Like Freshly Fallen Snow
Category: Life
As most of you realize, we've now been without Darrel for 6 months. I
think about him every minute of every day, but when the calendar approachs the
9th each month, it is often over-powering at times. Half a year may have past,
(though I can't believe it has been that long already), our loss is hardly
behind us. Darrel will FOREVER be an enormous part our past, present and
future! While there are those who still encourage me move on emotionally, this
is much easier said than done. From the moment your child is born, you want to
share in every one of their joys, and take away all of their pain. That does
not change, even after their death. To mourn for them is a very important part
of human nature. Those who think otherwise must have been fortunate enough as
to have never cared about or lost anyone close to them before.
My last blog posed alot of questions about being at the 'Crossroads' and
such. While the answers are still a mystery to me, I have recalled a small bit
of silver lining that Darrel's death has clouded around my family. I've
mentioned countless times how much difficulty we had getting our family doctor
to act near the beginning of the nightmare that was to come. Late last year, a
young girl in our community was diagnosed with not one, but two complex heart
conditions. I was very surprised to learn that the quick and thorough actions
of a local doctor helped to get her condition assessed and dealt with by
specialists in cardiology and heart rhythms before the situation became
uncontrolable. As you probably have guessed by now, it was the same Doctor.
Perhaps the symptoms were easier to spot in her case, or the doctor had
previous encounters with similar conditions. The fact remains that the glowing
praise the girl's family gave him seems misplaced from my own personal
experiences with this indivdual. I'd like to think that his response time, and
realizing when the situation was over his head had drastically improved as a
direct result of the outcome with Darrel, but I'll never know for sure. I have
yet to see the man again since August of 2005, as he didn't even attend
Darrel's funeral. While I think I would have at least some respect for him if
he made some effort to contact us, it most likely would have been ill advised
and short lived, as my wife would not have taken kindly to such an overture at
the time, or even now.
Today also brings about the return of Daylight Savings Time. The alarm on
Darrel's wrist watch will once again go off at the correct time of 8AM, instead
of at 7. Making sure he was up in time to catch Pokemon was always a top
priority on the weekdays. I'm sure when the battery in the watch finally runs
out, it will stir another sense of loss for Rebecca and myself. It is still a
direct and active connection we have to him, which I don't wan to lose either.
While I'm talking about Darrel's TV viewing habits, apparently they have a new
Power Rangers series out now. I watched almost every episode of each spin off
series with him. We knew the name of every Ranger and every villain. For the
longest time, he wouldn't believe that Dr. Tommy Oliver from Dino Thunder was
the same character as Tommy from the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,
Turbo, and a few appearances in Wild Force. Fortunately for me, they did a
Tommy recap episode, so the debate came to a conclusion (of course, he never
admitted he was wrong...or more importantly, that I was right!). I won't be
following this new show, Jungle Fury, having given up after Operation
Overdrive, but I'm sure Darrel would have watched it too, if he had been given
a chance.
Rebecca is off to work, so it will be just me and the girls (and Darrel's
dog Lady) here for most of the day. After all the snow fall over the last 2
days, I'll probably spend a good portion of it shovelling out the driveway, yet
again. Yesterday, I watched as the neighbour across the road while he was out
there with his young child working on their mound of snow after the plow had
gone down our street. I remember helping my father do the shovelling growing
up, and how he smiled proudly as I awkwardly tried to assist him, even when I
was barely strong enough to hold a child sized shovel. I'm sure Darrel would
have done likewise with me, but by the time he was an age to really
participate, the cancer, chemo, and fear of him even catching the slightest of
colds made such memories impossible to create. The snow may have coverd what
the naked eye can see for a short period of time, but it can not hide or change
what lies below the surface for long. It's odd how something as pure and
innocent as and father and son shovelling freshly fallen snow can prove to be
an emotional event to someone viewing it across the street.
Darrel's name, and all the things he ever said or did are still talked
about frequently around our home. I believe that this is a good thing for all
of us. Making such an important part of our lives a taboo subject would be an
injustice to all that Darrel was. Dates such as today are not pointed out to
the girls, but I'm sure they realize it on some level. Kids understand more
than we usually give them proper credit for, and this was equally true with my
son. You could easily see the light, knowledge, and wisdom beyond his years in
his eyes, even more so after the cancer began to take its toll on him.
Although we often tried to soften somewhat the severity of what we told him,
I'm quite sure he knew. I find this both comforting and extremely distrubing
at the same time. To say the least, he was Amazing!
Category: Life
As most of you realize, we've now been without Darrel for 6 months. I
think about him every minute of every day, but when the calendar approachs the
9th each month, it is often over-powering at times. Half a year may have past,
(though I can't believe it has been that long already), our loss is hardly
behind us. Darrel will FOREVER be an enormous part our past, present and
future! While there are those who still encourage me move on emotionally, this
is much easier said than done. From the moment your child is born, you want to
share in every one of their joys, and take away all of their pain. That does
not change, even after their death. To mourn for them is a very important part
of human nature. Those who think otherwise must have been fortunate enough as
to have never cared about or lost anyone close to them before.
My last blog posed alot of questions about being at the 'Crossroads' and
such. While the answers are still a mystery to me, I have recalled a small bit
of silver lining that Darrel's death has clouded around my family. I've
mentioned countless times how much difficulty we had getting our family doctor
to act near the beginning of the nightmare that was to come. Late last year, a
young girl in our community was diagnosed with not one, but two complex heart
conditions. I was very surprised to learn that the quick and thorough actions
of a local doctor helped to get her condition assessed and dealt with by
specialists in cardiology and heart rhythms before the situation became
uncontrolable. As you probably have guessed by now, it was the same Doctor.
Perhaps the symptoms were easier to spot in her case, or the doctor had
previous encounters with similar conditions. The fact remains that the glowing
praise the girl's family gave him seems misplaced from my own personal
experiences with this indivdual. I'd like to think that his response time, and
realizing when the situation was over his head had drastically improved as a
direct result of the outcome with Darrel, but I'll never know for sure. I have
yet to see the man again since August of 2005, as he didn't even attend
Darrel's funeral. While I think I would have at least some respect for him if
he made some effort to contact us, it most likely would have been ill advised
and short lived, as my wife would not have taken kindly to such an overture at
the time, or even now.
Today also brings about the return of Daylight Savings Time. The alarm on
Darrel's wrist watch will once again go off at the correct time of 8AM, instead
of at 7. Making sure he was up in time to catch Pokemon was always a top
priority on the weekdays. I'm sure when the battery in the watch finally runs
out, it will stir another sense of loss for Rebecca and myself. It is still a
direct and active connection we have to him, which I don't wan to lose either.
While I'm talking about Darrel's TV viewing habits, apparently they have a new
Power Rangers series out now. I watched almost every episode of each spin off
series with him. We knew the name of every Ranger and every villain. For the
longest time, he wouldn't believe that Dr. Tommy Oliver from Dino Thunder was
the same character as Tommy from the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,
Turbo, and a few appearances in Wild Force. Fortunately for me, they did a
Tommy recap episode, so the debate came to a conclusion (of course, he never
admitted he was wrong...or more importantly, that I was right!). I won't be
following this new show, Jungle Fury, having given up after Operation
Overdrive, but I'm sure Darrel would have watched it too, if he had been given
a chance.
Rebecca is off to work, so it will be just me and the girls (and Darrel's
dog Lady) here for most of the day. After all the snow fall over the last 2
days, I'll probably spend a good portion of it shovelling out the driveway, yet
again. Yesterday, I watched as the neighbour across the road while he was out
there with his young child working on their mound of snow after the plow had
gone down our street. I remember helping my father do the shovelling growing
up, and how he smiled proudly as I awkwardly tried to assist him, even when I
was barely strong enough to hold a child sized shovel. I'm sure Darrel would
have done likewise with me, but by the time he was an age to really
participate, the cancer, chemo, and fear of him even catching the slightest of
colds made such memories impossible to create. The snow may have coverd what
the naked eye can see for a short period of time, but it can not hide or change
what lies below the surface for long. It's odd how something as pure and
innocent as and father and son shovelling freshly fallen snow can prove to be
an emotional event to someone viewing it across the street.
Darrel's name, and all the things he ever said or did are still talked
about frequently around our home. I believe that this is a good thing for all
of us. Making such an important part of our lives a taboo subject would be an
injustice to all that Darrel was. Dates such as today are not pointed out to
the girls, but I'm sure they realize it on some level. Kids understand more
than we usually give them proper credit for, and this was equally true with my
son. You could easily see the light, knowledge, and wisdom beyond his years in
his eyes, even more so after the cancer began to take its toll on him.
Although we often tried to soften somewhat the severity of what we told him,
I'm quite sure he knew. I find this both comforting and extremely distrubing
at the same time. To say the least, he was Amazing!
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