Thank You/Merry Christmas 
Category:  Life 

I'd like to take this time to say thank you to my family, friends, and 
members of Darrel's Playground for all their support over the past year.  It
has never been easy, but your kind and thoughtful words, and equally moving
gestures have made both an impact and difference on many an occasion when I was
feeling emtionally low.  Darrel is remembered every day on so many levels by my
family and all who have been fortunate enough to experience him in their lives.

Over the course of the year, I've tried to spread Childhood Cancer 
Awareness through the Playground's MySpace and Facebook pages.  It is often 
difficult to talk openly about a subject that the public-at-large doesn't want 
to hear about, but that certainly pales in the difficulty of living through 
those memories for the rest of my life.  Team Darrel's participation in the 
Relay For Life last June did much to remind me that we're not alone in this 
struggle, and that there is so much more we can do together to help out.  
 
Through our collective efforts we have also been able to many several 
donations in Darrel's name to several worthy groups/organizations.  The
Canadian Cancer Society, The James Fund for Neuroblastoma Research, The Sick
Kids Foundation, The Grand River Hospital Children's Oncology Clinic, and
Katie's Pennies (CHEO) have all benefited through your generous contributions. 
The financial strains of having a loved one undergoing cancer treatments can be 
quite substantial (to say the least), and every little bit does help the 
situation in ways most of you will hopefully never know.  Having been at 
receiving at of such donations in the past, I'm quite aware how even the 
smallest of gifts can bring the biggest of smiles to the face of a child.  

Along with my thanks, I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a 
Happy New Year.  I hope you all will be able to spend time with family and 
friends over the holidays, and enjoy all the festive season has to offer.

Thanks Again,
Stephen

'Still' Life
Category: Life 

It's almost been 15 months since we lost Darrel to neuroblastoma, but
in one way or another I still see him everyday. Whether it be the pictures on
the walls, or slowly fading memories of him in each room of the house, he is
here/there. This was especially true when I was on vacation last week. I had
been meaning to get our camcorder tapes ready to transfer to DVDs for quite
awhile, and it seemed like a good time to begin.

Though I often look through our countless photo  albums of pictures of Darrel,
it was completely different viewing and listening  to the videos. There he was in front
of me again: smiling, laughing, crying,  fighting with his sisters, blowing out
birthday candles, and asking for help  putting together his new Power Ranger
Glider one Christmas morning. It wasn't merely a still image captured on a
piece of glossy paper, but at least for a moment, his voice seemed to echo
throughout the house once more. Since we mainly  pulled out the video camera for
special and happy occasions, the moments from  his brief life recorded on those
tapes were pleasant ones.

As with all  things Darrel related, watching those home movies brought with them a
wide range of emotions. Though happiness and sadness were to be expected, I also
found myself feeling bad and guilty everytime I scolded Darrel on the tape for some 
assorted minor misdeed. They were for the usual things you take issue with your children
for (and most of the clips I have watched thus far were before he was diagnosed
in September of 2005), but it felt somewhat wrong looking back at them  now, all things
considered.

Even after his extensive treatments were well  under way, we tried to keep all the kids
equal in the discipline department.  Being 'fair' to all your children is sometimes one
of the difficult parts of  parenting (I am unfortunately all too familiar with the Hardest thing
a parent ever may have to do). Of course, as the situation progressed, more and more
exceptions had to be made for Darrel. The constant mood swings brought on by the 
various drugs, not to mention his physical condition, meant the rules were applied
differently, and different rules were applied. It was not always an easy task to accomplish,
but we somehow managed for the most part.

I recall  the time Darrel went too far (there were countless such situations), and I gave him
a light swat on the bum (only the once). Enough was enough, and he needed a  reminder
that it was not always 'anything goes', regardless of his illness. It  was light enough to
cause him no pain or discomfort, but it did send a clear message about how
serious we were. He soon snapped out of it, and we enjoyed the rest of the
evening at home together. The next morning we were down at Sick Kids in Toronto
for one of our many regular appointments. Little had I known at the time  that his
platelets had been so low that my hand print was still quite visible on his
backside. With a devilish little grin he told the nurse 'My Dad hit me'. His giggling, along
with my look of astonishment and embrassment made both Rebecca and the nurse
breakout into a chuckle themselves. I had been found guilty then... much like I felt
watching scattered parts of the videos, and every day that he is not here with me.

For the most part, watching the tapes filled me with pride, moderated with sorrow and a huge sense of loss. In the years ahead we'll be able to show the girls clips of their first words, first
steps, and many of the joys from their respective youths. I will not be able to share such
moments with Darrel, nor be able to video tape any other of his 'firsts' or  triumphs
that surely would have come in a future that should have followed. The photographs,
videos, and memories of Darrel will always be intense and present  in our lives, but they
will never be enough to fill the void his death created  for our family.

"With a photographic memory, I could live in a time that used to be"
'Still Life' - Men At Work (1985)

The Mother Loader
Category: Life 

I've often mentioned before in previous blogs about some of the adventures 
we had with Darrel while driving to various locations in the van.  There were 
his quick and snappy responses to almost anything and everything that was going 
on, the constant sounds from his GameBoy and/or portable DVD player, and the 
complaining about how long the trip was taking.  It is the last point which I'm 
going to focus on this time.

Our home in Fergus is just over an hour's drive away from Toronto, where 
the Hospital For Sick Children is located.  Because it is situated (with
several other of the major hospitals) in the heart of the city, travel time
could vary greatly due to traffic, construction and/or any other reason at any
point in the day.  As most of his appointments were earlier in the morning, we
would usually hit the worst of it each trip...everytime!  We often would
encounter several points where we would have to slow down (or come to a
complete stop) along the way.  While on the 401, outside Milton was always hit
and miss, around Pearson  International Airport/427 on-ramp could be interesting
(to say the least), but the guarantee traffic jam was trying to get on the
Gardiner Expressway!

For the longest time, Darrel would call the Gardiner the 'Mother-Loader'.  
With so many on and off ramps, and collectors lanes converging so close 
together, it must have seemed quite overwhelming to a young boy from a small 
town.  Stop and Go traffic would almost always to the norm from this point on 
until we made it to Sick Kids.  But it was the 'Mother Loader' part of the 
journey Darrel dreaded the most.  After being bugged about his chosen name for 
the highway, he eventually called it the 'Gardener', but I could still get a 
rise out of him by calling it the 'Lawn Mower', 'Snow Plower', or something
else along those lines.  He would seldom lose his temper with me on any matter
(with his sisters was a completely different matter), but I sometimes had to
watch myself during these exchanges.

Reading blogs that other parents have posted has made me appreciate how 
fortunate we were to have been as close to a institution/facilty like Sick Kids 
as we were, and how trivial a delay on the 401 was compared to what other 
families had to contend with.  While we were relatively short travelling 
distance to all the places where Darrel received treatments, others families
had to endure even longer drives, and in some cases the child needed to travel
by plane to another city, province/state, or even a different country. 
Remembering  how much time and effort was made to keep Darrel safe and
comfortable during our  trips, I can't even imagine the precautions that would
be needed to transport a  child with limited or no functioning immune system,
and/or in great pain, through a busy public airport!   I was of course always
worried that our old van could break down, get a flat in the middle of no where
on a cold winter's night, or was concerned about what could be floating around
in the air if we had to stop at Tim Hortons for a washroom break.  At least
with these possible  situations, we could somewhat control most of the variables
involved.  I can think about it in those terms now, but when it is your child,
no obstacle is big enough to slow you down, or give a seconds worth of
hesitation to.  You do what  you have to do...End of story!

There were alot of panicky trips with Darrel, due to high fevers or other 
medical concerns, but these were only to our satellite hospital (affiliated
with Sick Kids) in Kitchener.  Had we needed to drive to Toronto in such cases,
those often long and stressful drives would have seemed excruciatingly longer,
and extremely more stressful!

It's odd that I can reflect back somewhat more fondly now on the countless 
early morning traffic jams, barreling through snow drifts in the middle of the 
night on Trafalger Road, and of course, the Mother Loader.  There were a few 
times when we had to call Sick Kids and say we couldn't make it in, but for the 
most part, we got Darrel there somehow.  The many rounds of chemo, various 
tests, and weeks of radiation had been scheduled well in advance, and every 
effort had to be made to achieve them, but it wasn't always easy.  Though they 
were often lengthy and unpleasant, these adventures getting back and forth to 
Toronto made up a large part of the last two years of Darrel's life, therefore 
can not be easily overlooked, forgotten, or looked upon without complete 
amazement.

Missing Darrel: One Year Later
Category: Life

It is both impossible to believe, and unbearable to fully take in the fact 
that a year has passed since Darrel's death.  So much of my life has changed 
since September 9, 2007, yet my son playing a huge part in every day of it has 
not, and never will.  There are constant reminders everywhere of all things 
Darrel.  Most of them are from happier times, which upon reflection can only 
lead my thoughts back to how his life concluded one year ago today.

Before the new school started last week, parents everywhere were getting 
their children ready for the return to class.  Buying new clothes, shoes, 
supplies and of cousre getting haircuts are always a must.  I was getting a 
haircut one day (though it doesn't take that long anymore, as there isn't much 
left up to trim), and there were several young boys at First Choice as well. 
It was almost painful inside to see such young and happy faces, and hear them
talk about how excited they were about the return to school, and seeing their
friends again.  I should have been there with Darrel, but that was not meant to be.

Darrel only attended his Junior Kindergarten (JK) year, as we had to  pull 
him out in his second week of the following year.  During that brief time in 
school, I'm not sure what connections he made with his classmates.  There no 
doubt were the beginnings of long term friendships formed, but they never got 
the chance to grow to that point.  The one boy he did talk about frequently was 
the dreaded "boy with the dinosaur shirt".  Darrel did not get along very well 
with this kid, and he was never spoken of in favourable terms. "My Nemesis" was 
the other term Darrel referrred the boy as for the first two months of the 
school year.  I assume Darrel picked up the term 'nemesis' from one of the TV 
shows he liked to watch, as it is not the kind of word you here very often.  
Could have been from the Power Rangers, Pokemon, Kim Possible or Totally Spies, 
where same evil doer regularly would do battle with the good guys on the 
program.  It wasn't until the class picture came home that we learned his real 
name...Gavin, and he was indeed wearing a dinosaur shirt!  I often wonder if 
Darrel and Gavin would have got over whatever sparked their initial dislike of 
each other, and would now be best friends.  It is just one more question I'll 
never have an answer to.

A year later, everyone in the family seems to have handled all that has 
happened as well as could be expected, at least on the surface anyways. 
Knowing how the little things can effect me in a big way, I can only imagaine
the impact it will continue to have on Kira and Lauren.  The girls are free to
talk to us about anything that is troubling them, but whether they keep such
concerns buried internally as to not upset Rebecca or myself, I'm not so
certain.  For now, the circumstances seem to be under control, but as I know,
the future can be full of both pleasant and unpleasant surprises.

With September being now recognized as Childhood Cancer Awareness Month,  
the added media exposure makes thinking about Darrel even more unavoidable.  
From being diagnosed in September of 2005, and all that in Septmeber of 2007, 
chilhood cancer was already strongly tied to that month for my  family already. 

While much is done for the more "high profile" types of  cancer, very little
is done for countless cancers that target children.  I often here people
complain that seeing images of sick children in commercials is upsetting and
disturbing to them.  I often want to respond that they are so very fortunate
they have the luxury of being able to just change the channel at such times and
go about their business as usual...for me these sights and emotions are so
deeply engrained they can never be removed, forgotten, or simply turned off
with the click of a button.  If for a moment they feel uncomfortable enough to
help the cause in some way, perhaps another family will not have to go through
what mine has.

Today we start our second year without Darrel.  Another round of birthdays, 
his favourite holidays (Halloween and Christmas), and other daily occurrences 
that will be somewhat diminished, even before they happen, without his presence 
and his unique comments that would have most certainly would have been  blunt 
and to the point, but always memorable.  Memories...that's all we have left of 
Darrel now.  Fortunately, the most part, they are vivid and plentiful ones.  
Through the good times and the bad, all the highs and lows, his spirit and 
sense of humour remained intact and unwaivering.  This, and so many other
priceless Darrel moments, I will always remember, always treasure, and will
always miss.

Rest In Peace Darrel

Love Daddy


May 26, 2000 - September 9, 2007

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends

Like my fathers come to pass 
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again 
Becoming who we are
 
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost 
Wake me up when September ends

More Than Meets The Eye
Category: Life

As the one year anniversary of Darrel's death looms closer, it is still 
impossible to believe he is actually gone.  There is still, and hopefully
always will be, so much of him in every corner of the house.  Though his old
room is now Kira's (and very pink), and countless renovations have taken place,
there constant physical reminders that this IS his home too.

Pictures are scattered here, there and everywhere....his hand made crafts 
still sit proudly on display....various items are still around and in use with 
his name on them (from paper notepads to packages of gum to avoid fights with 
his sisters)....or his GameCube memory cards sitting by the console waiting to 
be used once more (I still give Kira crap if she plays Zelda or Harvest Moon on 
his card. He wanted to strangle her when she 'accidently' erased one of his 
battles last year. Kira was in a rush to copy his file on to her memory card 
before he took his with him to the hospital...but it didn't quite turn out that 
way).  These are still signs that a family of five lives here.
 
Just last month, when we had a new floor put in the kitchen and new  trim
installed in the living room, more proof (as if we needed any) was quite 
evident.  Several of the larger pieces of furniture were moved for the first 
time in a long time, and we found items that would and/or could have only been 
stashed there by Darrel.  From marbles and other small toys, to what we believe 
was once a Rice Krispie Square (Darrel usually took them with him on hospital 
road trips...with an abundant supply of Apple Juice of course) in a sealed 
Ziploc bag underneath the entertainment unit, they were certainly finds that 
gave me a pause for a moment or two.  The fact that discovering a hardened 
greenish blue lump (it was probably smelly too, but I didn't open the bag to 
check) could stir such happy, angry, sad and a variety emotions all over the 
scale has become second nature to me.

It's always the little things that come out of the blue, and that you don't 
expect that hit you the deepest.  Like seeing a box of cereal in the grocery 
store.  That was all it took a few weeks ago.  One of Darrel's favourites was 
Oatmeal Crisp - Maple Nut.  There are several kinds of Oatmeal Crisp, but the 
Maple Nut was the only one he liked....but the problem was he didn't actually 
like the larger nut clusters.

Every breakfast, it was a very slow process if he wanted that kind  of
cereal.  I would have to slowly pour a small portion into his bowl, and we 
would have to sift through and remove the clusters he deemed too big to pass
his meticulous inspection (he used to take a similar and tedious approach when 
selecting his homemade carmel popcorn...alot of time and thought went into each 
kernel chosen as worthy)  This procedure would be repeated countless times 
before the milk was added and his actual breakfast would begin.  Of course, 
everyone else really liked the clusters, so they were returned to the box, 
making more work for Darrel and I the next morning.  I could have certainly 
taken steps to speed up the entire task, but why would I have wanted to do 
that?   As I work in a grocery store, I pass by that section of the aisle 
constantly, but on that particular day for some reason, it was not simply a box 
of Oatmeal Crisp, it was a piece of Darrel, and I almost lost it. 

Whether it be Apple Juice, Chicken McNuggets, Oatmeal Crisp, a bottle of 
Flintstone vitamins, or walking up Yonge Street in Toronto in the rain, these 
things have formed a deeper connection and bond with me.  The symbolism they 
represent can not be denied or avoided, and can strike with an unsuspecting
fury at any time.  I often find myself trying to shake off the mounting pain
and sadness these moments can create when out in public, (as many of those
around me would have no idea what or why such a response was sparked), but at
the same time, I often want to let it all out.  Though those close to me would 
understand, countless others would not, and I have no desire to explain, or for 
the return of the well-intentioned "Pity Parade".   While others may only see
or hear common daily sights and sounds, to me... they are something 
else...something special. To borrow a line from one of Darrel's favourite show, 
'Transformers', with such times, there truly is "More Than Meets The Eye".

Red Tape
Category: Life

Rebecca was outside doing some gardening when I came home from work for 
lunch on Monday.  As I got out of the Jeep, she said "Oh there is my late 
husband" with a slight grin on her face.  I thought this was kind of strange as 
my lunch had only started 10 minutes ago (so I wasn't late at all).  After we 
both got into the house she handed me a letter from Revenue Canada addressed to 
"The Estate of the Late Stephen Robb"!!  Apparently the government (in it's 
infinite wisdom) had come to the conclusion that I was in fact deceased after 
processing my Income Tax Return for 2007.

On top of that shocker, a letter arrived the following day to state due to 
my "death" on September 9, 2007, my Return was revised and reassessed using
that date to calculate my earnings and CPP contributions (not December 31st as 
usual).  This meant that my refund was several hundred dollars less than 
expected (and addressed to my Estate as well).

Since 2005, we have had an accountant do our Income Tax filings, as there 
were alot more financial expenses be be accounted for while Darrel was under 
going the various never endings treatments.  We needed someone with the 
knowledge of the tax system, and not  under the added emotional stress that 
comes with your child battling cancer.  Each year, we were fortunate to get 
quite substantial refunds, though I wish we never had to have those expenses to 
receive credit for in the first place.  Our accountant had again calculated 
another favourable Return for us for the past year.  To avoid any problems, he 
suggested we include a copy of Darerl's Death Certificate along with all the 
other financial papers.  This made perfect sense, so we did this, and made sure 
to add his Soical Insurance Number (SIN), so that his Educational Savings Plan 
could be adjusted at the same time.

Someone, somewhere along the line must not have been paying very (or  any)
close attention to the detailed information I submitted.  Darrel and I  share
the same middle name, but all other personal data was obviously  significantly
different.  After finally talking to a real person (automated  systems can drive
you batty), I think the situation MAY be properly corrected.   As I was given
the typical government response of "6 to 8 weeks", it will  probably be a while
before I'll know for certain.

As I was told I could, I went down to the bank to cash the refund cheque 
Revenue Canada had sent (as an additional one MAY come later if they deem a 
correction is required).  Even though the teller knew who I was , the 
transaction was flagged by the computer, and therefore there was nothing she 
could do about it at that point.  I then spent/wasted 20 minutes filling out
the paperwork to prove I was in fact alive. 

Hopefully everything is resolved now (I'll let you know in...6 to 8 weeks), 
but most likely my file is still somewhere stuck in the bureaucratic red tape
in Ottawa.  Government employees seldom like to admit they made a mistake, so
who knows what may come further down the road.  The only saving grace of all
this is that it happened this past Monday, not the previous week, which was
Darrel's  birthday.  It most certainly would not have been helpful or
appreciated on that  day especially.


*************************

Aug 1/08

Two weeks ago, I paid a visit to our Member of Parliament's local office to inquire
on the status of my issues with Revenue Canada. A week later, the remainder of
the refund from my income tax claim arrived in the mail.  Whether it was the MP's
staff pushing the action, or the fact that the initial 6 to 8 week period had come and
gone, I was just happy that the entire situation was behind us...or so I thought.

The next day, Rebecca received the new annual statement for the Canada Child Tax
Benefit. It of course, still listed THREE eligible children for us to claim for
the new governmental fiscal year. Needless to say, yet another uncomfortable
call had to be made to explain the reality of it all to some complete stranger.
More paperwork, more Red Tape, but still sadly...no more Darrel.

Picture Perfect
Category: Life 

On July 2, 2007, my family was fortunate enough to participate in the 
"Smiling Eyes" program offered by Click Photography. This offer provides a free 
photo shoot to families touched by cancer in some way.  A year later, I still 
look back at those 146 photos very fondly, and very often.

It turned out to be a great session, with Kira, Lauren, and Darrel all in positive and  
happy moods, and even the weather co-operated too.  Each picture sparkles and
radiates a life and hope unlike anything I've seen before.  Though Darrel's
eyes were almost dancing innocently in front of the camera, you can also see a
timeless wisdom in them as well.  So much they had seen in such a short time,
yet so precious little time left to witness anything else.  In just over two
months, he would be gone.

A few weeks later, when the proofs from the shoot arrived, the Darrel 
captured on that day and the Darrel we were caring for at first glance seemed
to be worlds apart.  Though his spirit, wit, and sense of humour were fully
intact, his body was being drained and zapped of energy at an alarming rate.  
The boy that ran around playing and laughing with his sisters during the photo
shoot now seldom left the couch, and rarely was free of pain.

Of course we have hundreds of pictures of Darrel before we ever heard of 
neuroblastoma, or gave childhood cancer a second thought, but these are still 
some of my favourite.  They showcase Darrel at his personal finest, even 
though physcially he was fast approaching his worst.  They showcase a loving
and united family together facing a disease and hardships no one should ever
have to endure.  They showcase Life.

A special thanks once again to Christine Kufske at Click for her great 
work, and her tremendously generous program.  She has since extended the 
program, and got other photographers to join with her to handle the 
unfortunately plentiful requests.  We are all very grateful to have been able
to take advantage of her services. 

www.clickphotography.ca 

Relay 2008 Recap
Category: Life 

This past Friday, the Relay For Life was held in Fergus, and it was the first 
time for "Team Darrel".  After almost three months of going to meetings and 
planning, the big day finally arrived, and what a beautiful day it turned out
to be.  All week long, the weather reports had been most unfavourable, but
Friday afternoon was very sunny and quite warm.  Setting up our base site went 
smoothly, though the girls were constantly being distracted by the free popcorn 
and cotton candy being provided.

Led by the Fergus Pipe Band, the emotional Cancer Survivors Lap around the 
track was  a large part of the official opening of the Relay.  Seeing so  many
people proudly wearing their yellow shirts walking the course reminded all  in
attendance why we were there.  Of course, I didn't need any help remembering 
why I was present, but the Lap was something to behold regardless.

About 10PM, it was dark enough for the lighting of the Luminaries.  For those 
unfamiliar with them, luminaries are specially designed, flame resistant white 
bags that line around the entire Relay course.  They are purchased "In Hounour" 
or "In Memory" of loved ones who have been touched by cancer.  There were 
several for Darrel, and it was something to see them finally lit up.  The track 
took on a completely different atmosphere once all the hundreds and hundreds of 
them began to glow in the warm summer night.  Many participants slowed their 
pace to read the names of those lost at this point.  I stood back a bit from 
Darrel's luminaries for a time and was surprised, saddened, and very proud of 
some of the comments that were made as people passed by.  They didn't know that I 
was there, or who I was, which made their words more special and meaningful to me.

 As the theme for the night was "Say Aidos To Cancer", many of the team sites 
(and members) were decorated with all things Mexico.  Some were quite
elaborate,  others not so much so, but almost every one of them had a Pinata! 
The girls had went to the grocery store earlier with me in the day to select
what candy would  go into each of their individual ones.  Kira named her burro
figure 'Donkey'  from Shrek, and Lauren's bull was 'Benny' from Dora the
Explorer.  They rather  impatiently waited until I gave the official go-ahead,
and then began gleefully  pounding the heck out of them!  

The last time I purchased a Pinata was for Kira's 7th birthday party back in 
2004.  She had all the girls in her class over, and they took turns attacking 
it.  Darrel sat in anticipation of the falling candy close by, far too close by 
as it turned out.  Even though we told him to move back, as some of the girls 
swings were wild and all over the place, he continued to inch himself slowly 
forward.  Darrel would eventually take a wicked wack to the head that would 
leave a bump for over a week.  Kids just never seem to learn that sometimes, 
parents DO actually know what we are talking about. 

The next big surprise would come just before midnight, when it was announced 
that Team Darrel had raised the most money in pledges, and we would be going to 
the VIP Tent.  The Falcon Lounge (named after sponsoring firm)  had everything 
you could possibly want in the middle of soccer field and more.  Big screen
TVs, very comfy sofas, video games, and a well stocked fridge, and lots of
pizza and other assorted munchies.

Though it was fitting and seemed right, the fact that the movie they were 
playing was "Tranformers", and the video game was Shrek SuperSlam did knock me 
off balance at first.  The organizers had no way of knowing what a Tranformers 
fan Darrel was, and that it was the last movie I would ever take him too, but 
there it was.  As for Shrek, he would always want to play that with me, as he 
knew he would probably win.  I could often beat him in MarioKart or a few other 
games, but try as I might, something about Shrek  always seemed to escape  me.
The strange irony that these would somehow be presented unknowingly to us as  a
reward while operating under Darrel's name was not lost by myself or a few of the others.

Shortly after we returned to our site, in the distance we could see lightning 
and hear the rumblings of thunder.  Soon the storm would begin, and the rain 
would remain with us for much of the remainder of the Relay.  As the rain came 
pouring down, many people scattered for cover, some left altogether, while 
others soldiered on with their walk. Through it all, the majority of the 
luminaries continued to burn on, as defiantly and against the odds as Darrel
did with his battle against cancer.  It didn't matter that the track was now a
pool of mud, they just kept on going.  

The storm would continue off and on over the next 4 hours, but finally let up 
just before the Relay was to come to an end.  By that point, there weren't too 
many of us left, but the mood was still rather upbeat considering what we had 
just been sent from Mother Nature.  Though our clothes and possessions were 
soaked, the weather had failed to dampen the spirit and reason for why had put 
ourselves in that position in the first place.

 It was truly an amazing night and experience, and I'm very happy and proud 
how our Team worked together and how the entire event unfolded.  I hope we will 
be able to enter and achieve similar success next year too.  Coming in first 
overall was great, but it's not about us, and in no way should be.  In total, 
the Fergus Relay raised close to $42,000 from only 21 teams, which is 
outstanding. 

Thanks again to everyone who support any and all of Team Darrel over the past 
couple of months.  Without you, none of what we were able to accomplish would 
have been possible.  At this time I'd like to give special thanks to:

St. Joseph Catholic School - The school community has been very generous to 
our family since the entire ordeal began, and came through once again with a 
$500 pledge for Team Darrel.  

Trevor and Kim, Darryl, and Sarah - Over the night, these friends brought in coffee
and donuts from Tim Hortons with out team.  It certainly helped to keep us going.

Janet - For listening and sharing of memories of those we have lost.

Deanna and Anne - Though not at the Realy in person, made a contribution in 
their own way to the event, to the fight against cancer, and of course...to Darrel.

Poem - For Darrel
Category: Writing and Poetry, Life 
 
Balloon's fill the sky today,
For an angel who just turned 8.
Because we cannot give him presents,
Or watch him eat his cake.

Darrel took flight last year,
As his battle with cancer ended.
Wishing he was here today,
So everything can be mended.

He celebrates up in Heaven,
With all his angel friends.
Eating cake and opening presents,
Hoping the day will never end.

But his family is down here wishing,
That he could be here today.
As it just isn't a  birthday,
Without the little boy turning 8.

No watching the glee in  his eyes,
As the candles flicker so bright.
Wishing everyone would hurry  up,
So he can blow out the light.

So we celebrate on Earth today,
For an angel who is in Heaven.
Never forgetting the angel in Heaven,
Will forever be 7.

Written in Memory of Darrel for his 8th  Birthday.

By: Madissen Levesque
May 26th, 2008

Candles No More
Category: Life
 
"Children with cancer are like candles in the wind who accept the 
possibility that they are in danger of being extinguished by a gust of wind
from nowhere and yet, as they flicker and dance to remain alive, their
brilliance challenges the darkness and dazzles those of us who watch their light."

 Here we are...May 26, 2008.  Eight years ago today, we were celebrating the 
birth of my son Darrel.  Eight years later, it's still his birthday,   but
there is little left to celebrate. There will be no gifts, no balloons, no 
parties, nor cake, but most important of all, no smiling young boy sitting at 
the end of the table...there is no Darrel.

Darrel always had a difficult time holding back blowing out the candles 
until the "Happy Birthday" song was finished.  Perhaps it was due to the rather 
extended version that was tradition in my family.  Everyone would go through
the verse at different speeds and volume levels, with my mother always being
the last one done.  I'm sure it seemed like it went forever, but he knew what
would be coming, even before the first candle was lit.  Then again, sitting
quietly  and still were never two of Darrel's stronger characteristics.  Maybe
it was the  knowledge that he could only the presents and "cash money" (he
thought it was  great...even better than the gifts sometimes, to get a card
filled with money on  his birthday.  Afterwards, he'd run up to his room and
admire the colourful  bills for a while) after cake part was over with.  Who
knows, maybe he had  watched so many episodes of Rescue Heroes, and he wanted to
be a fireman, so putting out flames came naturally to him.

Before Darrel was born, Rebecca had quite the collection of scented candles 
scattered around the house.  The girls never seemed to be as fascinated with 
them as Darrel was when they were that young.  For them, especially Lauren, it 
was more about the scented fragrance each one gave off, not the flame itself.  
Once he was mobile enough to get around, the candles, for the most part, became 
less prominent in our home (though we still had several cases of them in the 
basement bought years earlier...Thanks Tanya).  We weren't so worried about him 
accidently burning himself or causing a fire (as he always kept a respectful 
distance), it was simply the fact he kept blowing them out once Rebecca or I 
left the room!  Even though he was told that they were safe to be left 
unattended for short periods, they would still somehow be extinguished by the 
time we got back a few moments later. Throughout the year, on many occasions, 
when we were quicker to return than Darrel expected, we'd see him standing in 
front of the candle, humming the tune to Happy Birthday as fast as he could, 
before blowing out each and every tiny flame.  It was hard to get angry with
him for doing this, as the grin on his face was often brighter than the flicker
of light had been only moments before.

We knew that barring some miracle, Darrel's birthday last year was going to 
be his last one with us.  It didn't matter what he desired as a gift, he 
received it, and then some.  The Nintendo DS, countless games, DVDs, the much 
sought after 'cash money', and of cousre, more Model Magic were all there for 
him.  Earlier in the week, I had taken him to Zellers to pick out a new bike.  
It really wasn't much bigger than the one he had before, but he had seen it in 
the store flyer, and really wanted it. As things turned out, he never actually 
did get to ride the bike more than once or twice. All his future two-wheeled 
adventures were to be solely with his wheelchair, as his condition would 
contiune its downward spiral throughout the summer.  Though both bikes are
still  sitting in our shed today, they will be never rode on again by their
rightful owner.  There would be the driving lesson in the empty parking lot,
followed by the TMNT movie in Guelph.  It was a great father and son excursion,
but so bittersweet knowing it would also be one of the very few we would have
left together. 

So here we are...May 26, 2008.  I wish I could say I spent the last few 
days searching for a certain Transformer or video game for Darrel's birthday, 
but I haven't.  I wish I could say my house was about to be invaded and
ransacked by a bunch of 8 year old boys for a party for a very special young 
man, but it isn't.  Most of all, I really wish I could have him standing in 
front of me and say "Happy Birthday Darrel, I'm so very proud of you", and give 
him a big hug, but I can't.

Happy Birthday Darrel!  We all miss you every second of every day!

Love you Little Man.

Daddy