Seize The Day
Category: Life
Although I had had serious reservations about it, we did make it on our
camping trip last week with Darrel. Overall, he was able to remain comfortable
the majority of the time. Like at home, he spent most of the day "resting his
eyes" (as he never admits to actually getting any sleep), in both the trailer
and the tent. Out of the four days we were there, we managed to get him to the
beach for only two hours of that time. Darrel seemed to enjoy his brief time
in the water. He had on a full body wet suit, and a water spring-float to
make things easier for him. Last year, alot more caution was taken to insure
his central-line was kept dry, but Darrel having the best time he could was
more important this time. He also enjoyed building a sand crab with his Uncle
Don on the beach. It would have been nice if he had decided to join us one of
those nights by the camp fire (as his questions and stories have always been
something extra special), but the little he did each day put quite a drain on
him. In the end, he did whatever he wanted, whenever he felt he could handle
it. It certainly wasn't the best camping trip we had taken as a family, but it
will be a memorable one for sure.
Darrel's condition is still moving slowly in a spiral downwards. While his
requests for increased morphine injections haven't reached the amounts of two
weeks ago, his base dosages seem to be still taking their toll on him. Along
with making him constantly sleepy, the morphine continues to make him more and
more itchy. Much of his little body is covered with claw marks from where he
scratched himself too much and/or too hard. While understandable, this does
not make the situation any easier to deal with (not that anything really
would). With his skin and blood being to thin, and the depletion or
nonexistence of most liver functions, there isn't very much to get this under
control. He often wakes up with dried blood on his face, and all over his
pillow, as blood slowly seeps out of his lips and ears over the night time. It
is becoming more dificult to get these areas to stop bleeding, even though
Darrel hasn't scratched them in some time, there are other spots also in need
of attention, as they have cracked open due to driness of the skin, or some
other reason. This is all compounded with a very persistent eye infection that
just doesn't want to go away.
We also were quite concerned, as Darrel had not had his bowels move in over
a week. This is yet another side effect of the morphine and the other
medications he is currently on. Rebecca had given him several different kinds
of laxatives and stool softeners with no effect. This added to his pain and
discomfort, as Darrel was quite literally Full of Shit! It was feared that if
it didn't start to come out the natural manner, it would be working its way up
his body to come out the other. Fortunately, on Saturday night, he was able to
relieve some of that built up pressure on his system on a successful trip to
the washroom.
It is also hoped that this will make more room for food to stay in Darrel's
stomach. He has been unable to keep anything of substance down for very long.
Whether this has been a result of a back-up of his intestines, growth and/or
placement of the tumor, or something else, it is uncertain at this time.
Either way, any small step forward at this time, seems to be met with a couple
of large steps in the opposite direction shortly there after.
As always, when he is wake enough, and the pain is properly being managed,
Darrel will be sitting there watching TV, or playing something on the GameCube,
or even playing with the dog. It is always great to watch, but then the
reality sets in that though his mind and spirit will never come close to being
conquered, his frail body is betraying him more and more every day. I've done
my best to not let the thoughts of what the short term future have in store for
my family get to me, but that is a battle I'm losing too. Whether it be
quietly making funeral arrangements while he is sleeping in the next room, or
the unpleasant realization that when Darrel does even the smallest thing, it
could very well be the last time he does it...and very soon it will be the last
time.
Thanks again to most of you who continue to read and comment on
these blogs. I know they are not light or cheery to deal with, but in a
strange way, it often does help me to put some of these thoughts and feelings
down. There are those of you who have said my words seem to distant and calm
for what this situation warrants. Perhaps my years of composing long winded
essays in "dry" subjects such as history and political science have tempered
the way I put things down to a certain extent, BUT it is not the place of
anyone I know personally, or through any other way to judge and/or evaluate how
I wish to express myself in these blogs! Please keep such opinions to yourself
in the future, or stop reading these posts. I have more than enough to deal
with than pandering to someone's self obessed rants about their take on MY
life. This bout DARREL... not you.
Until next time....thanks. Take care for now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aug 15/07
Yesterday, after this was originally posted, Darrel went down to see the
doctor, and have his blood counts checked again. They were both disturbed and
shocked by the results. Not only were the counts deathly low, they couldn't
believe that he was still conscious and coherent enough to be sitting there
watching TV and humming along to High School Musical (we won't discuss his
mental state for enjoying that show). They also confirmed that he does have an
internal bleed somewhere in his intestines (could be kidney, liver and/or
bowels). Other results showed that his liver and kidney functions are
getting much weaker as well. Once again, we were strongly advised to get any
preparations for Darrel organized without much delay.
On a somewhat more upbeat situation, the extra medications Darrel is now
taking have made him more comfortable again. A Vitamin K shot has helped to
thicken and clot his blood, and has almost stopped the bleeding of his lips and
ears. Another drugs seem to have quieted down his stomach, allowing him to eat
something, and actually keep it down again. The blood transfusion have also
made Darrel a bit more perky, but he is still unable to do anything physical,
as the other medications continue to keep him quite drowsy and too dizzy to
much of anything. I still provide continual transportation services when ever
he needs to move around the house. He does enjoy yelling out "Airlift", and
have me come running from anywhere and everywhere.
He goes again to the hospital on Thursday, but any improvments they see,
won't be very long term. With his internal organs shutting down, and an
internal bleed, it is likely these will be his undoing before the cancer can do
its worst to him. This is somewhat of a blessing, yet a devasting reality the
looms closer each hour and each day.
Category: Life
Although I had had serious reservations about it, we did make it on our
camping trip last week with Darrel. Overall, he was able to remain comfortable
the majority of the time. Like at home, he spent most of the day "resting his
eyes" (as he never admits to actually getting any sleep), in both the trailer
and the tent. Out of the four days we were there, we managed to get him to the
beach for only two hours of that time. Darrel seemed to enjoy his brief time
in the water. He had on a full body wet suit, and a water spring-float to
make things easier for him. Last year, alot more caution was taken to insure
his central-line was kept dry, but Darrel having the best time he could was
more important this time. He also enjoyed building a sand crab with his Uncle
Don on the beach. It would have been nice if he had decided to join us one of
those nights by the camp fire (as his questions and stories have always been
something extra special), but the little he did each day put quite a drain on
him. In the end, he did whatever he wanted, whenever he felt he could handle
it. It certainly wasn't the best camping trip we had taken as a family, but it
will be a memorable one for sure.
Darrel's condition is still moving slowly in a spiral downwards. While his
requests for increased morphine injections haven't reached the amounts of two
weeks ago, his base dosages seem to be still taking their toll on him. Along
with making him constantly sleepy, the morphine continues to make him more and
more itchy. Much of his little body is covered with claw marks from where he
scratched himself too much and/or too hard. While understandable, this does
not make the situation any easier to deal with (not that anything really
would). With his skin and blood being to thin, and the depletion or
nonexistence of most liver functions, there isn't very much to get this under
control. He often wakes up with dried blood on his face, and all over his
pillow, as blood slowly seeps out of his lips and ears over the night time. It
is becoming more dificult to get these areas to stop bleeding, even though
Darrel hasn't scratched them in some time, there are other spots also in need
of attention, as they have cracked open due to driness of the skin, or some
other reason. This is all compounded with a very persistent eye infection that
just doesn't want to go away.
We also were quite concerned, as Darrel had not had his bowels move in over
a week. This is yet another side effect of the morphine and the other
medications he is currently on. Rebecca had given him several different kinds
of laxatives and stool softeners with no effect. This added to his pain and
discomfort, as Darrel was quite literally Full of Shit! It was feared that if
it didn't start to come out the natural manner, it would be working its way up
his body to come out the other. Fortunately, on Saturday night, he was able to
relieve some of that built up pressure on his system on a successful trip to
the washroom.
It is also hoped that this will make more room for food to stay in Darrel's
stomach. He has been unable to keep anything of substance down for very long.
Whether this has been a result of a back-up of his intestines, growth and/or
placement of the tumor, or something else, it is uncertain at this time.
Either way, any small step forward at this time, seems to be met with a couple
of large steps in the opposite direction shortly there after.
As always, when he is wake enough, and the pain is properly being managed,
Darrel will be sitting there watching TV, or playing something on the GameCube,
or even playing with the dog. It is always great to watch, but then the
reality sets in that though his mind and spirit will never come close to being
conquered, his frail body is betraying him more and more every day. I've done
my best to not let the thoughts of what the short term future have in store for
my family get to me, but that is a battle I'm losing too. Whether it be
quietly making funeral arrangements while he is sleeping in the next room, or
the unpleasant realization that when Darrel does even the smallest thing, it
could very well be the last time he does it...and very soon it will be the last
time.
Thanks again to most of you who continue to read and comment on
these blogs. I know they are not light or cheery to deal with, but in a
strange way, it often does help me to put some of these thoughts and feelings
down. There are those of you who have said my words seem to distant and calm
for what this situation warrants. Perhaps my years of composing long winded
essays in "dry" subjects such as history and political science have tempered
the way I put things down to a certain extent, BUT it is not the place of
anyone I know personally, or through any other way to judge and/or evaluate how
I wish to express myself in these blogs! Please keep such opinions to yourself
in the future, or stop reading these posts. I have more than enough to deal
with than pandering to someone's self obessed rants about their take on MY
life. This bout DARREL... not you.
Until next time....thanks. Take care for now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aug 15/07
Yesterday, after this was originally posted, Darrel went down to see the
doctor, and have his blood counts checked again. They were both disturbed and
shocked by the results. Not only were the counts deathly low, they couldn't
believe that he was still conscious and coherent enough to be sitting there
watching TV and humming along to High School Musical (we won't discuss his
mental state for enjoying that show). They also confirmed that he does have an
internal bleed somewhere in his intestines (could be kidney, liver and/or
bowels). Other results showed that his liver and kidney functions are
getting much weaker as well. Once again, we were strongly advised to get any
preparations for Darrel organized without much delay.
On a somewhat more upbeat situation, the extra medications Darrel is now
taking have made him more comfortable again. A Vitamin K shot has helped to
thicken and clot his blood, and has almost stopped the bleeding of his lips and
ears. Another drugs seem to have quieted down his stomach, allowing him to eat
something, and actually keep it down again. The blood transfusion have also
made Darrel a bit more perky, but he is still unable to do anything physical,
as the other medications continue to keep him quite drowsy and too dizzy to
much of anything. I still provide continual transportation services when ever
he needs to move around the house. He does enjoy yelling out "Airlift", and
have me come running from anywhere and everywhere.
He goes again to the hospital on Thursday, but any improvments they see,
won't be very long term. With his internal organs shutting down, and an
internal bleed, it is likely these will be his undoing before the cancer can do
its worst to him. This is somewhat of a blessing, yet a devasting reality the
looms closer each hour and each day.
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