It's been quite a while since I posted a blog, so I figured it was about time to do so. Our
life without Darrel continues, but how our life would have been with him still with us is
never too far from my thoughts. Each family occasion would have been different for the
better if he would have been sitting ever-so not quietly at the table, but knowing an
extra chair should be there can almost never be overlooked. It is the pain-staking reality
of it all that my family must contend with, each in our way, each in our own time.
How Kira and Lauren come to terms with the loss of their brother is of great concern to me,
but for the most part, the girls seem to be coping better than expected. After Darrel's death, his favourite doctor told us that it most likely would affect them especially hard again when they reached their early 20s. By this time, they would process all that had happened with
an adult's maturity and understanding, and perhaps look at it from a mother's point of
view (which would make me a Grandfather....and I don't even want to consider that for a
Though she didn't come right out and say it, Lauren obviously was recalling her brother's
illness over these past winter months. She has really sprouted up lately, and with it,
experienced alot of 'growing pains'. Various aches and joint pains on some level may have
triggered flashbacks to before and after Darrel was first diagnosed with neuroblastoma.
Discomfort in one spot one day, gone the next may seem normal enough to most of
you, but could be interpreted completely differently when you have witnessed first hand
what devastation that may follow. Added to all this, Lauren and the flu were together quite
a bit over the past few months, which could only add to any lingering fear she might have
had. As a parent, you are always loooking out for your child's health and emotional
happiness, but it is not easy to know how to reassure them that everything will be alright,
when they have proof (and learnt it from a much too tender age) that there are some things Mommy and Daddy can not fix.
On a lighter note, the return of Daylight Savings Time in early March brought Darrel's
wristwatch back into sync with our current real time. His alarm again sounds at 8AM
(which is less intrusive that at 7AM, but serves as a dailyphysical reminder of
Darrel regardless) to inform us that Pokemon is about to start on YTV (and
surprisingly enough a newer version of Pokemon still airs at that time). The watch
battery still is going strong for now, which doesn't bother me at all.
After Earth Hour last weekend, we had alot of candles to be blown out, and the humming
of Happy Birthday was done in Darrel's honour before each one. Rebecca could never keep
a candle lit for long when he was around. Once the humming of the song was done, soon
a puff of smoke would be all that was left of the candle's flame (regardless of any
warnings of not to blow them out). It was just one of those things he enjoyed doing, and
I'm kind of pleased the girls have decided to carry it on as a family tradition.
With what should have been Darrel's 9th birthday coming closer again, it's hard to
believe nearly two years have gone by since we last got to observe the day with him.
May 26th can no longer a happy day to celebrate, but a day to remember a life that
barely had a chance to begin, and dream what could and should have been for Darrel.