A Bereaved Parent’s Wish List
I wish my child hadn’t died. I wish I had my child back.
I wish you wouldn’t be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child
lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that my
child was important to you also.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you
knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me.
My child’s death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child
and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t
shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want
you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you
would let me talk about my child; my favourite topic of the day.
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my
child’s death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things
through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over. The months/years
are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief
will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could
understandthat I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child and
I will always grieve that my child is gone.
I wish you wouldn’t expect me “not to think about it” or “be happy”.
Neither will happen for a very long time, so don’t frustrate yourself.
I don’t want to have a “pity party”, but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt
before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is
miserable for you to be around me when I’m feeling miserable. Please
be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say, “I’m doing okay”, I wish you could understand that I don’t “feel” okay
and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I’m having are very
normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness
are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I’m quiet and withdrawn
or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to “take it one day at a time” is excellent advice.
However, a day is too much and too fast for me right
now. I wish you could understand that I’m doing good to handle
an hour at a time.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, it’s certainly not my intent.
Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off.
When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend
time alone.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died,
a big part of me died too. I am not the same person I was before
my child died and I will never be that person ever again.
I wish my child hadn’t died. I wish I had my child back.
From: Grieving Mothers
I wish my child hadn’t died. I wish I had my child back.
I wish you wouldn’t be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child
lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that my
child was important to you also.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you
knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me.
My child’s death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child
and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t
shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want
you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you
would let me talk about my child; my favourite topic of the day.
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my
child’s death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things
through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over. The months/years
are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief
will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could
understandthat I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child and
I will always grieve that my child is gone.
I wish you wouldn’t expect me “not to think about it” or “be happy”.
Neither will happen for a very long time, so don’t frustrate yourself.
I don’t want to have a “pity party”, but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt
before I can heal.
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is
miserable for you to be around me when I’m feeling miserable. Please
be as patient with me as I am with you.
When I say, “I’m doing okay”, I wish you could understand that I don’t “feel” okay
and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I’m having are very
normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness
are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I’m quiet and withdrawn
or irritable and cranky.
Your advice to “take it one day at a time” is excellent advice.
However, a day is too much and too fast for me right
now. I wish you could understand that I’m doing good to handle
an hour at a time.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, it’s certainly not my intent.
Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off.
When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend
time alone.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died,
a big part of me died too. I am not the same person I was before
my child died and I will never be that person ever again.
I wish my child hadn’t died. I wish I had my child back.
From: Grieving Mothers
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