Though it is a couple of days late, this is the customary May 26th Blog that I Post for Darrel's Birthday. As some of you may know, I recently became a first-time Grandpa, with the safe arrival of Lauren and Jacob's daughter Hannah. We were able to fly out to Alberta last week for a couple of days to meet the newest member of my family. This kind of brings Full Circle, as we found out Lauren was pregnant when we flew out there in the Fall.

There are no accurate words to describe holding your grandchild, less than a week old, for the first time. Beautiful, Precious, and Perfect may come close, but there is so much more to it than that. On top of that, it was also something unbelievable and surreal to see my daughter hold her own daughter, as they begin a loving and caring bond that will never break. It brought back memories of when each of my kids were that small and helpless, and how I somehow stumbled through it all, not necessarily knowing what to do, or how to do what needed to be done. Love and patience are all you have to get you through these early days, and Lauren and Jacob certainly have that in abundance for Hannah.

Of course, at Family Milestones such as this, I am also painfully reminded of who is no longer around to share in everything as it is now unfolding. My mother would now be a Great Grandma, and Darrel would be an Uncle! There never will be a chance for either of them to hold this new Bundle of Joy, and never be a Photo taken with all of us together. It is a fact of life that these things occur over time, but that doesn't make it any easier when you stop and think about it. 

​At age 24, which Darrel would be today, would he be getting ready to start a family of his own, living on the other side of town or the other side of the country, wanting to go to a Blue Jays game with me, or even know how to fix my car (I'm not very mechanically inclined. Lauren and Jacob are, but they are out in Alberta now)??? These kind of questions and the "what ifs" never go away, but when a major event like this happens, you can't help to ponder how different it would be if certain loved ones had not been taken from us much sooner than they should have been, but that is Life.

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man


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Just A Reminder that the International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week will be taking place from June 10th to June 19th, 2024

http://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek 

It might seem odd to some of you that I still feel the need to Blog on Darrel's Birthday, even though it has almost been 15 years since his passing, but it will always feel like it was yesterday to me. Grief is a very complex, delicate, yet simplistic emotion for anyone to contend with. There have been countless studies and books dedicated to the subject, but there is no one answer, and no right or wrong way to react to such a loss (though scholars claim to have it all figured out). I've said it many times before, and I'll say it yet again...The Day that remembering my son does not cause some kind of reaction is the Day I know I'll need to seek help and/or counseling. I'm not one to dwell or live in the Past, but I am certainly not one to bury or bottle it up either.

With less than a month to go before my daughter's Wedding, all the preparations Lauren and Jacob have made are falling into place. As expected, the stress levels and anxieties are also starting to rise for everyone involved.  Thankfully, there are almost no COVID related restrictions left in place to add any additional obstacles to the proceedings. Many of the usual hiccups have had to be dealt with along the way, as well as some more specific to our current family dynamics. I'm hopefully optimistic that all concerned can put aside their past/current differences, if only momentarily, so that Lauren's Big Day can go as smoothly as possible. 

The absence of departed Loved Ones are always felt most around Holidays and other Family Gatherings, so I was touched when the Bride told me that there would be a small Memorial Table set-up at the Reception Hall to remember both Darrel and my Mom (who passed away in 2017). It says a lot about how much of a young woman she has become to make sure they are included as well. Both Kira and Lauren had to endure a lot early in their lives, with the loss of their brother, and later, their parent's separation. The fact that they have grown, adapted, and thrived through it all is a great testament to how strong each of them is. Proud Father Moment to be sure!

Speaking of Lauren, when she turned 22 two years ago, she...er...serenaded us with an interesting Karaoke version of Taylor Swift's "22", along with a few other songs. I'll never what kind of music Darrel would have been listening to on his 22nd Birthday today, or if he would have liked performing Karaoke with his friends. I have quite a wide and diverse love of music, but this wasn't always shared by everyone back in the day, so it's impossible to guess which direction he would have gone. Over the years, there are a couple of songs that I have attached my memories of Darrel to, even though on the surface, there really isn't any connection to him at all. When I hear them on the radio or on my iTunes Playlist, they can stir up lots of different emotions, but as I said before, I'm glad they still can have some kind of impact on me. 

Thank You once again for taking a moment to help me remember Darrel on his birthday. Many reading this will have never met him, but may feel as though they did after reading some of my Blogs over the years.

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man 

P.S. For some reason, Darrel often called Lauren "Mummer". No idea how he came up with that...but he did. 


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Just A Reminder that the International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week will be taking place from June 13th to June 19th, 2022

http://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek 

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As COVID-19 continues to evolve, mutate, and alter what societies around the world consider to be the "New Normal" for their populations, I still constantly cast my gaze back to May 26, 2000...the day Darrel was born. While I am not stuck in the past, a large part of my conscious and unconscious mind will remain firmly placed within those brief seven years Darrel was with us. I would certainly never try to diminish anyone's grief over their loss of a loved one, but losing a child is on a completely different scale. A parent's sole purpose is to protect and nurture their child, through all that may come their way, all the joys and pains...and every moment in between. The death of a child, especially at a young age, is utterly devastating, but the grief also comes layered with a sense of guilt and defeat. What could and should I have done differently??? What if this action was taken or not taken....Would the outcome have been changed...Would my son still be with me today???  I know we did everything we could for Darrel, but there will always be the same nagging question...Could we have done more???  These are the thoughts that I live with daily, but I allow myself to openly consider them at least every May 26th and September 9th.  It may not be healthy to always dwell on those times, but I truly feel that to not think about them at all would definitely cause more harm to me in the long run.

On a happier note, I am pleased to announce (for those of you not on Facebook) that Darrel's sister Lauren got engaged back in November 2020! This was/is Great News, and I certainly wish to congratulate Lauren and Jacob, and offer them All My Best for their Future together!!  As with almost everything nowadays, COVID will play a significant role in deciding how and when their  forthcoming wedding will unfold. Regardless of all that is happening around them, it is reassuring to see that people are still living in the moment, and dreaming of their futures the way only young couples in love can do.

Kira has been accepted to the Masters Program at Brock University, and will continue her studies there in the Fall. Thanks to her excellent grades, she has received many Scholarships and Grants along the way, so her hard work on her educational endeavours has provided some financial benefits along the way too. Another Proud Father Moment to be sure! When all that is said and done, she will have actually spent 21 consecutive years in School!! Don't think she really appreciated that fact after I pointed it out, but it's True (Funny how it seems...Optional). 

I could also not escape the passage of time and personal reflection last month, as I celebrated my 50th Birthday! I remember how old I thought my father was when he turned 50 in 1996, but reaching that milestone myself...it isn't that old at all! I should add, that even to this day, my father expects a call to tell him I've made it Home safely if I've been driving a long distance out of town! He is still always looking out for me now, regardless of how old I get, or even how old he gets.

While so much is behind me (The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly), there is so much to look forward to as well. With the Love and Support of my family and friends, I embark ready to embrace whatever Life happens to send my way...but not so many Curve Balls please! A Special Thanks go out to Kim, Kira, and Lauren for the Birthday/Easter Combo Party they held for me that weekend. With all the COVID Restrictions in place, I'm sure it was more of a challenge than it otherwise would have been. 

On what would have /could have/should have been Darrel's 21st Birthday, it is hard to even begin to imagine what his life would look like today...along with how all of our lives would have been dramatically different if he had not been taken from us back in 2007. All that we ever were, and all that we would ever be was set on a different course on the day in 2005 when he was diagnosed with neuroblastoma. But today is his birthday, so I'll focus on happier times, yet be saddened that the opportunity to make new memories with my son were forever stolen from me and our family.

A Parent's Love should not change with the passage of time. Kira, Lauren and Darrel are as much in my heart and in my thoughts as the day each of them were born. Of course, Blogs like this are really only express those emotions as far as Darrel is concerned, but that certainly does not mean they are any greater or lesser than for my daughters. For those that would say different...they don't really know me, or know what being a true parent actually is all about!

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

"In the back of my mind
You live all the time
In the back of my mind
Every night, Every day
That's where you still play
In the back of my mind"

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Just a Reminder that International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week is just around the corner: June 14th - June 20th, 2021

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Darrel's Playground is just about to reach 55,000 Hits. Thank You for your continued Support.

Today should be the day I officially no longer have a teenager to call my own, but in reality, because of neuroblastoma, that happened when Lauren turned 20 back in November 2018.  With the COVID-19 Pandemic we are currently going through, there would not have been much of a party allowed to happen now, but I'm sure Darrel would found a way to celebrate his 20th Birthday with his friends (probably not Gavin..The Boy with the Dinosaur shirt), possible girlfriend, and hypothetically my future daughter-in-law...but none of this was meant to be. But I do clearly remember the day he was born: the warm May afternoon at Groves Memorial Hospital; the fact that I got quite dizzy standing beside his mother (which was odd because I was perfectly fine with Kira and Lauren {though Grandma Webers passed out in the Delivery Room with Kira}...so I'll blame the heat in the Room...it's my Blog, so I can say that if I want to); the surprise and joy from Grandma and Grandpa Robb when we arrived with him back at the House (they were looking after Kira and Lauren) so soon after he was born (we weren't kept at the hospital afterwards long enough to even call them to let them know about his arrival...Cell phones still weren't that common of a thing back in 2000); and the wonder and awe as his sisters got to hold him for the very first time.  Of course, these memories have been tainted by those of September 9, 2007, when the Amazing Journey that started 20 years ago today came to an abrupt and unforgettable conclusion. In between those two dates, there were many times of joy and sadness, laughter and tears, and a wide range of every other emotion a person could possibly feel. Each moment will be with me forever, because those brief 7 years were all I was given with him, therefore every little story packs so much more meaning than it probably would otherwise.

Since my last Blog, Kira has completed her first year at Teachers College, though it was prematurely shortened due to the Coronavirus Outbreak. Much like with everyone else, this has caused confusion and uncertainty over how things will unfold for her in the future.  It is impossible for her to find the answers to the questions she has, because nobody knows what might happen tomorrow, next week, or next month.  We, as a Society, are all in Limbo, but for young people who were just beginning to embark on the next phase of their lives, this lack of any clear direction and focus can be even more unsettling.

Speaking of diving into the unknown, before the World was sent into all this turmoil, Lauren and Jacob bought a house in Guelph last Fall! This was a major step for both of them, and I would like to once again congratulate them on how they have handled things thus far. Fortunately they both have jobs where they were able to keep working through all that has happened over the past two months...the expenses and bills after such an undertaking have most likely been quite staggering.  Never been one to keep things the same for long, Lauren also adopted a dog shortly after moving into their new Home, welcoming Bailey to our extended family.

Being deemed an "Essential Worker" has also been quite the experience for me since March. Nobody would have predicted how important being employed at a grocery store would become through this Pandemic.  Other than in the Medical Field, very few businesses were allowed to remain open, so it was quite stressing emotionally and mentally through those early days and weeks. Society had to learn how to adapt and react as the situation evolved on an almost daily basis. Some people were able to make and deal with changes better than others, and we had to contend with both nearly every Shift at Work.  There are many stories I could tell, but this is hardly the Forum in which to do so. With Ontario doing a partial Re-Open last week, the lessons learned by the Food Retail Sector will now be applied in other sectors of the Economy. The Virus can only be controlled so much through social distancing and closures, so the road ahead will probably still have many more bumps for us all.

In conclusion, I'd like to once again say "Thank You" to all the people who have helped me along the way, and continue to support Darrel's Playground on the Website, on Facebook, and on Twitter (though I don't use it that much anymore).  It is greatly appreciated!


Happy Birthday Darrel!!!

Love and Miss You Little Man!!!


I'll keep with Tradition, and  I am still planning to have some Chicken McNuggets today, though I will need to go through the Drive-Thru. Due to COVID-19, customers are still not allowed inside McDonald's in Canada as of yet. Hoping this may change sooner rather than later.


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In Other News:

- The Darrel's Playground Website surpassed the 50,000 Hits mark on March 11th, which also happens to be Kira's Birthday. Thank You!

- Kira recently picked up The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild for her new Nintendo Switch. Darrel's love with the Zelda Series started from playing it during his many long stays in the Hospital, so I'm always somewhat pleased when another of Link's adventures finds it's way into the family setting.

- The International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week is just around the corner once more, running from June 15th to June 21st, 2020.  Please consider visiting and joining our Facebook Page:  http://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek 


- COVID-19 has had an impact on everyone, especially those with loved ones with pre-existing medical conditions and/or in the high-risk demographics. Maintaining an acceptable Social Distance is a challenge enough for the rest of us, but for those in more delicate situations, it is truly a Life or Death necessity.  I still communicate with people in the Childhood Cancer Community, so I know firsthand what new and unfortunate dynamics this has meant to them, and how they battle their child's cancer treatments. Big Hugs of Support to each and every one of you!


WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER...STAY SAFE AND THINK SMART!!!

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​Another May 26th has arrived, with no Birthday Boy to celebrate it with...but if Darrel was still here, he would certainly be a Birthday Man! Though I'm sure he would have snuck a beer (or more) before today, he would be able to go out to a bar and legally drink with his friends for the first time legally tonight.  I've never been a Drinker myself (except for that one weekend at Sauble Beach...Thanks Michelle), so the stereotypical Father and Son sharing a drink together likely wouldn't have happened anyways, but I probably would have made an exception on this particular day.  Like so many things, I'll never know.

Many people On-Line have been complaining recently about how they feel cheated and disappointed about the Games of Thrones Series Finale last weekend...but at least the characters from Westeros were given some kind of a conclusion to their saga over the eight Season run of the show (whether you were satisfied with it or not).  Darrel was not even given eight years with us...leaving us with Pages..No...Chapters...No...BOOKS left unwritten!  The Series often foreshadowed what was to come further down the road, but when Darrel was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at only the age of 5, there was so much potential that was to remain hidden, and never given a chance to reveal itself to anyone.  There will be no Brienne to complete Jaime's entry in the Kingsguard Chronicle, or no hope that George R.R. Martin will give the story arc a different ending when he finishes writing his final two books.  I've always had high aspirations for Kira, Lauren and Darrel, but with my son's journey coming to such a premature end,  it is almost impossible to guess what the roads he was meant to travel down could, would, and more importantly...SHOULD have been. 

Since my last Blog, both Kira and Lauren, as always, have continued to make me proud, as they blaze a trail on their own into the future.  Kira has now completed her fourth year at Brock University, with Honours, and will be back in St. Catharines in the Fall to attend Teacher's College.  With all the recent cuts to education by the Ontario Government, I hope the situation has reversed itself, or at least been stabilized by the time she graduates in two years time.  Lauren is continuing her Millwright Apprenticeship in Guelph, and has been enrolled in more courses at Conestoga College for the Fall Semester.  Keeping her passion for the Sport alive, Lauren's Baton Evolution from Athlete, to Coach to Judge has happened since my last entry.  Though she no longer needs me to drive her to the Competitions, or be there in the Stands to cheer her on, I still pop in to the odd event to catch up with the extended Superstar Family, and see Judge Lauren in action too. THAT is what Family is about...being there in the Good Times and the Bad, regardless if you are asked to be around, or if your presence is really required at all.

Today will be a day of McNuggets and Memories, and a day of Tears and Smiles.  Remembering the day Darrel was born is forever linked with the day he died...and all the far too short time in between those dates are treasured memories to me, and my family.  So Raise Your Glass to Darrel today.  Though he could legally have a beer now, I'll stick to his old favourite...Apple Juice.

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

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Our Darrel's Playground Website surpassed 47,000 Hits on May 21, 2019.  Thanks to everyone who has stopped by.  Obviously there isn't much new content anymore, but the Visits are appreciated all the same. 


International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week is coming soon: June 10th - June 16th, 2019

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​Eighteen is often a milestone age for a young adult: High School is behind them;  a possible year off to travel or work; saying goodbye to old friends that are no longer going in the same direction as them anymore; and/or preparing to meet new people that may become friends as they set off into a life filled with new experiences that will help define what life may have in future for them.  I was there to guide, assist and hopefully provide some helpful insights when this time arrived both of Darrel's sisters, but on days like his birthday, I am painfully reminded (though it is impossible for me to ever forget the other 364 days of the year) that this is a moment I have been denied sharing with my son.  For almost 11 years now, Darrel has not been physically here to be a part of our daily lives, but he has never, nor will he ever be absent from my thoughts on any given day.  Some might view that as a curse or unpleasant thing, but I am thankful for it.  Though I can not change anything that happened to Darrel, I most certainly will not deny it either.  To forget any part of that journey would be a disservice to his memory, and that of the countless children that have, are, and will face off against childhood cancers like neuroblastoma.

Since my last entry, I attended a group session with a couple of Mediums that was held in the area.  I have always been somewhat curious about such things, so I figured I would see first hand what it was all about.  The Mediums took turns connecting to any spirits that were in the Hall, then tried to find out who the messages they were receiving were meant for.  Some of the information was rather abstract, and could have really been applied to nearly any of us there, while in a few instances, the detailed and pinpoint accuracy of the connections clearly moved specific audience members to tears.  I was both relieved and disappointed that none of the messages in any way could be interpreted as holding a relevance my situation with either Darrel or my mother, who passed away last Fall.  I haven't ruled out having a private session with a Medium sometime down the road, but the possibility of sharing such a personal experience with a bunch of strangers would be much more unnerving to comprehend.

With Kira now completed her third year at Brock University, it's nice to once again have someone to keep me company here, other than Lady and Bella.  Lady gave us quite a scare a few months ago.  Darrel's dog developed a rather intense internal infection, and for a while, the outlook was about as grim as it could get.  Given her age (she will be 13 in September), there was only so much that could be done with any reasonable chance of success.  It got to the point where even the vet believed Lady was not going to recover, and that appropriate measures might need to be considered.  Surprisingly and fortunately, Lady did in fact pull through, and is back to where she was healthwise as she was when the year began. Both dogs, along with myself, of course, are happy to have Kira back for the Summer.  Lauren still pops in regularly to see us, but it took awhile to adjust not seeing her every day.

As I always post a Blog on May 26th and September 9th, quite often there isn't anything new and relevant to add, but I still find the need to do so anyways.  I have countless stories about Darrel, but almost all have been mentioned, some more than once.  Rereading my older entries helps to keep these memories fresh in my mind, and even the odd time, I am surprised by a detail that I somehow haven't recalled so clearly.  They often say that it's the "Little Things That Matter The Most"...I couldn't agree more.

Thank You again for your continued support and interest.


Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man


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***Reminder*** The International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week will be held June 11-17, 2018.  Darrel's Playground will once again be proud to serve as one of the Canadian Administrators for this event.   Please feel free to visit our Facebook Page at:

https://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek


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Today, Darrel would and should be celebrating his 17th Birthday.  For 10 years now, May 26th has come and gone without the kind of celebrations that should mark your child's birthday...No Cake...No Candles...No Gifts...No Song...and No Darrel.  I will be making my semi-annual pilgrimage to McDonald's for Chicken McNuggets and Apple Juice later today, but other than personal reflection and recollection, there is little more left for me to do.  Writing this Blog is a way to keep myself grounded in the here and now, as well as in the past at the same time.  On September 9th, it will be a full decade without my son by my side.  So very much has changed in that time, and I often wonder how things might have turned out differently if I had never heard the word neuroblastoma.  The arrival of each of my children had profound effects on everything I would ever do from that point on, but in light of all that would follow far too soon afterwards, Darrel would and does still have the greatest impact.  Every one of us has lost a family member or other loved one, but losing a child IS different, and watching your child take his last breath right before your very eyes is most devastating of all.  Knowing all that you did just wasn't enough, and all that you can ever do will not change what has happened stays with you in ways impossible to describe. But for today, I can and will remember that smile, that laugh, and that love that was and always will be Darrel.

Since I haven't blogged in awhile, there are a few things to mention...

- Back in November, I had a surreal experience one night. When I was walking by the Girls' room, Lauren was sitting on the floor cleaning up things (that almost never happens, but that's not what I'm talking about). When she glanced up at me, for a second I thought, and it most certainly felt like it was Darrel looking back at me! I think I must have lost some of the colour in my face, as Lauren asked me if I was feeling sick. Being brother and sister, there were always some similarities, but for a brief time that day, there seemed to be so much more of a connection. After not seeing his face in front of me in over 9 years, it was both a happy and sad moment. Regardless, I'm glad it happened.

- Each Winter, the Township usually floods a Park or two, and makes them ready for Public Skating.  I can't recall them ever doing Stait Park before, but that did indeed happen a few months ago.  Stait Park had always been under-used and under-appreciated before the renovations took place, and knowing that our fund raising in Darrel's name helped to make that transformation possible is somewhat heartwarming.  The Park is now active year around, and continues to thrive.  People passing by might not know who the Darrel Robb on the sign was, but I do!

- In March, Darrel's big sister Kira turned 20!  It continues to be a shame that Darrel will never be with us again to share in these family milestones.

- Although the legal process is still ongoing with Darrel's mother, there was a significant step forward, with a resolution concerning Darrel's cremated remains.  With the Status Quo, the remains staying solely in the House, being unacceptable to me, I had sought to have the matter legally dealt with.  I am more than pleased to say, Darrel is once again under the same roof as his sisters and me.  A Sort of Homecoming happened on April 20th, which I am grateful for.  The way this matter was dealt with, and the fact that it had to be legally dealt with at all, is most unfortunate, but the end result is one that allows me to move on.  

- Childhood Cancer Canada has revived their Childhood Cancer Hero Program, and Darrel's name will be included once again on the latest shirts.  I have not received mine as of yet, but it should be arriving shortly.

https://teesforthepeople.com/products/i-love


- I usually at this time repost the "Missing Darrel" video I made years ago, but can not today.  Warner Music has had YouTube block the video, due to the use of Fleetwood Mac's "Songbird".  This has happened 5 times now, and then it is periodically unblocked.  Perhaps I'll be able to Share it again in the future.

- The Darrel's Playground website passed 38,000 Hits threshold yesterday.  Thank You!

- Thoughts and Prayers for a Dear Friend who is now on their own journey fighting against Cancer.  Big Hugs!


In conclusion, I'd like to once again say thank you to everyone who helps to keep Darrel's memory alive by visiting this page, or following us on Facebook or Twitter.  It means a great deal to me that he still resonates in some way with friends, family, and strangers alike after all these years.  While Darrel was certainly most unique, far too many children share a similar journey as my son did.  Please consider doing what you can, when you can, and make a difference in the lives of the countless children that have, and will follow down a road that no one ever asks to be on.  Anything you do will be appreciated in ways you will never know.


Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

                                               Made by Christine Pagliassotti

Today we should be celebrating the fine young man Darrel had become at the age of 16, and talk with great optimism about what may transpire in the many years ahead of him.  Instead, I can only remember our far too short time together, a journey of a life that could have been, and the "what ifs" that never have, and never will go completely away.  Some days it can be quite challenging to live in the present when someone so very important to you exists now only in the past.  To let these emotions continually overpower you can leave you unwilling and/or unable to help yourself or those around you, but to attempt to compartmentalize them is both a disservice to the memory of your lost loved one, and to the person that you have become after suffering such a loss.  Physical scars are easy enough for the World to see, but it the emotional ones that lie not so deeply below the surface that are usually the more formidable to endure. 

I have previously mentioned that it is bittersweet when these emotional scars bubble over, especially when I am not in a private setting.  This happened again over this past Easter (like with most people, holiday times can be a wee more touchy for me) while I was at Work.  A co-worker showed me a picture of his father and himself doing a silly Father and Son kind of thing.  He then asked if I wished I had a son to do something like that with...I was simultaneously so angry (not necessarily at him, but at cards Life had dealt me) and overcome with sadness at the same time.  He knew immediately that he has chosen his words poorly, and proceeded to avoid eye contact with me for the remainder of that shift, just to be on the safe side (which was probably a good idea).  Darrel was taken from us almost 9 years ago now, but a stray word, thought, or image still has such an incredible power over me.  Though it pains me at the time, moments like this are strangely comforting to me, as they show that even though I've suffered a great loss, I have not lost everything, or myself.

There have been several new developments and changes since I last posted.  The legal process to reach a Separation Agreement with Rebecca is ongoing at its almost snail-like pace.  It is most unfortunate that there continues to be delays and roadblocks, as the matters remaining seem rather straight forward to resolve, at least from my perspective.  Neither of us have any desire to turn back the clock and attempt to reset our relationship, and other events have now made that quite impossible to happen even if the will was there. Hopefully these issues can come to a conclusion in the near future, so both Rebecca and I, along with Kira and Lauren, no longer will have the uncertainties that such a situation creates hanging over us any longer. 

Kira has successfully finished her first year at Brock University, and has been back in Fergus for about a month now.  It is wonderful to have the three of us (five if you include the two dogs) together under the same roof again, even if it is only until mid August.  Lauren only has a few weeks until she graduates from high school, and is already anticipating starting in the Fall at the apprenticeship she received at a company in Guelph.  I'm sure Darrel would be as proud as I am of all his sisters' accomplishments.

I now find it more difficult to come to terms with everything when Darrel's birthday comes around than on the anniversary of his passing in September.  May 26th meant something to everyone in my family when Darrel was with us.  There are happy things to recall about each of the seven birthdays he was here with us....the excitement before, during and after opening his presents...eagerly awaiting the end of the Birthday Song so he could finally blow out the candles...the mess made while eating the cake...and of course, the privately (well, sort of) counting of all the "Cash Money" he had received too.  While both May 26th and September 9th are dates that stand out (not that I'll ever need any kind of reminder) on the calendar, his birthday, with no song to be sung, stomps on my heart a bit more.  The fact that my son isn't with me is more front and centre on a day that I know should be unfolding quite differently. September 9th rips me apart too, but until 2007, it held no significance or value to me personally.  I can not forsee any possible new good times to be associated with May 26th ever again.

I am not the same person I was 16 years ago, when Darrel was born...or 11 years ago when I heard the word neuroblastoma for the first time...or 9 years ago when I held my son for the last time...or 2 years ago when my marriage collapsed.  Everything that has happened, and will happen will help to define who I am, but does not dictate who I MUST be.  To deny any part of my past is something I will never do.  To break off all communication, or to lock the doors on anyone who has been close to me for reasons I'll never understand is something I will never do.  My life is a combination of all the decisions I have ever made.  Of course there are regrets, but that does not mean I can not learn and evolve from them to make a better me.  That is what I strive for, and I believe it is what Darrel would hope and expect his family to strive for as well.


Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man


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Darrel's Playground surpassed 33,000 Hits on May 22, 2016.  Thank You