Today Darrel would have, should have, could have been celebrating his 13th Birthday with his family and friends. With girls, the milestone birthday seems to be considered their "Sweet Sixteen" Birthday (with my daughter Kira just reaching this back in March, I can attest to the significance attached to this), but for boys, it is usually 13. In our society, the road to Manhood, and the journey to becoming an independent Adult begins here. It is a time and place that he never got a chance to experience, nor for me to share and experience with him, as Father and Son.
I am by far not a Man's Man...not really into sports or cars, and am pretty much all thumbs when it comes to fixing things around the house. But what would Darrel have been like today??? Being diagnosed with neuroblastoma at only 5, he had a very limited opportunity to expand his personal horizons into the outside world. Darrel did get to complete Junior Kindergarten, and play soccer for a season before cancer changed everything for him, and for us all. After watching both the expected and unexpected twists and turns that his sisters have had over the past few years, constantly leaves me thinking about what wonders, triumphs, and hardships could have been in his future. Each choice he would have made, no matter how small, would have had some kind of effect on his personality, and could have influenced which path he would have taken next. Like with so many things, it is always the "What Ifs" that cloud my memories of decisions made long ago, all that transpired back then, and all that might have been. Some nights I lay awake pondering these things...sometimes it brings a smile to my face, while other times, a tear to my eye.
Even after almost six years since cancer took him away from us, waves of emotion can still come out of nowhere, and over-power me from time to time. There are several things that are well known to me that can trigger a response and/or reopen the wound that will never fully heal. Beyond the dates on the calendar (especially like today), there are certain songs and places that I have attached memories of Darrel to...some like you would expect, others not so straight forward, yet they are there regardless. But every so often, there comes a random occurrence that causes an immediate and uncontrollable flood of flashbacks and feelings
where I struggle not to have an emotional breakdown.
One of these happened earlier this month while I was attending the a baton competition with Lauren. All was going perfectly fine until a teammate of hers opened up a Ring Pop. This was not the first time I'd seen one of Darrel's favourite treats since he died, but for whatever the reason, this time something within me broke...my heart. As I could not have been in a more Public place, I had to immediately get up and leave the stands, and make a rather hasty move towards the Exit. I assume those that noticed my departure probably thought I was rushing to use the washroom, but this was far from the truth. I sat outside for 10-15 minutes crying before I could compose myself enough to return to the Gym (just in time to watch Lauren when the Provincial Championship in one of her divisions). Fortunately there were no passerbys during this outburst, as they would not have understood, or cared to understand what had just happened {as a Side Note: there was a single Orb in one of the pictures I took of Lauren from the competition. Considering how high the ceiling was, and the fact there were no light sources in the area, there is no other simple explanation why it could be there}. While I do not like others to see me in such a state, in a strange way, part of me is pleased that I can still be overcome in such a fashion...that I have not grown cold or bitter...I am still a father missing his son...I am still Human.
Happy Birthday Darrel
Love and Miss You Little Man
*************************
I am by far not a Man's Man...not really into sports or cars, and am pretty much all thumbs when it comes to fixing things around the house. But what would Darrel have been like today??? Being diagnosed with neuroblastoma at only 5, he had a very limited opportunity to expand his personal horizons into the outside world. Darrel did get to complete Junior Kindergarten, and play soccer for a season before cancer changed everything for him, and for us all. After watching both the expected and unexpected twists and turns that his sisters have had over the past few years, constantly leaves me thinking about what wonders, triumphs, and hardships could have been in his future. Each choice he would have made, no matter how small, would have had some kind of effect on his personality, and could have influenced which path he would have taken next. Like with so many things, it is always the "What Ifs" that cloud my memories of decisions made long ago, all that transpired back then, and all that might have been. Some nights I lay awake pondering these things...sometimes it brings a smile to my face, while other times, a tear to my eye.
Even after almost six years since cancer took him away from us, waves of emotion can still come out of nowhere, and over-power me from time to time. There are several things that are well known to me that can trigger a response and/or reopen the wound that will never fully heal. Beyond the dates on the calendar (especially like today), there are certain songs and places that I have attached memories of Darrel to...some like you would expect, others not so straight forward, yet they are there regardless. But every so often, there comes a random occurrence that causes an immediate and uncontrollable flood of flashbacks and feelings
where I struggle not to have an emotional breakdown.
One of these happened earlier this month while I was attending the a baton competition with Lauren. All was going perfectly fine until a teammate of hers opened up a Ring Pop. This was not the first time I'd seen one of Darrel's favourite treats since he died, but for whatever the reason, this time something within me broke...my heart. As I could not have been in a more Public place, I had to immediately get up and leave the stands, and make a rather hasty move towards the Exit. I assume those that noticed my departure probably thought I was rushing to use the washroom, but this was far from the truth. I sat outside for 10-15 minutes crying before I could compose myself enough to return to the Gym (just in time to watch Lauren when the Provincial Championship in one of her divisions). Fortunately there were no passerbys during this outburst, as they would not have understood, or cared to understand what had just happened {as a Side Note: there was a single Orb in one of the pictures I took of Lauren from the competition. Considering how high the ceiling was, and the fact there were no light sources in the area, there is no other simple explanation why it could be there}. While I do not like others to see me in such a state, in a strange way, part of me is pleased that I can still be overcome in such a fashion...that I have not grown cold or bitter...I am still a father missing his son...I am still Human.
Happy Birthday Darrel
Love and Miss You Little Man
*************************
Yesterday I participated in the Mitchell Fraser Memorial Slo Pitch Tournament in Solina. Playing on the SickKids Team (HSC) is always a rewarding experience. Though pain, suffering, and quite often the loss of a loved one may bring us together, it is good to get out and have a Good Time, while raising money for neuroblastoma research, all at the same time. Though
Team SickKids lost (badly) all three of our games, I somehow managed to avoid Striking Out, and surprisingly went 5 for 9 for the day. I'd like to thank the Fraser family and all who helped make this event run smoothly and successfully for another year.
http://www.durhamregion.com/sports/article/1622025--mitchell-fraser-memorial-ball-tournament-saturday-in-solina#.UZ-plAoviKs.facebook
Special Thanks goes to my long time friend, Tania Fitzpatrick, from "Images of This and That" for donating one of her portraits for the Silent Auction held at the tournament. This was greatly appreciated by me, and the Fraser family. To see more of her work, please visit:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/imagesofthisandthat
Thanks also to Mike Napier, who has loaned me his "Kelly Gruber Signature" glove for the past 3 tournaments. I will no loner be working with him after this week, so I'll need to borrow someone else for next year. It always "Fit like a Glove".
*************************
Up Next for Darrel's Playground:
June 10-16, 2013: I have been asked once again to act as one the Administrators for the International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week. For more information, please visit:
http://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek
https://twitter.com/NBAWARENESSWEEK
June 14-15, 2013: Team Darrel will be participating in the Canadian
Cancer Society's Relay For Life in Fergus. This will be the 10th Relay in
Fergus, and the 6th time we will be taking part in it. Donations can be made
through our Pages on the Canadian Cancer Society's website at:
http://convio.cancer.ca/goto/kirladar13
http://convio.cancer.ca/goto/teamdarrel13
Thank You for your continued Support!!
Together Towards A Cure
Team SickKids lost (badly) all three of our games, I somehow managed to avoid Striking Out, and surprisingly went 5 for 9 for the day. I'd like to thank the Fraser family and all who helped make this event run smoothly and successfully for another year.
http://www.durhamregion.com/sports/article/1622025--mitchell-fraser-memorial-ball-tournament-saturday-in-solina#.UZ-plAoviKs.facebook
Special Thanks goes to my long time friend, Tania Fitzpatrick, from "Images of This and That" for donating one of her portraits for the Silent Auction held at the tournament. This was greatly appreciated by me, and the Fraser family. To see more of her work, please visit:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/imagesofthisandthat
Thanks also to Mike Napier, who has loaned me his "Kelly Gruber Signature" glove for the past 3 tournaments. I will no loner be working with him after this week, so I'll need to borrow someone else for next year. It always "Fit like a Glove".
*************************
Up Next for Darrel's Playground:
June 10-16, 2013: I have been asked once again to act as one the Administrators for the International Neuroblastoma Awareness Week. For more information, please visit:
http://www.facebook.com/NBawarenessweek
https://twitter.com/NBAWARENESSWEEK
June 14-15, 2013: Team Darrel will be participating in the Canadian
Cancer Society's Relay For Life in Fergus. This will be the 10th Relay in
Fergus, and the 6th time we will be taking part in it. Donations can be made
through our Pages on the Canadian Cancer Society's website at:
http://convio.cancer.ca/goto/kirladar13
http://convio.cancer.ca/goto/teamdarrel13
Thank You for your continued Support!!
Together Towards A Cure
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