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Watching From The Window

6/24/2011

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Watching From the Window 
Category: Writing and Poetry
 
This is reposted from another site.

**************************

What its like to have a child with cancer:

Picture your child sitting in the middle of the street.  Picture yourself in your home
watching your child from the window.  Everything inside you wants  to reach out and
save them...But you can’t get out, all you can do is watch and  pray that God is watching
over them.  You see them fall and cry for you to  make it all better, but you can’t get to them.

They can see you and see your tears, and maybe hear your voice through all their tears.
You pray God will keep them safe.  You hear a car in the distance, but never know how
far away it is, some days it seems really close other days even closer.You know that at
any moment that car may come and change your world all over again,
in a split second you can be back to where you were when this all started or worse yet,
the fight may be over.

Some days you start to feel a little more “safe” and back up from that 
window, walk over to the couch and sit down, when just then you hear that car 
again and in a second you are one with that window again, all those fears you 
tried so hard to put aside are back, more intense this time, feeling guilty for 
having let your guard down. It makes leaving that window the next time that
much harder. We want to keep them close at all times for fear of the unthinkable.

At night when you leave their side to go to bed, you take one more quick 
peek at them to make sure all is well. You lay in your bed hoping to see them 
tomorrow, not wanting that day to end, for as hard as it was that day they are 
here with you, and tomorrow is filled with the unknown, every day, night after 
night these are our fears. We are exhausted in every way. Our prayers from one 
night would fill God’s book a million times over.  All you can do is pray to God to spare them, let them be safe.

From that window you see the fear in their eyes, their hopes of the future, 
such a small child sitting their all alone, surrounded by love, but alone, 
fighting so hard, not wanting to let you down, for they are very smart, they 
know our sorrows. Seeing your child sit there ,wanting to help with all your 
might, but knowing in the end its them and their bodies that must do all the 
work, so much to ask of such a little person.

You’d never let your child sit there in the street, knowing that they could 
be taken from you at any moment, you would not just sit there and stare at them 
and pray to God to save them, you’d pick them up, wrap your arms around them
and hold them forever, keeping them safe.

Yet that is what us parents of children with cancer are asked to do every 
day. Let them sit there and watch and wait and pray, pray hard. How is it 
decided which child shall live and which child will pass on? Why is it that
some children struggle so very hard and win their battle only to have it it
return with much more vengeance? Why do some children sail right through their 
treamtent and then die suddenly? How are we to make sense of any of this? With 
each clinic appt. brings the possiblity of a relapse, no matter how great they 
look or how wonderful they feel. If only we could judge their health by the way 
they look on the outside.

We are suppose to protect them, to keep them safe from harm, who said 
cancer could make all the calls? I never agreed to that, I am their father and
I will fight for them, with every ounce of my being. Cancer may be calling the 
shots, but it will not win this game, not with my children, not with any of our 
children, we are so very weak, but so very strong, this bravery we have we get 
from our children, our little heroes, fighting every day with all their might…
Pray for them…………

(Orignally Posted Jan 11/09)
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    The majority of all these entries were written by Darrel's father, Stephen.  For those that are not, efforts have been made to give proper credit where it is due.

    The bulk of the posts are in the June 2011 Archives Section, as that is when I transferred them over to this site.  Category Tags should allow you to find entries easier.

    I've tried to correct spacing issues on many of the entries, as most of the older ones have been copied from different sites I've used in the past. I apologize if some have been overlooked.

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