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Oct 20/14 - Getting Settled

10/20/2014

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Getting Settled

As I mentioned in my previous Blog, in September I finally began the process of setting up my new apartment. Other than my clothes and a few personal belongings, most household related items were left at the house when I moved out this past April, so I have indeed been starting out fresh.  Things originally moved at a very slow pace, partly because I really didn't know what I wanted, and partly, and more importantly, there just wasn't the money to get things all at once.  Nearly two months later, I am pleased with the progress made, and have the majority of my new home looking like I live there.  Of course, it doesn't always feel like a home without the girls around, but I do see them regularly through the week most of the time.  Between school, part- time jobs, and their busy social lives, I probably wouldn't have seen much of them even if we were all still living under the same roof, but it would have certainly been more than I am currently.

One piece of furniture from the house that has made its way to the new place (though not directly) is the old Kitchen Table. It had been sitting in storage at parent's home since we bought a new one a while ago. Though it is just a table, it is the only table 'the five of us' sat around....for the brief few years there was 'the five of us'. The meals, stories, laughter, and discussions around its surface made it in many ways the central point for our Family Life together. The cuts, scuffs, and marks from countless misadventures, crafts and drawings that are visible on it (and under it) may seem like a drawback to some, but they are subtle reminders of happier times to me.  It is nice that when the girls do come over for dinner at the apartment now, at least there is the three of us sitting around that very same table once again.

After being here a couple of weeks it dawned on me was that all the cupboards throughout the apartment are painted what Darrel would have called 'Thomas' Blue, after the famous Tank Engine (this was also the colour of his bedroom).  Since everything had been repainted before in moved in, I don't recall if they were blue before or not, but they are now.  Colour shades often have strange names, but I'm sure Darrel would have given it a name he could relate to.  Back at the house, there was/is a large orange square painted on the wall in the basement, which Darrel had labelled as 'Home Depot' Orange. His descriptive choice seemed perfectly clear to him, and any differing opinions were not to be voiced. Oh the Wonders of seeing the world in the more simplistic eyes of a young child.

Making my own dinners every night has also made it necessary to prepare some of the simple meals that I had not had in a long time. A favourite of Darrel's was the Italian Herb Hamburger Helper. He always referred to the dish as "Bow Ties", because the pasta inside the kit was shaped kind of like little bow ties.  Since the grocery store I usually shop no longer carried this particular flavour, I had assumed that it been discontinued by the manufacturer, but I did come across it recently at Wal Mart.  The pasta is no longer in that familiar shape, but the taste is more or less as I remembered it to be.

Change is good, but that doesn't mean we need to forget the way things once were.    This is especially true for me with all the new undertakings that continually are now coming my way. In order to grow and move forward, it is essential to build upon all that has happened in the past. Successes and Failures, Joys and Hardships all play a role in who I am today, and who I will become in the future.  Thank you being a part of the work in progress that is me.

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A BIG Thank You must go out to everyone who helped me in anyway during my two Moves this year (in both April and September).  Whether it be by supplying a vehicle, storage space, furniture, appliances, physical and technical assistance, or gift cards, your support was and is greatly appreciated!!!

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On September 5/14, I participated in the Whipping Childhood Cancer Challenge, raising $150 for Childhood Cancer Canada. Both Kira and Lauren had a great time throwing whipped cream pies in my face...and not getting in trouble for it. Below is the video, along with a few action shots.
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Darrel will be among those honoured in the soon to be published book "Angel's Hold Our Hearts" by our friend Sherry Blevins. Once it is available, I'll post more information.


Picture
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Sept 9/14 - Seven Years Has Gone So Fast

9/9/2014

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2663...on the surface, not a very significant number. It could mean anything, everything, or nothing at all. For my family, 2663 days was the ever so brief time we were able to spend with Darrel. Today marks seven years since neuroblastoma took him away from all those who loved him. As hard as that is to comprehend, December 24, 2014, Christmas Eve, will be 2663 days since Darrel's passing. Next to his birthday, Christmas was his favourite day on the calendar. To think that after this date, Darrel will have been gone for longer than he was here is unsettling to say the least. What seems like yesterday on so many levels in my mind is truly becoming more distant, yet ever present too.

2007 marked the end of our family as we knew it at the time. Both Darrel's life and death equally changed all that we were, and set us on the course for all that we were to become in the future. This evolution continues, and has and will bring many more highs and unfortunate lows along the way. As a family, we emerged both stronger and diminished from that had happened through Darrel's diagnosis, treatments, and those final horrific hours. Those emotions, strains, moments of personal growth, and even enlightenment echo in positive and negative terms through each of us as much now as they did back then. It is impossible to discuss where we all are today without remembering what happened on September 9, 2007.

Over the Summer seven years ago, I took Darrel to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) and the original Transformers movies while they were still playing in the theatres. He thoroughly enjoyed each of them, as I did as well. Most movies we went to back then had the entire family attending, but none of the girls had any interest in seeing either, so these were rare, and as it would turn out, fleeting moments of Father and Son time together. Jump ahead to this year, and both franchises have had new films out. I went to see them both of them, primarily because Darrel could not. The Transformers series is quite worn out now, but at least the Turtles movie is/was a reboot, so it was a bit fresher and entertaining (ironically featuring Megan Fox, formerly of Transformers) to watch.

I don't necessarily believe in coincidences, but when I noticed a young boy, obviously fighting some kind of cancer, at the Turtles screening I went to, it both tugged at, and warmed my heart. From a few rows back, I could just imagine the anticipation and excitement for this boy, in seeing his heroes (in a half shell) on the Big Screen, far away from whatever treatments and hospitals consumed much of his daily life. I had seen a look like that before in Darrel's dancing eyes seven years ago, and the flashbacks were unavoidable. As I watched this boy slowly struggle to leave the theatre afterwards, with his parents ever ready to assist him, I remembered all the "Airlifts" I had given to Darrel from place to place when he was too weak to make under his own power. If I had been out running an errand, Darrel would always give me heck when I returned for not being there in time to have moved him when he had wanted. He was a friendly kid, with a amazing wit and humour, but Darrel could also be quite opinionated and impatient when he felt the need to be. There he would be, with one hand on his hip, and wagging his finger at me with the other. I'm sure that if he had made it to be a teenager, these traits would not be recalled or deemed to be so endearing by me, but that was not meant to be.

2014 is also marking an end, change, and new beginning for me personally, and my family. The time had come earlier this year for Darrel's mother and I to go our separate ways. The issues and circumstances are not important, or for public discussion. To say that the loss of Darrel played no part, or was a deciding factor in reaching this decision would be a disservice to his memory. Like all members of our family, his presence or absence, actions or inactions, and hopes and dreams have brought us to the point we have arrived at together, and where we will part. I am aware that the long term survival rate of marriages after suffering such a loss is not favourable, but I do not want our years together to be simplified, and merely added to these statistics. To quote from Transformers, there is "More Than Meets The Eye".

Like seven years ago, moving forward is what must and will happen. Like seven years ago, adjustments will need to take place, as well as defining what the "new normal" is for myself, and each of my daughters. Though we will all continue to move forward both together and separately, our times and experiences with Darrel will always play a role in everything we are, and everything we will be. For that, at least, I am very thankful.

Love and Miss You Little Man

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" ~ Semisonic
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May 26/14 - Changes...Moving Forward

5/26/2014

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Changes...Moving Forward

The Calendar has now brought us once again to May 26th, and another year without the Birthday Boy here to celebrate with us.  Darrel would and should have been turning 14 today, but neuroblastoma made that impossible to happen. It is difficult to comprehend that in a few months Darrel will have been gone for longer than he actually was with us.  With so many memories of him, the good and bad, along with happy and the incredibly sad, ever present in my mind, it quite often feels like it was only yesterday that we did those things together with him. Some might say that this leaves me stuck in the past, and not moving forward, but many of these people have had the luxury of possessing more current memories of their children to recall...but when it comes to Darrel, I do not. I cherish the brief time we had with him as much as I do being part of the lives of his sisters Kira and Lauren in the present. We all try and make the best of the circumstances we find ourselves in, and these are unfortunately mine.  Moving forward is the only option, but that certainly does not mean forgetting anything about the past either.

Developments in my personal life have made it necessary for many changes for me, and by extension, the activities of Darrel's Playground.  I both regret and am disappointed that I find myself dealing with these issues, but it came to the point where the choices made became unavoidable.  As a result, my participation in both the Mitchell Fraser Memorial Slo Pitch Tournament (held this past weekend on May 24th), and the Fergus Relay for Life (June 6th) have had to been cancelled for this year. These causes are still very important to me, and quite worthy of your support (I have posted Online Links below if you would like to donate to either event).  I had signed up for a St. Baldrick's/Childhood Cancer Canada event in Guelph this coming September, but the information has been recently removed from both of those organizations websites, so I'm under the assumption it will not be taking place. I'll post an update on this once I get confirmation either way.

Mitchell:  http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=1371965

http://m.durhamregion.com/sports-story/4529739-mitchell-fraser-slo-pitch-fundraiser-back-for-13th-year-in-solina/

Relay:  http://convio.cancer.ca/site/TR?fr_id=14830&pg=entry

My current situation has also greatly limited my online time and connections to the Childhood Cancer Community, and many of the activities that I customarily am involved with. With a presence on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, in addition to the main website, I haven't been able to keep up with the proper attention each rightly deserves.  Hopefully the things that need to be addressed will be done so soon, and  at least the disruption to my online activities will be only short term in nature.

On a more positive note, it was announced two weeks ago that Power of Play has been approved to proceed with their plans for a second accessible playground in the Centre Wellington area. This time, Southridge Park in Elora has been selected for similar renovations that Stait Park in Fergus received last summer. While Darrel's Playground remains proud and grateful for our contribution, through the generous support and donations from the community and beyond, and of our inclusion in the first Park, we will not be actively involved this time around.  We wish our friend Andy Speers, and everyone at Power of Play continued success with the new park.

http://www.wellingtonadvertiser.com/comments/index.cfm?articleID=21462

Especially on May 26th and September 9th of each year, I usually spend a portion of  the day reflecting on the life of Darrel that was, and that which never would be. In light of what I am currently dealing with, I find myself reflecting on my own personal past choices, and what the road ahead has in store for me.  Since no one I know has a Crystal Ball or Time Machine, I must carry on the best I can, and realize that I can not alter what is now behind me.  At least I am secure in the realization I have within me the capacity to learn and grow, and make well thought-out, and hopefully better decisions in the future.

In conclusion, I would like to Thank all those of you who continue to be a part of Darrel's Playground, and part of the fight against neuroblastoma and childhood cancer.  Like in Life, necessary changes do not, and will not come easy or swiftly, but through preservation and determination, we can build a better tomorrow for ourselves, our children, and for all those important to us.

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

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International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week 2014 will be held from June 9-15th.  Darrel's Playground is once again proud to serve as a Canadian Administator for this Global Event.  Please join us in Spreading the Word...Kids Get Cancer Too!

http://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek 

https://twitter.com/NBAWARENESSWEEK

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Feb 21/14 - Sheyanne and the Bumble Bee

2/21/2014

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Yesterday I had the unfortunate honour to attend the funeral of Sheyanne O'Donnell, a twelve year old girl who lost her battle with neuroblastoma earlier this week.  Although I never had the privilege to meet her in person, hearing the stories told by those who did, and loved her dearly, made it seem like I had.  The memories shared about her smile, laugh, sense of humour, and eyes that could brighten any room were touching and emotional moving to all in attendance, but for me, there was much more to it.  While this day was about Sheyanne and her family, part of me couldn't help but be brought back to memories of Darrel.  Sheyanne and Darrel both faced each new day for what it was...a new day.  Their far too brief lives had given them life experiences that forced them to have a certain wisdom and maturity beyond their years about the disease they fought against, yet they still longed for the joys of the childhood denied to them by cancer. By looking into their eyes, you could see conflicting reality of their situation, hope and despair, but always the dreams for a better tomorrow.

My thoughts were and are also with Sheyanne's family and friends.  I know all too well the pain, grief, and misplaced guilt they are no doubt coming to terms with.  Nothing you read can ever possibly prepare someone for dealing with the loss of their child.  Each grieving parent comes to terms with this loss in their own way, and in their own time.  There is no correct or better approach or timetable for them to take, and it may be awhile before Kevin and Rebecca figure out which is best for them, both as a couple, and as individuals. This is equally true for her sister, her extended family, and others who loved Sheyanne.  This is a journey that never really ends, as it continues to change and evolve over the days, months, and years that follow.  The loss, pain and "what ifs" will remain with them, never too far from the surface, but it will be countered by the love and memory of their daughter and sister, which will give them the strength to make it through the day, and all the days after that.

 
Rest in Peace Sheyanne

Sheyanne Shari O'Donnell

December 18, 2001 - February 17, 2014

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Below is a poem read at Sheyanne's Funeral:

The Bumble Bee Cannot Fly

According to laws
Of aerodynamics
The bumble bee cannot fly;

It's body is too
Heavy for its wings
And that's the simple
Reason why.

But the bumble bee
Doesn't know this fact,
And so it flies anyway
For all to see.

Remember this when you're
Losing faith or hope
God's proof that the impossible
Can be.

A.S. Waldrop
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Jan 1/14 - 2013: The Year That Was

1/1/2014

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So here we are, January 1, 2014!  I hope everyone had a Safe and Merry Christmas as we look ahead to all the that new year has to offer to us.  Darrel's Playground was quite active in 2013, participating in several events raising awareness about childhood cancer and neuroblastoma. These included:

January 26 - Cuts for Cancer in Guelph, in support of St. Baldrick's and Childhood Cancer Canada

May 26: Mitchell Fraser Memorial Slo Pitch Tournament, in support of the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto

June 10-16:  Canadian Administrator for International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week.

June 14/15: Relay for Life in Fergus, in support of the Canadian Cancer Society

In June, Sharing Hope", a book from our friends at Ontario Parents Advocating for Children with Cancer (OPACC), was published.  To have Darrel and our family included in this was something to certainly take note of at this time.  Another of the personal Highlights for me was our participation in the renovation of Stait Park in Fergus, making it the first fully accessible playground to be opened in the Centre Wellington area.  While there are many places that will always hold a special connection to Darrel with me, I had also wanted to have a physical location in the community where Darrel could be remembered.  The opportunities presented by Park were just what I hoped to achieve: Having a more public spot to honour Darrel's memory; and helping to bring smiles and laughter to other local children.  The Park opened for Play at the end of July, with the official ceremonies taking place on September 15, 2013. 


Thank You once again to everyone who contributed to any and/or all the fundraisers in 2013.

In December, the ongoing growth of this website allowed it to surpass the 16,000 Hits Mark. Recently, in addition to our pages on Facebook and Twitter, we have also launched a Tumblr account as well.  While much of the content is similar on each of these, the different platforms do allow the message of childhood cancer awareness to spread to more people who we may not have reached otherwise.  Your Online support, much like with the fundraising, is greatly appreciated.

The past year was filled with other highs and lows, some of which were resolved, while others will carry over into the days and months ahead.  With the continuing support of family and friends, along with the kindness of strangers, I'm sure these obstacles will be overcome in the near future. 

All the Best to everyone in 2014!!!

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    The majority of all these entries were written by Darrel's father, Stephen.  For those that are not, efforts have been made to give proper credit where it is due.

    The bulk of the posts are in the June 2011 Archives Section, as that is when I transferred them over to this site.  Category Tags should allow you to find entries easier.

    I've tried to correct spacing issues on many of the entries, as most of the older ones have been copied from different sites I've used in the past. I apologize if some have been overlooked.

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