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Oct 9/07 - One Month After

6/12/2011

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One Month After
Category: Life


It's hard to believe that an entire month has past since Darrel left us.  
On certain levels, it seems only like yesterday, yet on others it feels much, 
much longer.  One of the hardest things we had to do was to clear out his old 
room.  Packing up his clothes was especially difficult.  Remembering all the 
times he wore this shirt, or those pants brought back many memories of happier 
times.  We kept quite a selection of his favourites, and donated the rest to 
charity.  Normally we pass clothes no longer needed in the house along to
family and friends with younger children, but I'm not sure if I could handle
that with Darrel's things.  Many of his old toys, movies, and video games were
sent down to the children's clinic at the hospital in Kitchener.  Since the
girls had no interest in the more boy oriented stuff, it seemed like the right
thing to do.   The room would sit empty for a couple days, as we had many
others things on the go around here.  Though it was extremely awkward putting
Kira's things in there, I think it helped a bit seeing the room in use again,
but like everything else, nothing is really that easy to deal with.

There are constant and daily reminders about Darrel where ever we  look.  
Whether it be physical things, or simple words and phrases that were  particular
to him, it is impossible to escape the situation.  For the first week  after his
death, I'd often pull out an extra fork to set the table with, but  then realize
it wouldn't be needed anymore.  We also had to move his chair away  from the
dinner table, as seeing it sit there empty didn't help matters at all.   Every
morning at 8 AM, the alarm on his little blue and yellow wrist watch still  goes
off.  Darrel wanted it set to make sure he was up in time to watch  Pokemon. 
While flipping through the channels on the TV, I often come across  other show
he enjoyed watching.  I sometimes find myself stopping on them,  remembering his
comments about that particular episode, or him preparing to hide  his face if he
thought a kissy scene was coming up.

I've been back to work for two weeks now, and dealing with some co-workers 
can be quite trying sometimes.  Many are surprised and/or concerned that I've 
returned so fast since the events unfolded.  At the time, it had been two weeks 
since Darrel had died...and most companies only give 3 to 5 days for a grieving 
period, so I felt fortunate enough as it was.  Of course, there are still those 
who don't know what to say, and those who still say the wrong things, but I
know their intentions were good (well most of them anyways).  It isn't always
easy, but nothing about losing your seven year old son should be.

Although I didn't expect to help as much as it seems to, I think having his 
cremated remains still in the house is somewhat comforting.  While other things 
around the place bring up alot of emotions and memories, seeing the urn there 
reminds me that he is now free from pain and suffering, and finally at peace.  
Being able to say good morning, good night, or have little chats about my  day
with him, without leaving the house, often helps remove the sense of loss  for a
short time.  He was always quick  with a snappy and straight to the point 
response, and I often imagine hearing him reply in his usual fashion.  Then of 
course the realization of it all creeps back in, but at least I did have the 
few brief personal moments with him before hand.  We may chose to scatter
and/or bury his ashes further down the road, but for now it seems right.  At
the moment, everybody and everything are doing better than probably expected,
so there is no need or desire to alter our plans at the moment.

Thanksgiving was just yesterday, and it was the first of many holidays 
without Darrel with us.  It was alot quieter at my parents house, and we had 
more time to visit with everybody than we have had in a long time.  A special 
meal didn't need to be prepared to meet a certain person's unique tastes, nor 
was the TV loudly blaring over those of us trying to have a conversation.  The 
sun was shining, and it was warm enough to require shorts and even turning on 
the air conditioning  on an October afternoon in Canada.  While to an outsider 
these things might sound ideal and desirable, the lack of disruption made the 
day seem somewhat more empty and colder for me.  Considering what had happened 
over the last two years, and the last month especially, it was difficult to be 
overly thankful about anything regardless.

With two of Darrel's favourite times of the year coming up soon, his 
absence will be felt strongly.  He had already placed some special requests for 
Halloween and Christmas in, though I would love to do so, I won't be able to 
fulfil them this time.  We tried to do, and get for him whatever he wanted as 
soon as we could, but now our focus must turn to the wants and needs of the 
girls.  The upcoming holidays will also take their toll of them, and we will 
have to be prepaerd as much as possible for that as well.
 
People often say it will get easier to deal with this over time, but I 
don't want it to.  The way Darrel handled dealing with cancer often gave the 
impression that it wasn't that bad, but that most certainly wasn't the case.  
Coming to terms with the emotions is one thing, but I never want to look back
at any of this and think it was easy.   That being said, if he could look
cancer and death in the face, and still find enough reason to laugh and smile,
what right do any of us have to do any less.

*************************
 
 
ROBB, Darrel Wesley (2000-2007) — Died, and left us far too early, 
surrounded by his family, at his home in Fergus, on September 9, 2007 at the
age of 7. After two very long and emotional years, he was unable to win his
struggle with neuroblastoma cancer. His body may have been defeated, but his
mind and spirit were never broken at any time. Darrel will be forever loved and
missed by his parents Stephen and Rebecca. Brother to Kira and Lauren, who will
remember his laughter, his smile and arguing with him over the simple things
children always do. Grandson to John and Helen Robb and Joe and Carol Webers,
who will treasure all the adventures they shared with him over his brief time
with us.  Darrel was also a nephew to Bryan Robb and Amy Anticknap, Steven and
Debbie Webers, Loralie and Don Klaehn and David Webers. Cremation has taken
place.  Visitations for family and friends were held on Thursday, September 13,
2007.  The funeral was officiated by Reverend Herb Klaehn on Friday, September
14, 2007. Arrangements for both were entrusted to the Graham A. Giddy Funeral
Home in Fergus. For those who wish, memorial donations may be directed to the
Grand River Hospital Children's Outpatient Clinic.
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    The majority of all these entries were written by Darrel's father, Stephen.  For those that are not, efforts have been made to give proper credit where it is due.

    The bulk of the posts are in the June 2011 Archives Section, as that is when I transferred them over to this site.  Category Tags should allow you to find entries easier.

    I've tried to correct spacing issues on many of the entries, as most of the older ones have been copied from different sites I've used in the past. I apologize if some have been overlooked.

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