Glowing Embers After 3 Years
Category: Life 
 
It's been three years today since we lost Darrel to neouroblastoma....three very long and
emotional years!  It is always impossible to say how and when the floodgate of memories
I have of him will open up, and (sometimes) overwhem me.  But they do, which is both a
blessing and a curse will that will exist for my family for as long as we do.

The summer of 2010 was alike weather-wise with that of 2007.  The relentless heat was hard
on Darrel that summer, but at least we didn't have to worry as much about him catching a
cold (which of course, would have been alot worse).  We were given an old air conditioner for
the bedroom window (which we really needed again this year. Thanks Jodie!), had a fan for
the living room, and the van's system somewhat worked, so all three spots he spent the
majority of his time (other than the hospital) were kept at more comfortable temperatures.

The heat also meant there was lots of ice cream to be had, which everybody in the house
enjoyed.  Darrel had acquired a taste for the Cotton Candy flavour, which he dubbed
'Spiderman Ice Cream', as it was blue and red in colour.  At the time, there was only one
place in town that sold it, and they were constantly running out of stock.  Since they only sold it in individual cone or bowl portions, we often had to bring plastic containers with us to the
store, so we could bring an extra supply home for Mr.Darrel!  It was difficult for Kira and
Lauren to understand sometimes that the Spiderman flavour was only for their brother, and
yes, he got more of it each serving.

This summer also marked the first time since 2007 that we went camping as a family. The girls had gone with Rebecca's parents each year since his death, but not Rebecca or myself.   Camping at the Pinery Park in Grand Bend was always something Darrel looked forward
too each summer.  Riding the bike trails, swimming in the lake, and watching the campfire
late at night were things that would bring a big smile to his face.  We last went in August
2007, barely a month before he would pass away.  Rebecca had found a whole body wet-suit
(along  with alot of extra care securing everything), so he could go into the water and splash around, central line and all!  Of course, he wasn't as active as before he was diagnosed, but at least he was able to have some fun there again one last time.

A few weeks ago, we went up to Mew Lake in Algonquin Park.  Not being the Pinery, there
were no memories of Darrel attached to that location, but thoughts of him on the bike trail,
and especially by the campfire still were not that far away. During endless chatter about what had happened that day, fighting over who would get to hold the dog on their lap, and who would get to roast the next marshmallow...he was still there with us in spirit.

As the fire would slowly dwindle away, the glowing embers would remain, often until the next morning, and serve as a reminder of the more happy times that had happened previously.  My memory of Darrel is quite like these embers: ever present; providing warmth and
comfort; and yet also sometimes too hot to hold, and with the power to overtake you without
warning.  The fire that once would dance in his young eyes may have been extinguished by the cancer that invaded his tiny body, but love that he brought to our hearts will still burn 
forever more.

Love and Miss You Little Man

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Please remember that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  Everything and Anything you can do will make a difference.  Whether it be making  a donationto The James Fund, or something as simple as changing your Profile Picture to a Gold Ribbon, your actions can only help spread the word that more can and needs to be done.  Thank You.

Relay 2010 Wrap-Up
Category: Life 
 
Last weekend (June 18-19), Team Darrel participated for the third time at the Relay For Life here in Fergus.  If you have never attended one of these events put on by the Canadian Cancer Society, you have been missing something very special.  From the Survivors Lap, to the emotional testimonials by others who have been touched by cancer, to the lighting of the luminaries, it is just something you have to be there to experience for yourself. 

The weather, though it threatened to get nasty a couple of times, co-operated with us this year.  On our first year, we spent several hours in a nearby barn, as the Cancer Society closed the track off due to safety concerns as the rain came down during an electircal storm; while last year it was cold...very cold (and considered all the natural insolation I have on me, that is putting it lightly).  This year, it was a nice temperature throughout the event, and even the bugs for the most part, took the night off (but they still attacked my Mother...they always do for some reason).

One of the highlights of the event was when our Team member Janet Willfang had her head shaved on Stage, as she pledged to do so if received over $500.00 in donations for the Relay.  Considering she made this proposition quite late in the fundraising, Janet (and the rest of us) were surprised when she achieved this goal.  Our team members each had a turn with the shaver, as well as her husband Darryl (who was never too far away).  Many from the event gathered at the Stage to cheer her on, and Janet was given a nice send off once we were finished the buzzing.

For me personally, the part I look most forward to, and also to a  certain degree dread, is between 3-5AM.  With only the luminaries guiding the  way, the night damp chill in the air and on the ground, and not as many  participants on the track, it brings home the reason why we have all gathered on  the site for the evening.  The isolation, quiet fear, lack of sleep,
feeling of utter helplessness, and desolation of what myself and our family has gone  through,
and on some levels contiunes to through, comes into a kind of blurry  focus in these early hours of the morning. It brings out every emotion possible  ... but at the end is always Darrel,
with his dancing eyes, amazing smile, and the strength and courage of incredible amounts waiting to greet me at the  finish.  For those moments, it doesn't matter how much money was raised, or anything else for that matter.  That is why I Relay!

Speaking of money raised, though the official number hasn't been given yet, Team Darrel collected $2491.00 in sponsors for the Canadian Cancer Society, and an additional $72.00 will go to the James Fund from button sales and other means!!!  Congratulations to everyone who played any part in making this a successful night to remember for my family and myself.  Together, we made a difference!!  Your continued support is as appreciated now, as it was when Darrel was still with us.

Team Darrel 2010 was:  Stephen Robb, Kira Robb, Lauren Robb, John Robb, Helen Robb,
Bryan Robb, Janet Willfang, Kim McKnight,  Sharon Snider, Payge Hough, Mackenzie Wass
and Morghan McKnight.

Playground Memorial Luminaries were lit for:  Sammie Hartsfield, Jenessa "Boey" Byers, Max Corp, and Braeden "Super Bub" Burgess.

Special Thanks go to the following:

My Parents (John and Helen) - They are not as young and full of energy as they once were, but for the third year, they lasted from Start to Finish of the Relay, in memory of their grandson, and they know how much this event means to me as well.

Janet - Making the sacrifice of her hair to help The Cancer Society assist other families who have been touched to cancer in some way.  (I'll also give extra small kudos to her husband Darryl for being such a good sport about all this, even though he really hoped it would not happen).
 
Rebecca, Sharon, Kim L., and everyone baked and/or brought goodies and did Coffee runs to Tim Horton's to keep the Team moving.

All the Members on Team Darrel -  Without you, your support of myself and my family, and this wonderful event, none of this evening could have  happened. 
 
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Totals given in this week's Wellington Advertiser show 20 teams that participated in Fergus brought in $47,497.00 (with more still coming in)!! Thanks Again everyone!!

Ten 
Category: Life


Though it gets more difficult with the passing of time to write these blogs, it would be
impossible to let this particular day go without comment.  Today Darrel should have been turning the glorious age of 10, a milestone on so many levels in a young man's life, but neuroblastoma made that event a memory I'll never be able to be a part of with him.  I am only left wondering how or what would be different about any given event if he was still here with us.

For example, over the past weekend, we took Kira and Lauren to see Shrek: Forever After down to the theatre down in Guelph.  Like the Tranformers; Revenge of The Fallen, and the soon to be released Toy 3 and The Last Airbender, I'll  have to see these movies because of Darrel.  We spent alot of family time being immersed in the worlds these films created, I feel in an odd way obligated to see how the their stories continue to unfold.  Whether I like
or dislike what I see on the 'Silver Screen', what will be missing the most will to the opinionated banter of Darrel all the way on the drive back to Fergus (but, then again, maybe he would have outgrown that by now?).

I've shared almost every Darrel story I have, some countless times, while details of others aren't as clear and fresh as they once were in my mind.  The lack of time took my son away from us, and like the passage of sand through the hourglass, time is slowly making the recalling all those moments harder to do as well.  This doesn't come as a surprise (as my hair is diappearing along with parts of my memory too), but it is most unwelcome none the less.  While pictures and the videos have captured some of these moments, so much about the
substance of them is lost, and nothing can be done about that.  What was...and what could or would have been is all that remains.

Remember the Smile<3. Remember the Laugh <3. Remember the Life < 3.

Happy Birthday Darrel

Love and Miss You Little Man

Name of The Game
Category: Life 
 
It wasn't until after Darrel's treatments were underway at the Hospital for Sick Children that he discovered the joys of video games.  I had an old Sega Genesis system in the house before that, but the majority of the selection of the games I had were not the kind to appeal to a 5 year old.  At Sick Kids, especially on the patients on the 8th Floor, this was not the  case.  With several Nintendo GameCube FunCentres and selection of games  available, it made each hospital visit (whether it be long or short) a bit  easier to deal with.  It didn't seem to matter if he was having a good or bad  day,  the challenges of the video games seemed to take his mind ( and ours too)  to a diiferent place, far away from the unpleasant surroundings we found  ourselves in, at least for a short period of time anyways.

Soon we would have a GameCube system and every game Darrel and his sisters wanted at our home (with the help of the Children's Wish Foundation). Darrel became quite attached to playing Zedla (with Mommy) and MarioKart (with Daddy). Memory Cards made it possible for our adventures and high scores to be saved, and travel with him to Sick Kids or Grand River Hospital in Kitchener.  With his GameBoy, and later DS, he would always have something available to him whenever he wanted to play.  The joys and frustrations he experienced while
enjoying these games played a big part in the two years he battled his cancer.  To this day, I can not play a video game without thinking back to the times I got to experience them with my son.

This past Christmas, with the purchase of the Nintendo Wii, remembering those times were unavoidable.  I made sure we bought the new version of MarioKart, as it seemed only natural that it was here.  I was happily surprised that the game consists not only some new courses, but also several from each of the old Nintendo sytems.  Since I had previously played most of them with Darrel, there feels like a connection to him from both the past and present.  I'm still not the greatest with the new way of controlling the action, but then again, Darrel never liked to lose, so it's just as well I haven't mastered yet.

Though I like the advances of the Wii, I sometimes wonder how the kids currently at Sick Kids are making out with the system (if the hospital is switching over to it)?   Nintendo seems to have been the choice for the FunCentres that the Starlight Foundation puts into children's hospitals for quite some time, so I figure it will happen eventually.  With most games 
requiring some kind of physical interaction, will they be able to still be able to get the same kind of release from it that Darrel did?  I'd hate to think that  playing a video game would become too much of a burden or hinderance to a child who has enough upsetting things going on in their lives already. I'm sure this has been taken into consideration, and the appropriate actions will be taken as needed. 

The Wii also is set up to play the GameCube games, so our extensive collection can still be used from time to time.  Darrel's memory cards are still here, with his gaming achievements and high scores still preserved. Never to be beaten, but unfortunately never to be imporved on either.  For me, video games, particularly Zelda and MarioKart, will always mean something different, something more, and something special.  Like Darrel, they will remain a part of me forever.