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Sept 9/15 - Moving In, Out...and On 

9/9/2015

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After 8 years now, September 9, 2007 remains the date that forever changed my family, but since then we have all moved forward the best we can, some more successfully than others.  Memories of Darrel still have an impact some of the decisions I make today, as well as effect how I interpret information I receive in person or through the media at large.  You can not help but be profoundly altered after suffering a loss of such a magnitude, as the ripples from that loss can not be easily overlooked or ignored. That being said, picking up the pieces can be easier said than done, especially when one of the pieces is impossible to replace. In Life, moving forward is the only option, so that is what we must do.

Since my last blog, the biggest and happiest of these changes is that Kira and Lauren made the decision last month to move in with me at the apartment (the dogs came too, but they didn't have a vote on the matter).  There has been somewhat of learning curve as we all adjust to the new living arrangements, but for the most part, I think the process has gone quite smoothly. The Apartment is now full of love and laughter again (along with the yapping dogs), a scattering of things you would expect to find with teenage girls around, and of course a selection of Lauren's Art too.  Whether it be sounds of MarioKart or Zelda coming from the Wii or the smells of coming from the kitchen, I am overjoyed by this turn of events. After staying alone here the last year, I have taken full advantage of Kira wanting to cook and bake for Lauren and I.  Having the three of us sitting around the same Dinner Table together night after night serves as affirmation of how I have conducted myself in the most recent past, and maintained a positive relationship with Kira and Lauren since April 2014. The ongoing issues I had, and continue to have with their mother have not had any bearing on my love and commitment to my daughters, and that is how it should be.

Kira did not have much time to unpack and get settled here, as she started her first year at Brock University a few days ago.  In my mind, it wasn't that long ago that I was at university, but a quick glance at the calendar says otherwise. St. Catharines really isn't that far away, but the distance is enough I won't see very much of Kira between now and May.  With Lauren entering her final year at high school, it is probably only a matter of time before she seeks out new horizons for herself too.  But for now, I'll enjoy this time together while the opportunity presents itself.

With September being Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, I have been busy spreading the word that more could and should be done in finding a cure, as well as supporting the children that are currently in treatment, and their respective families.  As the federal election grows closer in Canada, and the race for the White House gets underway in the United States, it is discouraging how little, if any, discussion is taking place on the issue of childhood cancer. While the headlines about a single lion being killed in Africa, or the image of a young Syrian boy washed up on the beach can ignite the emotions of the public in both countries to demand a response, many simply turn the channel if anyone brings up children with cancer. Each of these are depressing and disheartening topics, but ALL are worthy of your attention and support.  It does not take much of an effort to make a tangible difference to the lives of someone in your community. It may not be front page news, but please consider doing what you can. Believe me, it will be appreciated by those who benefit from your kindness.

Thank You


Love and Miss You Little Man
Picture
Made by Madissen. Thank You
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May 26/15 - Song Left Unsung

5/26/2015

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Saying "Happy Birthday" to your son in person should not be difficult, should not be a challenge, and definitely should not be impossible, but for the past eight May 26ths, it has been for me.  Today, Darrel would have been a 15 year old young man, who probably wouldn't want his parents (especially his father) making a Big Deal out of his birthday, or telling stories about the silly things that he did when he was younger, but looking back is all I am able to do, with no new memories to create in the future with him.  It is often somewhat burdensome to write these blogs on May 26ths and September 9ths, because I know there isn't really much more to add about Darrel.  I can certainly reminisce about our brief times together (which I will undoubtedly continue to do), but for any of you that have been following these entries over the years, you have likely heard them all before.  They can still bring a smile to my face, or a tear to my eye, but sometimes it gets to the point where I even I think I sound like a broken record (for those that remember what that means). 

There are constant reminders of Darrel for me almost every day, and places, that for good or bad, have some kind of meaning.  Last weekend, I was at Canada's Wonderland, and walking around the Park, there were a few places that stirred flashbacks to the one and only time we were there with Darrel.  Whether it be pushing around him in the wheelchair, carrying him (Air-Lifts) through the line-ups for the rides he wanted to go on, the delighted horror after his first (and unfortunately only) roller coaster, or simply the corner of a Pavilion where we sat to have an ice cream after lunch, I couldn't help but take at least a brief second or two to reflect on those moments.  Some feel it isn't healthy to dwell too much on the past, but when the past is all I have, I will dwell whenever, and for how ever long I wish too.

Usually Darrel's Birthday Blogs talk a bit about my attending the Mitchell Fraser Slo Pitch Tournament (as it was always held at the end of May), but it was decided by the Fraser family that last year was to be the final one.  As time goes on, it can become more trying to sustain and maintain an event such as that, regardless of how successful it is/was. On a much smaller scale, my decision to stop having "Team Darrel" participate in the local Relay for Life, probably came about much the same way.  While part of me wanted us to carry on with the Relay, I could see that several of the others didn't necessarily feel the same desire to attend as much as I did.  I'm sure they would have come out to support me in that endeavour if I asked them too, but with the passing years, new commitments, time restrictions, and new life realities have continued to come and go for us all, and to keep it going didn't seem to be the wisest course to take.  That does not mean ruling out a return at some point down the line, but for now, I'll just participate in activities that only require my attendance.

I would like to take a moment congratulate Darrel's Big Sister Kira on receiving and accepting admission to Brock University in St. Catharines for this coming September.  I am incredibly proud of her, and all her academic accomplishments during her high school years.  I am equally proud of my other daughter Lauren, who will soon be finishing Grade 11, and continues to excel both in her studies, as well as being a junior baton coach, and athlete, who has recently added another Provincial Championship to go along with her many other personal and team awards.  I truly wish Darrel was around to see what beautiful young women his sisters had become.

Thank You again to everyone who continues in the fight against neuroblastoma and childhood cancer, and continues to support my efforts in this battle, and in keeping Darrel's memory alive.  It is, as always, greatly appreciated.

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

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April 7/15 - Baldlier Than Thou

4/7/2015

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On March 16, 2015, I took part in the St. Baldrick's/Childhood Cancer Canada "Baldlier Than Thou" Shave in Kitchener.  This was my third time participating in the last four years, as the Guelph Shave was cancelled last year.  Originally,I had just been approached by Noah from the Kitchener Shave, as Darrel had been selected as the  Local Honoured Child for 2015, but I soon came onboard to once again lose what little hair I had left to help in the fight against childhood cancer.

The event had a completely different feel to it than the others I had previously attended. Both the times I went in Guelph, they were held near the Food Court of the Stone Road Mall, which was less personal, but attracted more foot traffic, while in Kitchener, we were at the Firkin at The Tannery right downtown.  They had a section of the Pub set aside for us, so we were separate, yet others that had not previously registered were also welcome to join in.  Because of this, I got to talk more to the other Shavees, even though I was meeting them all for the first time...nobody really felt like a stranger. Adding also to the Shave, was the fact that the following day was St. Patrick's Day, so there was more of a theme tie-in.  St. Baldrick's are held all through the year across North America, but it was nice to finally be at one so close to March 17th.

Before the Shaving segment began, I was called up to receive the St. Baldrick's Honoured Child Medal on Darrel's behalf. After first taking in 2012, I had set up a page for Darrel on the St. Baldrick's website, and he has been honoured by many people at other events over the past 3 years, but this time he had been chosen as the Local Child to be recognized. Unfortunately, there are far too many other children, even in our area, that have/are battling some form of childhood cancer, so to have him singled out was not necessarily a simple choice to make.  I am thankful that I was able to attend, and appreciate those who made to decision to include in my son as part of the ceremony. 

The Shave itself, didn't take very long, as there really wasn't much up there to begin with.  Even though Darrel has been gone for over 7 years now, being involved in events such as this, along with supporting childhood cancer awareness on the internet, re-enforce how proud I am of him, and of course, how much I miss him every day.  Doing what I can to assist other children and their families that are at some point on a similar journey helps me keep my thoughts of Darrel more alive in the present than doing nothing at all.

What I was not expecting, was to be called up again to be inducted into the League of Legendary Heroes as a "Squire of Hope".  I did not know that St. Baldrick's had it's own titles and hierarchy for years of volunteer service to the organization...but they do.  The Squire designation comes after 3 years participating, followed by Knight of the Bald Table (7 years), Knight Commander (10 years), and Crusader for a Cure (15 years).  I look forward to attaining these other levels of service in the future.

I came back to Fergus with a shiny new bald head, a couple of awards, and a warm heart knowing that I had helped to make a difference in the fight against childhood cancer.  Thanks for your support everyone.





Darrel's Page:  http://www.stbaldricks.org/kids/darrelr


For those still wishing to Donate:  https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/kirladar15

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    The majority of all these entries were written by Darrel's father, Stephen.  For those that are not, efforts have been made to give proper credit where it is due.

    The bulk of the posts are in the June 2011 Archives Section, as that is when I transferred them over to this site.  Category Tags should allow you to find entries easier.

    I've tried to correct spacing issues on many of the entries, as most of the older ones have been copied from different sites I've used in the past. I apologize if some have been overlooked.

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