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My Child - By Sherry Blevins

8/27/2013

2 Comments

 
The below passage was written by my good friend Sherry Blevins, in honour and memory of her son James, and was originally posted on Facebook.

James "J.D." Scroggins
August 31, 1978 - March 26, 2002

*************************

Written by: SHERRY BLEVINS....AUGUST 24, 2013.....YOU MAY SHARE THIS IN THIS FORM ONLY.....PLEASE DO NOT CLAIM AS YOUR WRITING.....THANK YOU.....


THIS MAY ALSO BE USED FOR THOSE GRANDPARENT'S WHO HAVE LOST A GRANDCHILD AS THEY TOO HAVE SUFFERED THE ULTIMATE PAIN....MY DAD WOULD TOLD ME THAT HE FELT AS IF HE HAD ENDURED 2 LOSSES WHEN MY SON DIED BECAUSE A PART OF ME DIED ALSO.....


MY CHILD

When our Child died, a very large part of each of us died with our Child.....We are not contagious.....Our hope for each of you that have never lost a Child is that you never do and you never have to know our pain.....We aren't the same person as we were before our Child died and we will never be that person again..... 

The horror of the scream that comes from a Mother or a Dad whose child has just died is one that will stay with you forever.....You don't know what to do as you lift that Parent from the floor where they have crumpled too.....Or as a Parent holds their Child's lifeless body in their arms begging for that Child to come back to them.....That late night phone call or knock on the door that a Parent receives letting them know that their Child is gone.....May you never know..... 


It is a daily struggle with us just to survive in this world we are thrown into that none of us ever even imagined being in.....Yet some people will tell us that they understand.....They don't unless they have walked in our shoes.....May they never have too..... 


When you ask us how we are doing, we struggle for an answer when in reality you don't want to know how we are for you can't understand......We are emotional and sometimes we just have to be alone...... 


You cannot understand that our pain in some ways keeps us tied emotionally to our Child.....We will never be okay.....Don't expect us to get over it.....It just doesn't happen.....For our Child is....Our Child was.....Our Child will be forever..... 


When you see a photo of our Child.....Please don't say anything if you can't be nice.....Think about it.....Our Child will never have those updated photo's.....This is all we have left of our Child.....Respect us for what we are trying to do in keeping our Child's memory alive..... 

I have heard the term "Grief Brain" and never had any idea what it was until I lost my Son.....it is real and each of us who has lost a Child knows it exists.....I sometimes wonder if we have it because we just aren't able to cope at that time..... 


So I leave you with this thought.....Although with time we seem to get better but that doesn't mean we won't take some steps backwards.....Time NO longer means to us what it did before..... 


In Memory of My Precious James


Sherry Blevins
August 24, 2003

2 Comments

Aug 19/13 - Hate and Ignorance

8/19/2013

2 Comments

 
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I posted this letter on Facebook yesterday and got quite a mixed reaction. Since many of you aren't Facebook Friends and/or live out of the area, I've reposted it here as well.  This Disgusting and Hateful letter was delivered to a family with an autistic child in Newcastle, Ontario.

While there may be another side to the story, the letter writer suggests that the community would be better off ...if the child was euthanized...No Excuse for that. Any parent dealing with autistic and/or special needs children would be strained and drained, and probably doing the very best she could. With all the government cut-backs, there are most likely less resources to help her out.

When we were out with Darrel closer to the end, I heard grumbling from people about the extra time it took THEM to get somewhere because of his wheelchair, or comment on the junk food he was eating (we were just thankful he was eating anything). I guess they thought "Out of Sight, Out of Mind". They had no idea what we were dealing with day in and day out. The physical and mental toll the disease (not to mention the drugs) took on his body and the sanity of our entire family should not have been taken lightly by an Outsider. Darrel did get away with some behaviour the girls wouldn't because of the situation, not because of questionable parenting. We did what we could, how ever we could...when we could. I never considered Darrel to be a "Special Needs" Child, but a child...MY CHILD, who needed help. 

Considerate and Caring people should not and would not turn their backs on a child in need.  This Letter Writer needs to look themselves in the mirror before they judge others.  To suggest this mother keep the child locked up or kill her child so some other lady can enjoy a quiet morning coffee on her front porch is intolerable...regardless of the other circumstances!

Link to Report by CityTV: http://www.citynews.ca/2013/08/18/family-in-shock-after-hate-letter-targets-teen-with-autism/

Link to Article on Yahoo:  http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/dailybrew/ontario-police-aware-hateful-letter-telling-family-euthanize-171036930.html
2 Comments

Aug 5/13 - Behind the Canvas

8/5/2013

0 Comments

 
I've been meaning to publish something on this subject for over a month now, but just never
have got around to it.  Lauren took Art in the second semester last year, and brought home the remainder of her creations and projects at the end of classes in June.  Among them, was the below painting of a young boy.  Both my daughters have very strong artistic and creative streaks in them (though they are expressed in different ways), but I certainly wasn't expecting
something like this.  I was almost floored when I first saw the piece!  Had Lauren managed to put all her emotions aside and paint a portrait of Darrel??
 
While most of the photos I've posted on Darrel's website or other forms of Social Media are of him smiling, or at least when he was having a reasonably good day, there are countless others that still rip my heart up to even look at them.  This painting, with its shadows, dark lines, and piercing sorrowful eyes immediately brought back of memories of Darrel during that final
month, when he began the rapid downward spiral.  I could not believe that Lauren, who was only 8 when her brother passed away, was able to create such a work, especially in a public setting like her classroom at school.  As astonishing as this would have been, even more bewildering is the fact that she didn't paint the portrait...or have any idea who did!
 
It seems that the painting had been unclaimed for quite some time, and was just taking up space in the Art Room.  Lauren's teacher had suggested that she could paint over the existing piece, and reuse the canvas for a creation of her own at some point in the future. And here we are, almost 6 weeks later, and the painting is still sitting at the foot of the stairs (granted, Lauren was gone on a trip out West for much of that time, but the fact that no one has
moved it elsewhere in that time does say something).  My wife is usually right on top of things that are out of place around the house, but not with this particular item.  I'm not sure if anyone other than me notices anything different about this painting, and/or any similarities to Darrel, but it hasn't been mentioned out loud if they do.
 
I'm not suggesting or implying that there is something "more" to this painting other than it being a piece of art that has struck a personal chord with me, but since things like this don't happen very often, I thought I should make note of it.  Now that I've pointed this out, it wouldn't surprise me if the painting finds a new location in the house, or that Lauren finally decides what she wants to use the canvas for.  Since they don't regularly read my blogs, I'll have to wait and see what happens.

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0 Comments

    The majority of all these entries were written by Darrel's father, Stephen.  For those that are not, efforts have been made to give proper credit where it is due.

    The bulk of the posts are in the June 2011 Archives Section, as that is when I transferred them over to this site.  Category Tags should allow you to find entries easier.

    I've tried to correct spacing issues on many of the entries, as most of the older ones have been copied from different sites I've used in the past. I apologize if some have been overlooked.

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