It is often difficult to put into words unceasing and ever lingering pain a parent feels when they lose a child. Like most of you, I have had my share (perhaps more than my fair share) of highs and lows...physically, financially, and emotionally.  People usually try to categorize and compare events they deem to be of the "Life Defining" variety. As time goes on, their ranking of these moments will no doubt change...as there will be new adventures (both good and bad) to add, while others no longer will hold to be as important as they once did. For me, the Top of the List never changes, and probably never will.  After all that I've been personally been through, a significant part of all that I was, and all that I would be will be is forever frozen at 4:10 PM on September 9, 2007.  How can being there at the end of a Life you helped to create, and were duty bound to guide and protect, not alter everything about what makes/made you...you? Knowing that whatever I may face in the future, there is little likelihood anything will ever have such an enormous and lasting effect as having my son die in my arms. On that day, I learned what true pain could be.  

For the past 11 years, I've had to contend with my memories of that day.  There is no escape from what happened, nor do I want there to be one. I have (so far) been able to cope (for the most part) with losing Darrel, but not everyone is able to process such a traumatic outcome as balanced as I apparently have.  I still experience good days and bad days...it's just I am better adapting when possible triggers present themselves before me.  It is certainly not my position, or anyone else's, to pass any kind of judgment on how a parent chooses to address what they are going through.  There is no direct correlation between how a person reacts and the depth of their loss, or the underlining love behind it all.  There is no one right or one wrong solution to move forward, but having a strong Support System in place can often play a significant role in the pace of a person's recovery timetable. We are all individuals, and a proven path taken by one person in no way can necessarily translate into a successful route for someone else.

With the death of my mother last year, I've also had to reflect on another life of someone else close to me.  While the family dealt with all the financial issues of her estate in the first few months of her passing, there remains much of her personal belongings and mementos untouched. Every once in a while, my father and I pick a few drawers or boxes to sift through.  Pictures and letters comprise the majority of what we have reorganized so far, but there have been a few unexpected finds.  One of the biggest surprises was the several certificates for her from the Royal Conservatory of Music!  In all my 47 years, I never once had heard my mother play a piano...yet she was quite (apparently) accomplished at the instrument in her younger years. How is it possible that I never had any inkling that she had once had such a talent?  It made me feel a bit better when my father said he had only heard her play once throughout their many years together.  Truly amazes me that someone who knew me so well, and I thought I knew everything about, had such an interesting aspect to them that I was totally unaware of.


Loss is a strange thing, but it is something we all will have to contend with on one level sooner or later.  It is not a weakness, but a part of life.  Hopefully we can grow and learn from our losses.  It is never easy, but who said life was meant to be easy?


With that, I'd like to thank you all for your continued support of my family and this website.


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The 2018 International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week was held on June 11 -17, 2018.  Darrel's Playground was once again proud to assist in this Global Effort as one of the Administrators.  Thank You to all who participated.

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September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Please consider changing your Social Media Profiles to Gold for this month.  Anything you can do to help make a difference will be greatly appreciated. 

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​Eighteen is often a milestone age for a young adult: High School is behind them;  a possible year off to travel or work; saying goodbye to old friends that are no longer going in the same direction as them anymore; and/or preparing to meet new people that may become friends as they set off into a life filled with new experiences that will help define what life may have in future for them.  I was there to guide, assist and hopefully provide some helpful insights when this time arrived both of Darrel's sisters, but on days like his birthday, I am painfully reminded (though it is impossible for me to ever forget the other 364 days of the year) that this is a moment I have been denied sharing with my son.  For almost 11 years now, Darrel has not been physically here to be a part of our daily lives, but he has never, nor will he ever be absent from my thoughts on any given day.  Some might view that as a curse or unpleasant thing, but I am thankful for it.  Though I can not change anything that happened to Darrel, I most certainly will not deny it either.  To forget any part of that journey would be a disservice to his memory, and that of the countless children that have, are, and will face off against childhood cancers like neuroblastoma.

Since my last entry, I attended a group session with a couple of Mediums that was held in the area.  I have always been somewhat curious about such things, so I figured I would see first hand what it was all about.  The Mediums took turns connecting to any spirits that were in the Hall, then tried to find out who the messages they were receiving were meant for.  Some of the information was rather abstract, and could have really been applied to nearly any of us there, while in a few instances, the detailed and pinpoint accuracy of the connections clearly moved specific audience members to tears.  I was both relieved and disappointed that none of the messages in any way could be interpreted as holding a relevance my situation with either Darrel or my mother, who passed away last Fall.  I haven't ruled out having a private session with a Medium sometime down the road, but the possibility of sharing such a personal experience with a bunch of strangers would be much more unnerving to comprehend.

With Kira now completed her third year at Brock University, it's nice to once again have someone to keep me company here, other than Lady and Bella.  Lady gave us quite a scare a few months ago.  Darrel's dog developed a rather intense internal infection, and for a while, the outlook was about as grim as it could get.  Given her age (she will be 13 in September), there was only so much that could be done with any reasonable chance of success.  It got to the point where even the vet believed Lady was not going to recover, and that appropriate measures might need to be considered.  Surprisingly and fortunately, Lady did in fact pull through, and is back to where she was healthwise as she was when the year began. Both dogs, along with myself, of course, are happy to have Kira back for the Summer.  Lauren still pops in regularly to see us, but it took awhile to adjust not seeing her every day.

As I always post a Blog on May 26th and September 9th, quite often there isn't anything new and relevant to add, but I still find the need to do so anyways.  I have countless stories about Darrel, but almost all have been mentioned, some more than once.  Rereading my older entries helps to keep these memories fresh in my mind, and even the odd time, I am surprised by a detail that I somehow haven't recalled so clearly.  They often say that it's the "Little Things That Matter The Most"...I couldn't agree more.

Thank You again for your continued support and interest.


Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man


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***Reminder*** The International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week will be held June 11-17, 2018.  Darrel's Playground will once again be proud to serve as one of the Canadian Administrators for this event.   Please feel free to visit our Facebook Page at:

https://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek


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On September 25, 2017, my mother, Helen Robb, passed away, after a short but intense battle with Cancer.  What started as uncomfortable stomach issues earlier last Spring would soon set her and my family on a similar emotional roller coaster that we had gone through with Darrel just over ten years previously. While we had nearly two years after diagnosis to come to terms with what was happening to Darrel, we only had mere months when it came to my mother.  There are those who would argue that the cancer moving quickly is always preferable to a more long and drawn out process, but at the end of the day, and especially THAT day, my mother was still taken from her family far too soon.

We have done the best we can to rally around my father these past months, as his loss was greater than probably the rest of ours combined.  My parents would have celebrated their 50th Anniversary later this year, but of course, my father knew and loved her for much longer than that.  She was his wife, his best friend, his beacon, and his EVERYTHING.  Adjusting to every second of every day without her by his side has been no easy task for him to contend with, but we try to help out and support him whenever and however we can. Thanksgiving and Christmas were significant challenges for all of us to get through without her guidance, supervision, and her smile and laugh at the Dinner Table with us.  Moving forward, it will be a delicate matter to decide which Family Traditions should remain untouched, which should be adapted, and which should not be continued any longer without my mother to oversee them.  Ahead of my family this year will be many such occasions where the "First Without Mom" will add a new emotional component to the event that was not there before now.

There are countless memories that I could share about my mother, but they could not possibly convey fully how much she meant to myself and her family and friends.  I'm still attempting to process this loss, and most likely will for some time to come.  I know firsthand that people can deal with their grief in a different way, but I am also discovering that I have many varying layers of grief when I've lost someone so close to me.  This does not feel the same as when we lost Darrel. I'm not saying that it should, and I'm not saying it shouldn't, but I just assumed they would be on a similar level. Could it be the internal dynamics of the relationship make that much more of an impact than just looking at it from it being a single generational standpoint? A Father/Protector losing his Son going against a Son losing his Mother/Protector?  I've been through a lot over these past ten years, and perhaps they have changed me a bit more than I thought.  Whether I find out or not, only time will tell I guess.

The concept of how to differentiate between my parents and Rebecca's parents had confounded all my kids when they were younger, but especially Darrel.  Since his Robb grandparents always drove a car, and his Webers grandparents always had a truck, he assigned labels to them on terms he could more easily understand. The handles of 'Grandpa/Grandma With The Car' and 'Grandpa/Grandma With The Truck' would continue to be used long after Darrel was taken from us.  Darrel had several other nicknames for people close to him, and phrases he liked to use.  While I don't go out of my way to use them, they seem to work themselves into conversations I am having with someone from time to time.  It always brings a little smile to my face when I get a knowing and reassuring response from the other person that remembers that those words originally came from Darrel.

Another substantial change around here recently has been Lauren moving out on her own at the beginning of January.  It is a big step for her, but it is one that I am confident and proud that she has decided to undertake.  While the commute from Fergus to Guelph isn't very long, with the amount of extra hours she puts in, along with the unpredictable road conditions throughout the winter, it does make sense to be closer to where she needs to be most of the time.  It has/will no doubt been quite an adjustment for Lauren, as well as for me too.  With Kira off at university, it will be just me and the dogs now for much of the year.  And so the Adventure Continues...


Thank You for visiting Darrel's Playground

​Rest In Peace Mom