded. I do not consider myself to be a "Prisoner of the Past", but to try and avoid and/or forget everything that happened...that would be a true crime! If a day ever comes when thinking about Darrel does not stir something inside me...that is the day I will know I need to seek professional help.
Love and Miss You Little Man
September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, so please consider turning your Social Media GOLD to honour all the children who have, are, and will battle one of the many forms of childhood cancer in the future.