Getting More Difficult
Category: Life
Last week was not a happy or pleasant one here. Starting on Tuesday,
Darrel's pain levels increased in regularity and intensity. It was necessary
to adjust both his base and break-thru doses of morphine several times before
his discomfort levelled off. It is never pleasant to watch anyone suffer,
especially your own kid. Rebecca worked as quickly as she could to measure out
and prepare the needed injection, but as long as it seemed to me, it most
certainly felt longer for Darrel. We were beginning to believe that we had
come to the point of no return, when the situation finally began to settle down
on Saturday morning. Though his daily base level of morphine is now double
what it was at the start of that week, no additional morphine has been required
in almost 72 hours. This is a great relief to say the least.
As if all this wasn't depressing and emotional enough, we also went down to
the funeral home to discuss what kind of arrangements we were going to have for
Darrel. Other that what I'd seen watching on how the events unfold at the
Fischer and Sons Funeral Home on Six Feet Under over the years, this was my
first time being involved in the preparation stages of a funeral. Of course,
this was a very awkward and surreal experience to be planning for your child's
funeral, and the fact that he was at that moment, still at home watching TV
with his sisters. Fortunately for us, the funeral director was comforting,
understanding, and also had previously had lost his son at an early age to
cancer. He many times stated that he couldn't relate to our situation...yet he
could on so many levels of emotions. He had had issues with how the doctors
and religious figures handled the care, treatments, and eventual death of his
son when he was only 14. Many were similar to what had been through with
Darrel over the past two years, but even the differences were not that
different.
Though nothing was finalized after our discussion, it was in a strange way
comforting to know that there were very few options that could not be persued
now, or further down the road. Things will not have to proceed at someone
else's timetable, or the service being overly religious if we don't want it to.
This has caused some friction within the family, as there as those who are
more traditional, and deeply rooted in their faith than we are. Hopefully this
can be resolved more calmly than it began, and currently still is, but time
will tell. The service we want will be all about DARREL...not us...and not the
Catholic Church with its beliefs and doctrines. The last thing anybody in the
family needs now is added stress and/or emotional burdens. While the opinions
and beliefs of others could be considered to a certain degree, the final
decisions are ultimately for Rebecca and I to make.
The girls have already left for camping, and if Darrel feels up to it, we
will be joining them tomorrow. Since this is the one trip they all look
forward to every year, I hate to not be able to do it with Darrel one last
time. He still wants to go, but if he is regularly unable to be comfortable
with all the resources we have at the house, I'm quite concerned about how we
are going to be able to accomplish this in a campground. I guess that will
probably be the subject in the next post. Thanks again
everybody.
Category: Life
Last week was not a happy or pleasant one here. Starting on Tuesday,
Darrel's pain levels increased in regularity and intensity. It was necessary
to adjust both his base and break-thru doses of morphine several times before
his discomfort levelled off. It is never pleasant to watch anyone suffer,
especially your own kid. Rebecca worked as quickly as she could to measure out
and prepare the needed injection, but as long as it seemed to me, it most
certainly felt longer for Darrel. We were beginning to believe that we had
come to the point of no return, when the situation finally began to settle down
on Saturday morning. Though his daily base level of morphine is now double
what it was at the start of that week, no additional morphine has been required
in almost 72 hours. This is a great relief to say the least.
As if all this wasn't depressing and emotional enough, we also went down to
the funeral home to discuss what kind of arrangements we were going to have for
Darrel. Other that what I'd seen watching on how the events unfold at the
Fischer and Sons Funeral Home on Six Feet Under over the years, this was my
first time being involved in the preparation stages of a funeral. Of course,
this was a very awkward and surreal experience to be planning for your child's
funeral, and the fact that he was at that moment, still at home watching TV
with his sisters. Fortunately for us, the funeral director was comforting,
understanding, and also had previously had lost his son at an early age to
cancer. He many times stated that he couldn't relate to our situation...yet he
could on so many levels of emotions. He had had issues with how the doctors
and religious figures handled the care, treatments, and eventual death of his
son when he was only 14. Many were similar to what had been through with
Darrel over the past two years, but even the differences were not that
different.
Though nothing was finalized after our discussion, it was in a strange way
comforting to know that there were very few options that could not be persued
now, or further down the road. Things will not have to proceed at someone
else's timetable, or the service being overly religious if we don't want it to.
This has caused some friction within the family, as there as those who are
more traditional, and deeply rooted in their faith than we are. Hopefully this
can be resolved more calmly than it began, and currently still is, but time
will tell. The service we want will be all about DARREL...not us...and not the
Catholic Church with its beliefs and doctrines. The last thing anybody in the
family needs now is added stress and/or emotional burdens. While the opinions
and beliefs of others could be considered to a certain degree, the final
decisions are ultimately for Rebecca and I to make.
The girls have already left for camping, and if Darrel feels up to it, we
will be joining them tomorrow. Since this is the one trip they all look
forward to every year, I hate to not be able to do it with Darrel one last
time. He still wants to go, but if he is regularly unable to be comfortable
with all the resources we have at the house, I'm quite concerned about how we
are going to be able to accomplish this in a campground. I guess that will
probably be the subject in the next post. Thanks again
everybody.
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